Mom, Where are we going? Crazy dear.

Friday Jan 11th: Changing plans

Friday Jan 11th

I am a planner at heart, Airyn is more spontaneous. This difference has caused some stress between us before. These days we are generally more understanding of each other planning style. His spontaneous ways have come in handy when my plans have fallen through, so it works more often then not.

Friday: Chipmunk had an early morning meeting at her store. Airyn walks her to work, and walks home. It's cool, so the walk is brisk, and has him very much awake despite being short on sleep. I pick Chipmunk up from her meeting when I get off from work. I get Wolf up and ready for school then drop her off. Chipmunk heads to the living room for some napping. Airyn joins me in bedroom, and tells me that he told Chipmunk she could come into the bedroom later when she needed to get ready for work if she needed anything. He and I had plans to get up and watch a movie together. He said something like since we'll be watching a movie and not "doing" anything he thought it would be ok. Then asks me if its ok. I nodded saying sure, thinking that it was too late for me to disagree. Besides I don't want to start our day off with an argument.

Airyn is still very much awake and goes back to watching his TV show. I snuggle up behind him and fall sleep after a while. He's up for a couple hours. Airyn ends up getting just a couple hours nap before I start waking him up. We get up and I get on the computer while Airyn heads into the other room to make his morning coffee. Today I have chosen to avoid seeing easily avoidable intimate moments between Airyn and Chipmunk. Most times on mornings that Chipmunk moves to the couch Airyn will get up to make his coffee, and will lie down on the couch cuddling Chipmunk for a little while. I don't mind or begrudge them their moment; I just don't want to see them like that everyday. This is one of those mornings so I stay in the bedroom and Airyn goes out says his good morning to Chipmunk, and makes himself some coffee.

Afterwards Airyn and I snuggle up to start our movie. Less then an hours goes by before Chipmunk starts getting ready for work, she’s mostly getting ready in the living room and bathroom, but eventually comes into the bedroom. So we pause our movie. We all talk a bit, and the intimate time between Airyn and I is basically put on hold. He gets dressed so he can take Chipmunk to work, and heads to the kitchen for a second cup of coffee. Chipmunk has to be to work in about 30 mins and she's telling us about a b-day get together she was invited to. It's tonight at a gay club not far from the house. She says she'd like to go, but she's not sure about it. Airyn says that it could be cool to go for a little while, and they ask me what I think. I don't see anything wrong, so I agree we sure we can go for a little bit.

Airyn gets home and we discuss going to this gay club with Chipmunk and her co-workers on our way to pick Wolf up from school. We've decided that we don't mind going, but that we won't be drinking there more then a drink or two as places like that tend to be pricey and we have alcohol at home. After we finish our movie (which was interrupted by Wolf multiple times) we talk about going to this gay club some more. Airyn is concerned. He says he's not sure how to handle it. That tonight is our night, but this is a thing for Chipmunk. He talks about going kind of nebulously with us both, but leaving me some what free to check the place out as a gay if I want. I think about what he's saying for a moment. Then I ask if he's suggesting minimal PDA, so that he and I don't seem too much like a couple while we are there. I tell him that could work, but that Chipmunk has to be informed, and on the same page. He thinks about that for a while with out saying anything.

In the kitchen we talk more about going to this gay club and how it's an opportunity for me to check it out. That I can go basically as a single, but with the knowledge that I'm not going alone. That if I'm not comfortable I can come back to Airyn and just let him know. We talk a long while with plenty of thinking quite moments between us. What we decide is that I'll go as a single, and he'll go with Chipmunk as a couple so she can show him off to her co-workers. This way I can walk around on my own and check the place out, get a feel for this gay club and decide if it's the kind of place I'd be interested in coming back to at a later time. Airyn tells me it's the best of both worlds, scouting a place as a single, and not being alone since I'm also Married, and can come right back to him if it's not comfortable. We also discuss that this is just for at the club, that it is our day, and once this get together is over it will go back to being our day (or night at this point) I tell him I'm nervous, but excited. Then we go on about our evening.

Airyn messages Chipmunk letting her know that we've decided I'll go as single and they'll go as a couple. Airyn and I have a very nice evening together. We connect better then we have in a long while, and are both feeling good about us. When it's time for Airyn to head out to pick up Chipmunk he suggests that I go ahead and get ready to go, and asks if I know what I'm going to wear. I grin and say yeah. My skinny red pants, with my slinky black backless top (no bra). He likes it, we kiss at the door, and he heads out. By the time he gets home with Chipmunk I'm dressed and almost done with my make-up. Chipmunk gets ready, and starts messaging with her co-worker to find out who is there, and where everyone is meeting.

We get there and meet up with some of her co-workers. Head to the bar, I buy Airyn a beer, and Chipmunk gets herself a drink. I didn't know it at the time, but it was a double, and she had not eaten at this point for about 5 hours. I hang out with the group for a little while just looking around. I tell Airyn I'm going to head up stairs and look around some. He says ok, and asks if I have my phone so we can stay in touch. I tell him no I have no where to carry it, but that I'll find him, he's easy to find. So I head upstairs. I’m not doing or seeing anything special; I’m just checking the place out, and watching the peoples on the dance floor. I do noticing a lot of Male couples, but no female couples. No big deal it's early. I join back up with the group. Chipmunk and Airyn are done with their first drinks, and Chipmunk is sitting in Airyn's lap. I walk up and tell Airyn, "See you are easy to find." Then join the group in chatting. Back to the bar for another round of drinks, this time Chipmunk buys Airyn a beer. And she is all over Airyn, already drunk, and being her overtly flirty self. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable with such a heavy display. So I tell Airyn that I'm going to walk around some more, and I head off again.

I find a nice little spot along the back wall in an upstairs room. There are a couple Tranies lip singing to 80's love songs. It was fun, and I stayed there a long while. Since I didn't have my phone I also didn't have the time, and I thought it might be about time for us to head out, so I go looking for them again. I'm in no hurry though, and walk around a bit. I stop on the second floor where I can look down at people hanging outside in the middle of the club. So I’m leaning on the rail and a couple fellows come up beside me. Introduce themselves, and we chat a little bit. One asks me where my group is, and I say they are wondering around somewhere. He lets me know they've been watching me for a while, by telling me he saw me come in with another girl and a guy. I agree that I did, and feel a wee suspicious that they've been watching me since I got there. We talk a bit, they tell me they are straight and ask about my orientation. I answer truthfully, and when they are ready to head off the dark haired one leans over and attempts a kiss. I back away and tell him no thanks. I tell him I'm looking for ladies, and thank him for the compliment. The conversation gets a bit weird then we part ways and I seriously start looking for my group. I find them at the bar getting a third round of drinks. This time Chipmunk is seriously drunk, and is doing her impression of a high school make out session. While she’s ordering her third drink I comment to Airyn about her being overtly flirty. He says she’s like that when she’s drunk, and I tell him I wasn’t expecting that. He says at least she’s with him and not some stranger this time.

Then the fellow Airyn was waiting to join the group shows up and has paddles with him. He's telling us that he made them, and the types of material he used, and how the different materials require a different hand, soft gentle, ect. I end up with the heavy handed one, it has a nice weight in my hands. But then they decide to get on the dance floor and dance a bit. With Chipmunk's aggressive flirting with Airyn, and my lack of interest in dancing with any of her male co-workers I decline joining them and head back up stairs.

We join back up and find out that the female co-workers are across the street at a different bar. So we head over there, and pull the paddles out to give the b-day girl her spankings. FUN! Then give any and all who want a turn either spanking or being spanked a moment. That was fun. Airyn asks me if I'm ok, and I tell him I'm disappointed that I got hit on plenty by several straight guys, and winked at by a trany or two. He's only slightly buzzed, but I tell him we can talk about it later. He does stay closer to my side after that, as he realizes that I won't be heading off on my own again. Its last call before the group starts breaking up. Chipmunk is still very drunk, so Airyn is holding her hand to help her walk to the car. We stop at an all night coffee house for food. While we are there I tell them about the fellows who let me know they had been watching me most of the night, and how the one attempted a after less then 5 mins of conversation.
 
Saturday, January 12: another change of plans

It's 5am before we get to sleep.

I wake up around 10 am and I am very anxious, and can’t fall back to sleep. I get up for water, and snuggle back up with Airyn, but just can’t fall back to sleep. Eventually I realize that I’m upset about how things went at the gay club. From the lack of women, my general discomfort, being uncomfortable around the heavy flirting/making out that Chipmunk, and Airyn were doing, to having a couple straight guys checking me out (and watching me for a couple hours), and trying for kisses. I’m tired, anxious, and overtly emotional. Airyn wakes up and we go to the kitchen so we don’t disturb Chipmunk or Wolf. He and I are trying to talk it out. Eventually I get calm, and Airyn tells me that next time we’ll be sure to go to the lesbian bar in the neighborhood. That I should drink while we are out so that I’m less tense, that I don’t have to be concerned about driving home. If he and I are both going to drink there’s a retro diner that’s open late and is within walking distance that we can go to and sober up before anyone drives.

Airyn is very attentive, and comforting. Telling me to relax to stop stressing over it, and to stop expecting so much. This is all new territory. We’ll figure it out together. He wants me to get out there and do what I feel I need to, and he wants to be there for me through all of it.

An hour or so later Chipmunk is waking up, and has not heard back from her mom. She is assuming that they are no longer doing anything, so she’s hanging out with us. Saturday is mine and Airyn’s day, but we adjust our plans to include her. We head out for some much needed shopping. Our first stop an Asian grocery store to get recipe ingredients for a “Chinese take out” cookbook of Chipmunk’s. Airyn and I are walking together, we do our shopping as a group, with Airyn being obviously with me. At the register Chipmunk purchases her things first, and Airyn picks up her bags and walks her out to the car to drop her stuff in the trunk. I total out, and head out to meet them and drop our things in the trunk. It’s not much, but it is a few moments just the two of them where they can hold hands, hug, kiss, say something privately to each other. Next stop is for coffee and wine. Airyn tells me later that he gave Chipmunk a kiss in the parking lot before we headed inside. So again Chipmunk is not being ignored, but she does not have Airyn’s undivided attention either. We have several more stops, one fun cloths shopping location. By the time we are done with that Airyn is tired and ready to go home, but I still have some groceries to get. So we stop at a store with a coffee bar. Airyn says he’s going to sit at the coffee bar’s tables while we shop. Chipmunk offers to get them some coffees, and I head off to get the items I need. About 15-20 mins later I’m back at the coffee Bar and Chipmunk and Airyn are just then adding cream and sugar to their coffees. The coffee bar lady was slow today. Again it’s not much, but it is time that Chipmunk doesn’t have to share with me, and can get some of the attention she is used to. However she has spent the entire day out being moody and unhappy. When we get home things are the same. She’s moody, and is making her unhappiness known. Airyn tells me he needs to talk to her, and I tell him to go ahead while I make some coffee. When he comes back he’s telling me that she needs him to offer her some attention to feel as if she’s part of the group, or something. I point out that she wasn't being ignored. That they went to the car together at our first stop, and got coffees together at our last stop. Airyn tells me he gave her kisses in the parking lot. And I point out that he sprawled on the bed beside her looking at what ever she was showing him on her tablet. I tell him she wasn't ignored, but that she was also not the center of attention. I then point out that any PDA she witnessed between us would have been discreet. That it’s not like we were making out on the aisles in any of the stores. Grocery shopping just doesn't make me feel sexy.

I had been ironing out plans to meet a new lady on Monday. She and I had been messaging back and forth for a few days trying to figure out a time and place. At first she just told me the times she intended to be in my area and suggested a couple place she'd be ok meeting up at, and asked me when a good time (within her schedule) for me would be. I sent a message to her saying 1 pm at the bookstore she suggested. When we got home she had messaged me back saying she wouldn't be able to make it to the bookstore till 3pm, and that she would like to hang out and visit for about an hour. I replied that this would work well for me and I'd see her then. I then told Airyn what the our plan was, what time, and how late I might be out. I told him that I'd stay up late Sunday night, and nap after dropping Takara off at school Monday morning so that I could be out later then normal on a work day. I then asked if he and I could have the bedroom Monday. We talked about it, but it wasn't decided. Airyn says he'll talk to Chipmunk, and think about it. That there really aren't any plans yet for Monday, and that if I'm just going to be sleeping that he might just move with Chipmunk to the living room.

Airyn and I go back to our PC game, and that evening we snuggle together in bed watching TV. I’m really tired from getting so little sleep the night before. I fall asleep rather early (midnight), but Airyn stays in bed watching TV and just snuggling with me. Apparently Chipmunk had asked Airyn to snuggle with her before he calls it a night, so around 2 am he gets up cleans up Chipmunks snack dishes, plugs her tablet in, and lays down beside her with his pillow. She doesn't wake up, so after a little while he gets up, and comes back to bed, and watches some more tv. Airyn tells me he was up till about 4am.
 
Sunday, January 13th: D-day

I wake up around 8am, but don't actually get out of bed. I know Airyn was up much later then I was so I snuggle with him while he sleeps. Pull the laptop into bed and mess around on the internet for a few hours. 11 am Chipmunk gets up, and stomps out of the room. I hear her making food or coffee in the kitchen. She is making her bad mood very obvious, but I'm just ignoring it. Around noon Chipmunk comes back to the room fully dressed and wakes Airyn up to tell him that she's going for a walk. Airyn gets up, dresses, and tells me she's in a foul mood that she doesn't go for a walk for no reason. He starts stress cleaning the bedroom. Not a pleasant start to the day. We had talked about he and I going for a walk so we could have some privacy since Saturday we had a moody unhappy Chipmunk with us every where we went.

Eventually Airyn talks to Chipmunk, and finds out why she's angry. She never does leave to go for a walk. Airyn tells me that he pointed out that she woke up with his pillow, that her tablet had been plugged in that her dishes had been taken care of. She told him he should have woken her up. I asked him what was he supposed to do? Shake her, slap her? If she doesn't wake up she doesn't wake up. He's frustrated that she jumped to a negative conclusion and didn't consider what she found when she woke up to be Airyn's way of showing her he did cuddle with her while she slept.

Before Chipmunk leaves for work she informs us that she has to see her doctor Monday, that it's a walk-in thing, and that she wants to get there as soon as they open. Well that negates my request for Monday morning with Airyn. Chipmunk is worried about what her doctor’s visit will cost her. I suggest that she call them before she goes in so she knows what to expect. Airyn and Chipmunk talk about getting up around 8am and leaving by 9am for her doctor’s visit.

They walk to Chipmunks job together and talk some more. Airyn says she's less upset, and is getting over it. He tells me he just wants to cuddle and salvage something out of the day, have a few moments of non stressed closeness with me. Basically he doesn't want to talk about Chipmunk, or how she jumped to a negative conclusion again. Ok so we curl up in bed and enjoy what time we have before he meets up with Chipmunk for her lunch break.

I tell him that her wanting to get up at 8am to take care of her doctor’s visit makes my request for Monday morning moot, as he’ll be up and awake and getting ready to leave. We talk about it a bit, and decide that since I’ll be needing sleep that it’s for the best anyway. Then he asks me about helping Chipmunk out with the cost of her doctor’s visit. So I try to explain where our finances are to him. We’ve done this many times before, but he has no head for money matters, bills, or anything like that. Basically I tell him that we can’t pay her medical bills she’ll have to handle that on her own this time.

I stay up late snuggling with Airyn till he leaves to take Chipmunk lunch, we do manage to have a good evening after the stress-filled morning/day. Airyn and I are connecting better now that we spend more time together as a couple.
 
Sigh I'm missing a post. It was dated for Monday, and I think I may have deleted the original from my computer. >.>

So Sunday the 13th was D-day. It came and went without me hearing anything about a decision being made. I'll pull monday back together and share how poorly I handle multiply days of changes. I did fine for a while, but fatigue and my preference for having a plan, and Airyn and Chipmunk just sliding by without one irked me after awhile.
 
Monday, January 14th

The Plan: After work take Wolf to school, come home wind down and get into bed while Airyn and Chipmunk are getting ready to leave. Sleep till 1 or so then get up and get ready to meet a new lady.

Their plan: Get up and get to their appointment by 9am.

I'm running late from work. Between being tired from not sleeping Sunday, and barely making it home in time to take Wolf to school I'm frustrated. I walk into the bedroom, tell Airyn I just got home and have to leave in a min to take Wolf to school. Then I'm out the door again. I get back home 10 after 8 and they are still in bed sleeping. I'm thinking they forgot to set their alarm so I ask Airyn.

Me: What time are you getting up?
Airyn: 9 or 10
Me: 9, or 10?
Airyn: Yeah, she wants to make some calls before we go, and we'll probably not go till tomorrow.
Me: So you aren't going till tomorrow?
Airyn: probably

Now what, what about my plan? When are they actually getting up? Why didn't Airyn send me a message letting me know they changed their plans.

So I'm sitting at the computer frustrated, and decide that I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut. When ever they get up I'll go to bed. Grrr

9am their alarm goes off, and I'm browsing the web. Airyn wakes Chipmunk, and comes over to give me a kiss. I guess I was a bit aloof cause he asked what was wrong. I shrug and tell him not right now. But he asks again a few mins later after Chipmunk leaves the room. So I tell him that it's not acceptable for them to change their plans and not tell me. Their change of plans affects me. I had plans for today. I was supposed to have the bedroom so I can sleep. He says it's the difference of an hour. I tell him that they didn’t just change their plans for today, now they need the car for tomorrow now two, and I had plans to be out. That I had originally asked for he and I to have the bedroom this morning, and had to give that up because Chipmunk decided to tell us that she needed to go to the doctor first thing Monday morning.

It goes back and forth for a bit, I crawl into bed, and Airyn leaves looking stressed.

I wake up around 1. Chipmunk has to be to work for 2:30. I get dressed, and head to the kitchen. Chipmunk and Airyn are walking to Chipmunk's job. Airyn asks if I've heard from the lady I'm meeting. I tell him no, but I've sent her a message trying to confirm that we are still meeting at 3. Then head out for their walk.

2:10 and I have not hear back from the lady I’m meeting. So I decide to walk to meet Airyn and meet him to walk home. 2:20 and I get a message telling me that she can’t make it to the book store till about 5pm. Sigh, well that works I guess since now I can walk or drive with Airyn to pick our kid up. I catch up to him he's surprised since He thought I'd be getting ready to head out. I tell him she changed her time again. I’m expressing my frustration, and despite my desire to let this morning go this brings it back up.

Airyn is telling me that it really stressed him out to get (as he called it) reamed by me before he’s even awake. He says he spent most of the morning in the bathroom with his stress, and wasn’t able to sleep. I tell him that it wasn’t so easy to fall asleep with my anger either. He asks me if it was worth it, and I tell him I don’t know. Depends on if things change or not.

Airyn: Next time just ask me to clarify; I’m sure I’d have woken up enough to remember if you had asked.

Me: I did ask you. Twice, and you told me 9 or 10, and didn’t give me more info then that.

Airyn: you could have asked me to be more specific.

Me: you could have messaged me, or left me a note on the computer that things had changed.

Airyn: yeah we could have both done things differently.

Airyn and I head out to pick up Wolf and I ask him about the 13th. I ask if Chipmunk made a decision, or not. He tells me she hasn't said anything, and that he's assuming that she's committed to their relationship. I point ou that he's making an assumption, and that if she hasn't come out and said one way or the other he should ask. I also ask him what he expects if she decides to break things off. Will he move her into the living room permanently give her a time line for when she has to move out? What? He tells me he's pretty sure she's committed to making this work. Ok, what if she changes her mind once she can afford her own place? Or a few months after she moves out? He's not sure, and says he'd rather not speculate.

Then I get a message from the lady I’m meeting telling me where she is heading and asking if I want to meet her there or wait till the bookstore. I tell her I can meet her there as it’s an early meet time and closer to me.

We meet up, and hang out at the trendy thrift store till about 5pm. I was all smiles, she was straight faced. We spent our time on idl chitchat with a few personal questions thrown in. Over all I was disappointed. I had hoped we would hit it off better, and that he's be more light hearted, and happy then she was. Better luck next time perhaps. I left with the suggestion that she and I meet up to do some sewing, which was the Long-range plan she suggested in her first message to me.
 
Skipping to Friday Jan 18th

Chipmunk has plans to be picked up by her mom, She leaves, and Airyn and I have a couple hours completely to our selves before we have to pick wolf up from school. Considering our discord early in the week we are just kinda hanging out, chatting about inconsequential things, and shyly touching, hugging, kisses. After we pick Wolf up Airyn asks about going out to get the tablet he's been wanting to buy. I'm up for it so we head out, but none of the place we stop at have the one he wants. We spent 3 hours driving around town in rush hour for nothing. Come home Airyn gets on line and calls a couple places, finds his tablet, and we jump back into the car to drive 45 mins outside of our city to get his tablet. By the time we get home we have about an hour before Chipmunk is going to get home, I'm stressed from driving in heavy Friday evening traffic. Airyn offers to give me a massage, but once we are home we don't have time. Friday ends up being disappointing with Airyn and I not really connecting like we want, or need to be. Sigh, go to bed hoping Saturday will be a better day.

I have plans Saturday morning. Airyn is dropping me off at a coffee/breakfast place so I can meet History. She and I are going to a different fiber farm. The plan is set so that Saturday is a half day for Airyn and I. He'll be spending the morning and most of the afternoon with Chipmunk, and picking me up from our local bookstore after dropping Chipmunk off at work. I don't have a set time I'll be getting to the bookstore I've told History that I'd like to be dropped off between 3 and 4pm. Airyn had asked me to come home as early as I can when he was figuring out how much time we'd have to ourselves. It felt really nice to have him asking me to come home so we could spend time together. Airyn and I will have Saturday evening, and are talking about staying up latish to either play a PC game or watch some tv together.

So Airyn drops me off, I meet up with History, and she and I have a great time at the fiber farm, we get a tour, and spend some time knitting and chatting with the ladies who are there for the 3rd Saturday knitting/spinning meet up. It pleasant. History is just getting over being ill though so we leave earlier then we had intended as she's tired and needs some sleep. I've messaged Airyn on and off letting him know that this farms was fun, and way better then the last fiber farm History and I attempted to visit. Airyn tells me that Chipmunk saw her adoptive parents (the ones who raised her) for the first time in about 3 years on a live video cast by her parents church. She emotional, upset at herself for not keeping in contact. Bother by how she moved out, and worried by comments her biological mother has made about her adoptive mom. Nothing I can do, So I suggest that she take the time to call them, or at least write to them.

Airyn tells me he's getting her out of the house for a bit, and lets me know that they are at a local coffee house. Then he gets quiet, I send him a couple messages that he doesn't respond to. It's not a big deal I'm just telling him about the fiber farm, so a response isn't required, but it would have been nice.

So History Drops me off at my local bookstore and I message Airyn letting him know she dropped me off early, and why. History is just getting over being sick, and was really feeling tired. And hour later I get a call from him asking me to log in to gmail to chat for a bit. Ok, I'm wondering what's up and when he'll be picking me up. Luckily I really like this book store and can easily lose track of time browsing the books. The bookstore internet isn't work, so I give up on gmail chatting, and Call Airyn back. He's telling me that he's dropping Chipmunk off at work then going home to pick up Wolf then he'll pick me up. That how long it take will depend on how long it take Wolf to get ready to go. So Another hour passes before Airyn arrives. We let Wolf browse so she can spend what's let of her gift card, then we head home. Drop Wolf off and pick up Chipmunk's lunch. I ask Airyn if he's just dropping her lunch off or what. He tells me he was planning to visit with Chipmunk during her break and tells me that Chipmunk is still very emotional over her family stuff. That he doesn't think she should stay at work, but that maybe having something to do will help her. So I'm disappointed. Airyn is telling me that we may be pick Chipmunk up early from work, after having picked me up 2 hours after I was ready to come home. We meet up with Chipmunk so Airyn can talk to her and drop off a jacket, then he and I head to a coffee shop. I tell him that it's disappointing that she'll likely come home early, and point out that he'll need to talk with her, and be the caring fellow he is. That I understand she emotional over family stuff, and that he'll want to comfort her. I tell him that there's nothing wrong with that, but for me it will be disappointing. I tell him that after the stressful driving all over town looking for his tablet last night I had really been looking forward to having some time privately with him. That he and I haven't been alone in days, so I'll be disappointed if she does come home early.

We get coffees at the coffee shop and are still talking when Airyn gets a message from Chipmunk saying she's not doing good, and could he come get her. He heads out picks her up and brings her back with him, so we spend the next several hours at this coffee house drinking coffee, and munching on chips with Chipmunk. At the moment she seems ok, but we both know she's sad. At home Airyn and I get on the computer, but he's obviously uncomfortable showing me affection with Christina home in her current emotional state. He won't go off to talk with her and comfort her like I suggested he do. And when she comes over to show him something on her tablet he's rubbing her back. I lean my head on his shoulder, but get no response from him. When It becomes clear that Airyn just isn't ok being affectionate with me, I look at the possibilities for Sunday. Only to find out that Chipmunk is going into work really late for me to be up. This upsets me, and I tell Airyn I'm going to take a shower.

Airyn checks on me in the shower to see what's wrong, and I tell him that this weekend is disappointing. Friday we had no privacy, We took Wolf with us each time we went out, and Chipmunk came home just after we got home. Then Saturday she's upset over the state of her relationship with her adoptive parents, and now Sunday we won't get time to ourselves either. I tell him I'm disappointed, that I had been looking forward to this weekend. That I had things I wanted to talk with him about, and that I was wanting to snuggle, and flirt, but that we haven't gotten to do any of that. He's telling me that Chipmunk isn't upset to purposely hurt me. I tell him I know this, but that doesn't make it any less disappointing.

After i get out of the shower we make food, and sit in bed to watch some tv. Eventually Airyn lays down. I lay my head on his chest while we watch our show, but he's all hands off, and won't even put his arm around me. When I try to hold his hand he moves away and puts his hands behind his head. So I give up and sit back up, and pull my knitting into my lap. Eventually I feel I'm sleepy enough to actually fall asleep, and get under the covers. Airyn sits with me, but still not snuggling.

I do fall asleep, but am really only lightly dozing, and I wake up when he and Chipmunk leave the room together. I figure they've headed to the kitchen to talk, and so Airyn can comfort her like he's been wanting to do all afternoon. A few mins later they come back to the room, and Airyn notices that I'm awake. He sits back down with me and we talk a few mins. He tells me he thought I was asleep, and that he needs to talk with Chipmunk. I tell him that I woke up as they were leaving the room, that I know he wants to talk to Chipmunk, and that he should do that. He starts sounding frustrated and tells me that if I'm up he has to stay by me.

Me: Airyn I haven't done anything, I'm just awake. I know you want to talk with her, so go do that.
Airyn: I'm sorry, It's just frustrating, it's 2am and I really need some time to talk with Chipmunk.
Me: *Rolling away from him* So go I'm just awake, I can't help that, and I'm not stopping you from talking with her.

Instead he sits on the bed and starts watching more tv. Eventually he get up and works on a computer he's trying to fix for one of Chipmunk's co-workers. I fall back to sleep, but wake up again when the room gets quite. Airyn and Chipmunk are off in the other room talking. It's about 4am when Airyn comes to bed, and tells me that Chipmunk is sleeping in the living room, and that they want to turn a small space in the living room into her space, buy a camping cot and curtain it off so she has her own "room". I ask how she's doing, and tell him that I'll probably go out some where in the morning. That I just don't want to deal with her being emotional after this weekend. I tell him that it will give them the space to work it out without me there. He tells me that we will get to spend time together, That he'll stay clse to me, and that we should play our game. That we can wake up in the morning and cuddle since Chipmunk is in the living room. At the very least he tells me we'll get to cuddle after she goes to work. Then he rolls over and falls asleep.
 
Sunday, January 20th

The next morning we clean up the space and make some rearrangements. I pull out some fabric and curtain it off, and we burn candles and incense in the space to make it smell nicer. The curtains help the space retain the fragrance. I'm very lethargic, and don't feel I'm getting much done quickly. Airyn and Chipmunk are working on Laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and bathroom. At first I think it's just from not sleeping so well, but I've had a sore throat for the past 2 or 3 days, and now my nose is running, I'm sneezing, and coughing.

Airyn takes Chipmunk to work, and comes home to me already bundled up in bed. We cuddle and talk, and I tell him that I think I really am sick, so we make some tea. Laying down brings on a lot of coughing and is making it hard to fall asleep, so I end up being up really late. Monday and Tuesday are supposed to be Airyn's days with Chipmunk, and since Wolf is off from school for Martin Luther King day I was planning to take her out to do some fun craft shopping. She has several gift cards from birthday and holiday gifts. I have been telling Airyn that there is no reason Chipmunk and I should ever sleep in the same bed together since our trip out of town to pick Wolf up from his mom's. That evening I'm telling him that he has giving Chipmunk permission to come and go as she please in the bedroom on our mornings together once she wakes up, and that if since she has that permission I have that same right. Then I point out that My day at home starts at 7am, and that I'm not going to be moved into the living room any more. Airyn listens and doesn't disagree.

I remind him that the bedroom has always been my space. When I come home from work/dropping Wolf off I have always spent my time in the bed room. Either I lay down and read while he sleeps, or we both sit at the computers. I also tell him that if complete privacy isn't available to he and I in the morning I see no reason for me to be ok with the two of them having that any more. Airyn tells me he understands how I feel.
 
Sick days.

Monday I'm really ill, but go into work anyway. While at work I also start my cycle. With major cramps, coughing sneezing, a generally body achyness, and massive headache I come home a bit early. Sit at my computer in the bedroom with a cup of hot tea, I'm crying or teary eyed due to how icky I feel. When my headaches get bad I cry, not sobbing emotional, just pain tears. After a while I get dressed thinking I'll still take Wolf out for shopping like I had promised her, and Airyn/Chipmunk. Instead I grab a couple blankets, my pillow and curl up on Wolfs bed beside her and fall asleep. That's probably at 10:30 or 11am.

Airyn gets up around 12:30pm and comes out to check on me. Chipmunk had apparently told him I was crying. So he wakes me up and asks me how I'm feeling, but I'm not so coherent. He tells me that I'm clamy, and I tell him I'm cold. So he checks my temp, but I'm not running a fever. He gets me up and makes me some hot tea and breakfast. Then asks again if I'm ok. So I give him the list of my body aches and pains. He tells me that Chipmunk said I was crying that morning. I told him of course I hurt every where, and the rest we can talk about later. He's relieved that it's not something he did. At about 2pm I'm being tucked back into our bed with another cup of hot tea, and kisses from Airyn. He's telling me to sleep as much as I can that maybe I'll feel better in the morning.

The next morning I'm getting ready for work, but still feel just as crappy. Airyn asks how I'm feeling, and I tell him not so great. I also tell him I may come home early again, but that I'll just wait and see how I feel once I'm more awake. He sends me to work with plenty of tea to drink. When I get home I'm not feeling as bad as the day before, so I get dressed, and get Wolf up at about 9am she and I head out to have our shopping trip that got postponed due to my being sick. Wolf asked me why I was sleeping in her bed yesterday morning, and I tell her that I was feeling really Ill, and couldn't fall asleep, but laid down in her bed fully dress for our shopping trip and went right to sleep. I told her that normally I can't sleep in my bra and jeans. She laughs at my explanation and the funny face I make at her. We spend more then an hour at a hobby/craft store. Wolf is frugal with her gift card money, and gets her self some on sale modeling clay in a multicolor package, and some clearance card stock paper that she intends to use for origami. I'm proud of her careful math and thoughtful item choices. She could have bought the same things, but the non sale/clearance ones at a higher price tag. She was being smart, and didn't need any coaching suggestions from mom on how to make her gift money go farther. After that I have a few errands to run, so we go to the grocery store, and then I take her to the library to pick herself out some new reading materials as she just returned her last book. She found herself a four book series, and check all four books out.

It's after noon before we get home, and Airyn and Chipmunk are still sleeping. Wolf and I put up our groceries. My day is basically over I'm tired, and still not feeling well. They get up while I'm putting away groceries, and head to the kitchen. Airyn makes me a cup of tea. Wolf shows off her purchases. Airyn tells me that he and Chipmnk are going out for coffee and to pick up a camp cot for Chipmunk's space. I tell Airyn that I'm pretty tired and that I'd like to get to bed early. I crawl into bed with my tea just around 1pm, and they head out around 2. When they get back around 3 I hear them putting the cot together in the next room, and They are coming and going from the bedroom getting pillows, blankets, tablets, the laptop, and such. I have a hard time falling back to sleep, but eventually do. At some point that night I wake up to the noises they are making. Talking loudly or laughing, and music. They turn it down quickly, but Now I'm awake. Can't fall back to sleep and when I realize it's almost time for me to get up for work I give up on sleep and jump in the shower. When Airyn comes in the room to make sure I'm up I'm already dressed.

I tell him that I couldn't fall back to sleep after they got loud suddenly, and took a shower. He puts his hand on my wet hair which i have up in a bun, and tells me my hair is wet. I tell him yeah that happens in a shower. lol. He tells me he never heard the shower turn on, and said that they were watching tv on the laptop. He apologizes for waking me, but I tell him there's not much he can do I'm a light sleeper and the sounds was really sudden when it was so quite in my room. Chipmunk's space is right up against one of the door to our bedroom. We don't use the second door, so if seemed like a good place when the idea came up. Chipmunk doesn't come out of her space which Airyn has dubbed "the broom closet" because it is tiny. He tells me that Chipmunk has decided to sleep in her new space tonight. So when I get home he'll be in bed alone. I ask him what time she's has to be at work. He tells me early, and that he's not sure what time she's getting up. Ok so probably not going to get be napping in bed after work.
 
Wednesday and Thursday

So I get home from dropping Wolf off at school, and sit a my computer while I wind down. At about 8:20ish I snuggle up to Airyn, and ask him when Chipmunk is getting up he says she getting up around 8:30. I tell him that's not long from now, and end up snoozing till his alarm goes off. Airyn gets up and wakes Chipmunk up, and he and I chat a bit while she gets ready for work. After Airyn drops Chipmunk off at work he picks me up we were headed to buy some coffee for the house, but he stops at a new coffee shop he and Chipmunk have been to a couple times, and we sit down to a couple bottomless cups of coffee, and brunch. It's a nice place and I like both the hot coffee, and the yummy food. We get our coffee for the house, and spend several hours snuggled together in bed. It was sweet, but Airyn remarks that I'm getting all clamy again, and suggests that we not do anything more exciting while I'm well. Since I'm feeling really crappy I have no complaints, and tell him that I've really enjoyed snuggling with him. When our alarm goes off we get up, and pick Wolf up then Chipmunk. Back at the house Airyn tucks me into bed with kisses telling me that he enjoyed snuggling with me too, and that he wants me to get better. Tells me to get as much sleep as I can, and he'll see me in a few hours.

Thursday after work, I take a short nap and get Airyn up around 10am to head into downtown to take care of some school things with him. He gets frustrated at all the lines we end up in, but then we talk to the STEMS office about an internship where he can get job experience programing, and using the computer knowledge he has, plus what he's currently learning. He's excited, and reads over several of the intern posting. Hands the book back to the lady we are talking to and tells her he could do any of the positions she currently has open. So now he's planning to email her his resume, and set up an appointment to iron his resume out and send it to several of the posting he was looking at. We end up being gone for several hours. When we get home Chipmunk is still in bed, but is awake.

They decide to walk to Chipmunk's work, and Airyn asks me to meet him half way. I tell him sure. Since Chipmunk walks slower then I do after they head out I decide to change into something a bit sexier and put on some make-up. I spend about 5-10 mins getting ready then head out. I walk through the neighborhood as usual and never spot them, I'm walking a little bit faster thinking that I'm running behind since I spent time doing make-up (which is rare for me). But when I turn a corner into the shopping center parking lot I'm only about 15 feet away from them. I stop suddenly very much surprised as I never spotted them while I was walking. I give them a big lead and walk much much slower to my meet point with Airyn. When he meets up with me I tell him that I almost ran into them, and he tells me I didn't see them because they took the alley, and then he showed me the way they walked. I told him I didn't want them to think I was spying on them or anything I really didn't mean to catch up to them I just walk fast. He said not to worry that he didn't spot me till I got to our meet point and they didn't think anything of it. We spend a few mins talking at home then have to go pick Wolf up from school. I'm having trouble sleeping, so Airyn puts some light music on and snuggles with me for a while. Then heads out to have lunch with Chipmunk. At this point its been days since he and I have had any sexually intimacy other then cuddling. It makes me sad, but I have been sick, and messy with my cycle, not a good combination for feeling sexy.
 
Friday, January 25th

Friday was a pretty good day with a few minor disappointments. Chipmunk doesn't move to her new space till I'm getting home from dropping Wolf off at school. This bothers me, but I don't say anything. I got home from work at 7am, and home from dropping Wolf off just after 8am. When I walk in Airyn is "tucking" chipmunk into her cot in her space, and giving her kisses. I head to the bedroom, and change for a nap. I was up really late Thursday cause I couldn't sleep and am really tired. Airyn and I snuggle up together, and he tells me that Chipmunk is going to that coffee house for a few hours before her mom comes to pick her up for the day. He tells me that we are dropping her off and picking her up from the coffee house.

Chipmunk is in the room getting ready to go around noonish. Airyn and I wake up and get ready. I drive, we drop her off, and head right back home for a bit. Airyn and I lay back down to watch a movie, and a couple hours later are getting ready to pick Wolf and Chipmunk up. We pick them both up, and come home Chipmunk drops her purchases off in the kitchen and gets a few things together to take with her to her mom's. Airyn is sitting at his computer and I'm sitting on the bed while she's busy rummaging through the closet and her things looking for stuff. Her clean laundry is in totes in front of her closet and has been sitting there for a week now. So she can't find anything. Airyn and I are teasing her about her space in the living room, and how now she'll have to keep that cleaned up. We joke about treating her like we do Wolf. I tell her we can take her tablets power cord away like we do Wolfs computer when it's time to clean house. She pouts, and says she not my kid, and I grin and say I know. And then leave it at that, maybe she gets it that I shouldn't have to say anything about her keeping the living room space she's claiming clean and neat. After she finds the things she was looking for she sits in Airyns lap till she gets a message from her mom saying that she's downstairs, and off she goes. Airyn and I have a pretty good evening together after that. But I have to comment on how comfortable she is being flirty with him in front of me on our day versus how uncomfortable she was when we took her with us to do shopping and saw us walking around arm in arm. I tell him that if it's cool for her to do on our day it should also be cool for me on their day. Then I tell him I'll be sure to bounce in his lap on there day next time. He laughs and says she wasn't bouncing. I tell him I know, and grin saying I don't normally bounce in his lap either and that I was just kidding any way as I'm more discrete then that.

Airyn and I end up having a good evening together, but I'm just getting over being sick and get into bed right around the same time Chipmunk is getting home 11:30pm. Airyn tells me that if I want to nap I should, and that he'll wake me in a couple hours so we can play our game some more. Chipmunk is settling into her space and getting into her cot. Airyn kinda tucks her in and gives her kisses, then comes back to me and basically does the same. I fall asleep quickly, and don't wake up till about 4am asking Airyn for water. Airyn brings me a glass, and then joins me in bed telling me it's really late. I call him a trickster for talking me into napping even if it was for my own good. We giggle and cuddle and fall back to sleep. Airyn tells me that it was nice being able to tuck both Chipmunk and me in when we went to sleep.
 
Saturday January 26th

I wake up earlier then Airyn, and after our day Friday I'm feeling frisky, but some what shyish. I don't know how Airyn feels about Chipmunk being just on the other side of our bedroom door. So I cuddle and fondle him, but nothing beyond that. Airyn wakes up and huggs me close and tight. It was sweet, just not very sexy. So we get up, and Airyn wakes Chipmunk. We piddle around the house for a while, and Airyn and Chipmunk decide to walk to her work again. This time I plan to give them a 15 min head start so I don't catch up to them again. I meet Airyn at a different spot, I got a bit dressed up again since I had soo much time between when they were leaving and when I left. Airyn asks me if I want to sit and have some coffee. I tell him sure, but that I didn't bring my wallet, he didn't bring his either so we walk home. lol, poor planning I had no idea he was considering stopping for Coffee. We have the rest of Saturday evening to ourselves and it's a pleasant evening.

Airyn and I are connecting better. He asked me early how my weekend was going, and I told him I was enjoying it. I Told him that i really enjoyed snuggling with him that morning, and he agreed that it was nice to be able to do that. He commented that it had been a long while.

Airyn picks Chipmunk up from work, and Chipmunk falls asleep around 2am (Airyn spends a short while talking and cuddling with Chipmunk before she falls asleep). Airyn and I are up for another hour afterwards. Airyn doesn't make any sexual overtures at bed time so I'm feeling like he's not comfortable with Chipmunk being where she can hear us. We snuggle and chat quietly for a little while. I'm struggling to tell him how I'm feeling, and how much I've enjoyed spending time with just him these past couple days. That it's been nice to have time this weekend with out Chipmunk's moody sad presents watching every move we make. Not that she wasn't moody at all, but she wasn't home most of Saturday or Friday, so it wasn't as big a deal.

But I'm struggling just to talk to him, and I'm upset that it's so hard to say anything. Airyn holds me close and tells me not to stress, that things are getting better, and it's just going to get easier. We fall asleep wrapped in each others arms.
 
Sunday, January 26th

Airyn and I wake up still in each others arms. He's obviously happy to be there, and I'm enjoying that very much. WE are getting our selves very worked up, and I whisper to him that I want him. He holds me close and says he wants me to, and tells me we have to wait till Chipmunk goes to work. Which confirms that I was right he's not ok having sex with me where Chipmunk could potentially hear us. It makes me sad, but I understand. He and I whisper back and forth how we feel. Airyn tells me will have to curl up in bed right way after Chipmunk goes to work, so we can enjoy each others company for as long as I'm able to stay awake. I have to work that night, and shouldn't stay up too late. Eventually we get out of bed. The day is spent taking care of household chores not fun, but we do throw in some flirting and such. Then Airyn takes Chipmunk to work, and he and I finally get to enjoy ourselves in bed with out worry. Afterwards we are talking quietly and I remind him what I've been saying for the past couple weeks. That if he's ok with Chipmunk coming and going in our room on our days when she's up that I have that same right. I also point out that he was not ok with bedtime or good morning sex with Chipmunk in the next room, and that he has been ok the other way around. Since it's not ok for he and I; I'm telling him there's really no reason for me to move into the living room any more. That I'm done with that.

The conversation moves to Airyn telling me that I shouldn't feel threatened by Chipmunk, that he's not leaving me, that he loves me, and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He's very sweet and loving about it, and it bring tears to my eyes. I tell him that I love him to, and that I want to grow old with him. That Chipmunk is and has been a threat. That the two of them are not comfortable with he and I having any intimacy when she is a round. He tells me I should view her for what she is, just a girl friend. I tell him that I have not been happy here for months, and that I really want her to move out. It's a shorten version of the conversations he and I have had on and off since October. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it made me sad, so I told him that I would rather be monoamorous with him again then to continue living like this. He tells me there isn't anything he can do, and tells me that he wants me to at least be Chipmunks friend. I'm just getting more emotional, and can't talk about it any more. He asks if Chipmunk apologizing for how things turned out would help. I tell him probably not, so he asks if her explain how things happened on her end would help. I tell him all I can do is promise to listen. I can't promise anything else. He's telling me that we should talk about the things that hurt me in the first months of this relationship, and that I'll have to tell him what he's still not doing. I had told him that I can still ask for things and not get them. I told him that I didn't want to talk about it.

He's being really sweet, loving, tender, and giving me kisses. Telling me not to stress over it, that we'll figure something out. But he's still asking me to be friends and roommates with Chipmunk. He starts getting ready to go see her for her lunch, and comes back to give me more kisses, and asks if I'm ok. I tell him I'll be ok, and then he asks if I had a good weekend, so I tell him I did and give him hugs, and kisses. Then he has to go. I fall asleep while he's gone, but wake up when I hear him typing away at his computer. I ask him if he's working on school stuff. He says no he's writing something. So I ask him about it. He tells me to go back to sleep he'll show it to me later.

I get up for work, and he doesn't say anything about what he was writing we chat for a little while, and he walks me out to the car. So i ask him when he's going to show me what he was writing. He sighs, and sounds flustered, but tells me he'll show me later, and that we can talk about another day. Monday is Chipmunk day with Airyn, and before I leave for work I tell Airyn that I do have errands to run, but that my day starts when I drop Wolf off at school, that I'm not going to try to be gone between then they normally wake up and when I normally call it a night. He tells me not to worry about it, just do what I plan to do when I plan to do it.
 
Monday, January 28th

So I get home from taking Wolf to school, and sit at my PC and mess around on the internet for a while. They are a sleep in the bed behind me, but I'm quite except for the typing. I get ready to go out for the errands I need to run and head out the door around 9am. Do my shopping, get an oil change, and window shop at Michael's for yarns I want, and to see what sales they have going. Nothing special, I get home around 11:30. They are still in bed, I put my shopping items away, and head to the bedroom to put up my wallet, and other pocket items. Airyn is waking up, and to me it appears as though they had been waking up before I came in. Chipmunk puts clothes on under the sheets, and Airyn gets up and puts his house pants on.

Airyn meets me in the kitchen, and I tell him that I'd like to go to sleep earlyish, and ask if they are ok with picking Wolf up from school. Airyn says sure, and tells me they are going to go out for a bit. They leave around 1pm, and I fall a sleep around 2. I wake up just a little while after 4, and check the time. The house is quite, and I think no one is home, but figure Airyn and Chipmunk will be home soon to drop Wolf off after school. 4:20 I get up and head to the living room. The house is still quite, and I'm worrying about Wolf getting picked up, but I walk into the living room and everyone is home. We chat for a couple mins, I'm telling him that I woke up worrying about Wolf getting picked up. Airyn says he didn't want to wake me since I've had so much trouble getting sleep recently. I tell him it's ok, and head back to the bed room to lay back down. Airyn comes in and tells me that he and Chipmunk are probably gonna go out again. He tells me he'll set up gmail, and message me while they are out so that if I wake up worrying I'll know where they are. He puts my laptop on a chair by the bed, and gets me logged in, gives me kisses, and then heads out. It takes me a couple hours to fall back to sleep.
 
Tuesday, January 29th: part 1

When I get up for work that evening the next morning I tell Airyn that I'm really looking forward to our morning tomorrow. Chipmunk has a morning shift, so Airyn and I will be dropping her off at work after taking Wolf to school. She doesn't have to be in till 9, and Airyn is talking about walking. I ask if I should meet him on foot, or if he'd rather I pick him up in the car.

Airyn: I like walking, but would prefer to walk with you, or if you don't want to walk you can just pick me up in the car.
Me: I like to walk too. So let's just meet after you drop her off.
Airyn: Ok

I get out of my work clothes, and dress in jeans and a t-shirt, get my day shoes on and am ready to go in a couple mins.
15 mins later, it's about time for Airyn and Chipmunk to head out if they want to be on time, Airyn comes in and tells me they are going to drive so that Chipmunk can eat before she starts her shift.

I'm a little disappointed I really do like walking with Airyn, but ok. I give Airyn kisses, and tell him I'll see him in a little while. When he gets home he tells me that he's meeting Chipmunk for lunch around 11:30 or noon. He says he's just going to whip something up for her real quick now, and then we can cuddle up and watch a movie till time to go. I help Airyn make some pasta real quick. While we are working in the kitchen Airyn asks me if I'll stay in the living room Thursday morning so he and Chipmunk can have the bedroom to them selves. I give him a look, and he tells me, "I know how you feel about it, and it's not for that so much as just to be able to sleep, and wake up when we want. I tell him that I'm quite, and point out that they don't wake up in the mornings. He tells me that actually I have woken them up. I ask him like yesterday when I was getting ready to go out at 9am, or when i got home from my errands at 11:30? He looks a bit surprised and says I woke him with my sniffling last week, so I tell him I'm not sick any more. He says he's asking for him, and tells me that he'll get up at a reasonable hour so that I'm not stuck in the living room for 4 or 5 hours, so I agree. Then Airyn copies our move over to the laptop, but it's taking a while so we jump into a game for a bit before we lay down. We curl up to watch our movie, and Airyn tells me not to be upset if he falls asleep that he was up late. I tell him ok that I might fall a sleep too. But instead we enjoy the movie, Airyn's even being touchy flirty, and I'm really enjoying it.

Our alram goes off, and we get ready to leave. Airyn's taking me to the coffee house across the street from Chipmunk's job. We get there and hang out for about 15 mins then he walks over to her job, and waits about 30 mins before he joins me back at the coffee shop. Chipmunk didn't get to take her break while Airyn was there, so Airyn left her lunch and meet back up with me. We sat and drank coffee for a while before heading back home to finish our movie. By the time we get home it's 1pm, and so far we've had a nice low stress morning. We curl up and watch our movie. Airyn asks me if I'm having a good day. I tell him that I am, but I'm sad it's almost over. I tell him that it's been really nice to spend time with just him no Wolf, no Chipmunk, just the two of us. I tell him that it has been a very long time since he and I were able to watch a movie with out Wolf knocking at the door, or cuddle up in bed with out Chipmunk making us self conscious.

After our movie we have a sweet, tender moment of sexual connection. We are more connected then we have been in a long while. Before we get done enjoying the aftermath Airyn gets two quick message tones from his gmail.

Airyn: Now what? *checks his messages*
Chipmunk's off work now, she says I can pick her up after we get Wolf, but that's a long while yet. I'm telling her I can get her now.

Me: *Sigh* she wasn't supposed to get off for another hour.

Airyn: Yeah, we almost waited to late.

Then we kiss, and Airyn holds me tight for a moment, and asks me what's wrong.

Me: I already told you what's wrong, Airyn. Earlier I was sad that our day alone was almost over, and now it's ending even earlier.

We get up and get dressed, but I'm still feeling emotional, and vulnerable. I'm kissing on Airyn and tell him that I haven't had enough of him today. He smiles.
Airyn: I know, I wanted to spend more time alone with you too. We'll have more time on Friday. I love you.
Me: I love you too.

Airyn gets home with Chipmunk, and I'm dressed and getting my shoes on. I tell him we have to leave in a few mins to get Wolf, and he tells me he'll get her. Then he leaves the bed room, and comes back with 3 hand written pages. The letter he was writing Sunday night. He set it on the bed between Chipmunk and I and tells us it's for us to read together and there's only the one copy so we have to share. Then he leaves to get Wolf.

I tell Chipmunk that I cheated and have already read it, but I sit beside her and read it again any way. It's how Airyn feels. He's telling us that he loves and appreciates us both for different reasons, that it hurts him when she and I aren't getting along. He's telling us that neither of us should feel threatened or jealous or hate the other. That we have him in common if nothing else, and that our difference should allow us to be good friends. He's saying that he wakes up plotting how to make us both happy, and falls a sleeping thinking about what he could have done better, and where he went wrong. It's emotional, and sweet. It makes me feel sad, angry, and happy all at once.

I'm sad that he's struggling between Chipmunk and I, I'm angry that he's not listening to me and is still trying to force a friendship on me that I don't want, and can't make happen, and happy that he loves me the way he does. I know Chipmunk enough to know that she won't speak first, and at first I'm not sure what I want to say. Chipmunk and I were sitting on the bed reading the note, so I get up and pace a little bit. Then I stop, I'm facing one of the bedroom windows. I look over at Chipmunk slightly teary eyed.

Me: I don't hate you, I don't fear you, and I'm not jealousy of you. What I worry about is what's been happening between me and Airyn. He doesn't really understand. He's asking me to be ok with the same things he tells me he would not be ok with.

I walk out the bedroom door, and hurry to the kitchen. Grabbing some tissues I head back to the bedroom, and hand some to Chipmunk. I turn to leave again, and stop and look back at Chipmunk.

Me: Airyn's asking me to be your friend when what I wanted was to fall in love with you. He can't fix that he can't change that. I am who and what I am, and you are what you are. It's not something that can be changed or fixed, it just is.

Then I walk back to the kitchen open the window that has no screen and curl myself up onto the window sill, and cry till Airyn gets home. Chipmunk does not get herself together enough to say anything to me, she doesn't come to the kitchen to say anything either. I figure it will be a while before she's ready to talk, if at all.
 
Tuesday, January 29th: part 2

Airyn comes home with Wolf, and stands by me talking. He asked what happened, what I said and why I'm upset. Then asks if we can talk in the bedroom, so I get up and follow him. We walk into the bedroom, and Chipmunk stomps out of the room. Airyn trys talking to her as she heads out, but can't get a word in.

Airyn: Whats the matter with you two. Was my letter that bad?

Me: No, it wasn't bad.

Airyn: You two were supposed to talk.

Me It takes two people to talk, and Chipmunk wasn't about to start any conversation, so I said what I had to say and left the room. I've spent the whole time crying in the kitchen, and she had nothing to say and never left the bedroom.

Airyn: Well what did you say.

So I tell him what I said. He's frustrated.

Airyn: This is why I don't talk about how I feel, you don't care. How did my letter to you guys telling you how I feel become all about you.

Me: Because you are still telling me to be her friend Airyn. It takes two people for that, and she has made no attempts to meet me half way. I told you on Sunday that I'd rather be monoamorus with you then continue to live like this, and you tell me to be her friend. In the poly community All she and I have to do is be respectful, and cordial to each other. At this point that is my goal and I feel I have done a pretty good job at that. I can't give you any more then that.

Airyn talks more about me not caring about how he feels, to which I tell him that if that were the case then I'd have put Chipmunk out, or made them end their relationship back in October. Or at the latest November when I told him I was done. He's has a some what shocked look on his face.

I tell Airyn that the level of intimacy that is ok between the three of us has been going backwards because i have been pulling away from it slowly. That I was trying to be care of how they felt about each other, that I really don't want to hurt the two of them. I just don't see any oint to my being intimate with Chipmunk, or my being ok with intimate things between Airyn and Chipmunk when they aren't ok with those same thing between he and I. I tell him that If I didn't care about how he felt I'd have cut everything off at once and not be careful, and delicate about it.

We talk calmly for a while, and then he tells me he has to go talk to Chipmunk. I tell him I'm getting into bed, but that It will be hard to fall a sleep now.

Airyn goes and talks with Chipmunk for a long while. When he comes in I'm in tears again, and we talk some more. He starts by telling me what Chipmunk told him.

Airyn: So you had already read my letter?

Me: yeah

Airyn: that's not fair.

Me: *angry look at Airyn* A lot of things aren't fair.

Airyn: Chipmunk tells me you said you aren't ok with her being my girl friend.

Me: *looking confused* I never said that. I never talked about your relationship with her. I only talked about my relationship with you, and my relationship with her like I told you before. If she read more into it then what I said that's on her. She could have decided to come talk to me.

Airyn: She wanted to talk, but she doesn't know what to say.

Me: She never does. Every time she and I have talked it has been me talking, her listening and only answering when she HAS too.

Airyn: yeah, she does a lot of listening.

Me: I said what I had to say, and walked away so she could think. I knew she wouldn't be the first one to say something. I knew that if anything was going to be said, if any one was going to speak up it would have to be me, or nothing at all.

He tells me I'm giving him mixed messages that I tell him I don't want to live with him and Chipmunk, and that I'm willing to consider it. I tell him that I'm done with all of it then we talk about her having her own place in our home. I tell him that I am done with it, it him who isn't done. That I have never agreed to moving into a new place with the two of them. I tell him I was willing to consider it for his sake, but I've had enough. It time for him to figure it out. If he wants her to live with me then he has to end their relationship and she can stay, or he can keep her as a girlfriend and move her out. I tell him that the problem isn't so much Chipmunk, it's him. The problem has always boiled down to how he has treated me during this whole thing. That If he and I had been a couple, and he had been considerate of me that maybe I'd feel differently, but it's too late for that now. I have no interest in trying to make this work any more. That I want to be Mono with him so I can heal, so things can get better for us.

He tells me that if he moves her out I still won't get to be mono with him. I tell him I know that. I tell him it's what I want, but it's not what he wants. That because they love each other it's just not realistic to expect that. But it's time he start hearing what I'm saying and understanding me. I tell him I've been telling him this for months he just hasn't been willing to listen.

Me: Airyn you haven't been here for me in months, I've needed you and you haven't been here. You've not been available for me. You've listened to what I say, and what I tell you, and what I ask for, then you go off and do what ever, and don't think how your actions will affect me. Like at the gay club you were supposed to be there for me and still be a couple with Chipmunk, but instead you two shut me out. I needed you and you weren't there for me. You were to busy being happy that Chipmunk wasn't hanging all over some stranger.

Airyn: You think I know what I'm doing? I'm new at this.

Me: That worked in the begining, but after 6 month being "new" isn't an excuse any more. You have resource you can learn from. Tell me have you read any of the forums I've sent you? Have you learned anything from them?

Airyn: I've read a little, but no I didn't learn anything.

Me: Then you didn't really read anything. You told me you would do some reading on the forums like I've been asking during the 5 weeks you had off from school. You chose not to, that's not you being "new" that's you not careing about what I'm telling you, and how I feel. I've not been happy here, and I don't see that changing.

Airyn: Everything will work better once Chipmunk has her own room.

Me: Right, her having her own room will magically make her not jealous, or moody, or emotional during our time together?
Airyn you can't even touch me when she's home, you or her or both of you are uncomfortable with you and I being intimate when she around. If that's how it still is then WHY would I want her around?
If you and I can't hold hand, kiss, hug, flirt, be a couple, or have sex when she is here then WHY would I want her here?

Airyn: Silence

Me: When was the last time we woke up with complete privacy in the bedroom?
It's been over a month. How about you and Chipmunk? Last week, ok so you came to the living room right away, but you woke up with complete privacy, and you two have had that several times a week for months till I decided that I was done being moved to the living room all the time.

Tell me Airyn when was the last time we woke up to good morning sex? or had bedtime sex?, when was the last time we went to bed at 2am only to stay awake together till 6am? Not since Chipmunk moved in. If we can't be together when she is here WHY would I want her here. If you can't be close and intimate, and flirty with me when she's here then she has to get out.

Me: I would rather miss you 2-3 days a week while you stay at her place then be this unhappy all the time. It would be easier for me, then having to watch the intimacy between you two and not have the same available between us.

Airyn doesn't say much, he just listens, gives me kisses, and tells me to try to sleep that he's going to go talk to Chipmunk some more. He tells me he'll talk to her about moving out.

He leaves, and I can't sleep. After a while I get up and get some ice water. Wolf is on her computer, but I don't see Airyn and Chipmunk, they are probably in Chipmunk's curtained off space. Back to bed (with my water), and still can't sleep. A couple hours later and I give up, head to the kitchen to get a tall shot of vodka. It's been hours since I ate, and alcohol works to slow my mind so I can fall a sleep. When I walk in Airyn and Chipmunk are talking quietly, Airyn kinda laughs at me when I make a face at him and grab the vodka from the freezer. He tells me I better hurry up and fall a sleep, "Chop chop you have 30 mins!" ha ha very funny. But I do leave grinning.
 
Wednesday, January 30th

I start getting up for work, Airyn comes in and tells me that it's decided Chipmunk is going to move out. That she's opening a savings account like we've been telling her to and starting to actually save to move out. Then he heads to the kitchen to make me some coffee. When I'm dressed and basically ready I meet him in the kitchen, Chipmunk is off in her space. Airyn tells me he thinks he has Chipmunk actually excited about getting her own place. He's telling me it wasn't easy and that there was a good bit of crying at first.

Me: Was it more difficult then living as we are for the past 6 months? More difficult then watching me be sad, and unhappy for another 6 months?

Airyn: No, but it wasn't easy. I feel like this is going to be an "I told you so" moment.

Me: Why? What will make this an "I told you so?"

Airyn: I think you'll find that it's still the same, just me traveling 10 mins between you two. I'll still be dealing with you two not happy with one another.

Me: You think it will be the same problems? That I won't be happier? Won't my being happier make things easier for you?

Airyn: Yeah, you'll probably be happier, but things will be just as difficult if not more so for me. I don't see you actually being ok with me being gone 3 days a week.

Me: Like I said before I would rather be sad and miss you for 3 days a week, then continue to be so unhappy all the time. To be so alone in my own home.

Airyn: *thoughtfully* It will make it easier if you are happy more often.

Airyn is very unhappy, obviously disappointed, and feeling very negative. It makes me sad seeing him so hurt and torn, and I realise he's dealing with the very negative, doom and gloom outlook that Chipmunk always has.

Airyn: I told Chipmunk that she's looking at it wrong. She should look at her getting a place where she and I can hang out on our days and have privacy. I told her we'd do it all together, search for a place, decorate, buy furniture everything. I told her that she's not being kicked out at the end of March, if she needs another pay check or two she can still stay with us.

Me: as long as there is an actual plan for her to be moving out that's fine. I never intended to kick her out with out a place to go. I have always wanted for her to be independent, financially stable. I don't actually want to hurt you guys, I'm just done being miserable here. I know that you two are in love, and I'm trying to be as ok with as much as I can. Distance will help me a lot. I asked for space, and time when she and I broke up and didn't get that.

Airyn: There's wasn't much we could have done. Our space is too small right now.

I'm thinking that they could have slowed things down I asked for that too, and didn't get it. I also asked for them to be more discrete, and that didn't happen either. With Airyn being so very negative, and obviously upset I decide to keep those thoughts to myself. We go back to talking about things between us, he's saying telling me we'll have to talk more about what he's not doing that upsets me. So I leave him with something to think about.

Me: Airyn, you've not been there for me, I'm in new territory, and you tell me you want to be there for me that we are doing this together. Then we go to a gay club where I'm supposed to be able to come back to you for at least discrete togetherness, and I need you, but end up walking away the last couple times trying not to burst into tears. Do you really think that the anxiety and stress I woke up with the next day was NEW? I needed you at that club and you weren't there for me.

Airyn doesn't say anything, I can see he's thinking about that, and I start the car, we kiss and I hurry off to work.

Wednesday day Airyn gets up at Noon and tells me he wants to go out. So we get ready to go out, pack my laptop, and his tablet. We head to a local coffee house that has a good internet connection. Airyn works on school stuff on the laptop, and I mess around with a game on his tablet (one he got for me). Airyn is gmail chatting, and web caming with Chipmunk here and there. He asks me if there's any problem with him and Chipmunk opening a saving account together. I tell him I don't see anything wrong, but that he may not be able to add his name to a checking account with her. Over all he and I chat on and off till time to go. Pick up Wolf then Airyn joins me in the bedroom as I get ready to sleep. He asks me if I'm feeling better knowing that Chipmunk is moving out.

Me: It's nice to think she's moving out, but I still worry you'll try to talking me into her moving with us again.

Airyn: Don't worry about that. It's a done deal. She has a plan and she opening a saving tomorrow to start saving to move out. She and I have been talking about decorating together. She excited about getting her own place.

I sit up and hug him close and tell him it's nice to hear that. Then I lay down to sleep before work. Airyn gives me kisses and tells me he and Chipmunk are going out for a little while. I tell him that's fine, and ask if he'll let me know when he gets back. He asks if I want him to wake me if I'm actually a sleep that sleep has been a problem for me for a while. I nod and tell him to just give me a kiss, I can sleep through that and if I wake worried I may remember he came in, and be able to fall back to sleep. He agrees.
 
Thursday, January 31st

I get up for work, and Airyn reminds me about staying in the living room. I tell him I agreed and I'm not going back on it, and ask him to leave my laptop and my pillows out for me. I move some day clothes and some comfy house close to the living room so I can change after work. Airyn tells me he'll set an alarm for 10am so that I'm not off in the living room all day. I thank him for that, and he thanks me for being willing to stay in the living room for a few hours.

At work I get to thinking about the day before, and I realize something. We live in a common property state. Anything Airyn signs his name to we are both 100% financially responsible for, which on the reverse mean we are both 100% in control of as well. I start looking around on the net to confirm my suspicion. I know Airyn's not awake or available, but I message him any way. I tell him that he's right our credit reports are tied, just not in the way he thought. Then I tell him I'm ok with them opening a savings account, but not ok with a checking or an apartment. That anything he signs his name to we are both financially responsible for. I tell him that I didn’t have much time to think about it when he first asked, and asked to talk about it later, but before they start looking at apartments.

When I get home I see where Airyn set the laptop, and I open it to find a hand written "I Love You <3" sticky note. So I log into gmail, and message him back that I love him too. After taking Wolf to school 9:45 rolls around and I decide to jump into the shower. That way if they get up, but don't come out right away I can just ignore it. I get out get dressed, and see that it's 10:30 they are still sleeping. By 11 I'm getting frustrated. I get home from work at 7, and home from dropping Wolf off just after 8. I have phone calls to make, and need the headphones, but they are in the bedroom. I don't feel like knitting, and I'm wishing Airyn had actually gotten up like he promised. Just after 11 I start getting sleepy enough to fall asleep. So I curl up with my laptop on Chipmunks cot. Wolf's cat gets all excited and starts purring before I'm even laying down enough for him to lay on me. lol silly cat. By 11:30 I'm a sleep.

I wake up hearing Airyn and Chipmunk talking clear as day in the bedroom. I don't wake supper quickly, but I know it's late, and I'm sad, and sleepy with just over an hours nap. I have no memory of what they were talking about. I've found that half heard conversations while I'm sleeping make little to no sense to me. Probably a good thing.

I wake up enough to open the laptop, and move out of Chipmunk's space. Airyn messages me.

Airyn: ;) damn it’s late couldn’t sleep :(

Me: ?

Airyn: Last night I was up late after sleeping in yesterday

Me: Oh

Airyn comes out and goes to the kitchen to make himself some coffee, and I bring up the common property state stuff that I looked up. I tell him that I'll be financially responsible for anything he sings his name to, and that him having his name on a second apartment could cause problems when we start looking to buy a home. He talks about being able to remove his name like a roommate who moved out. I tell him we'll have to see how that works I don't know anything about that.

Then he goes back to the bed room to make Chipmunk get out of bed and dress for the day. They head out to open their savings account. I get message from Airyn telling me sarcastically how much fun sitting at the bank is. haha. They get home and Airyn has stopped at a grocery store picked up some bread, and cinnamon rolls. He's tell Chipmunk and I that cinnamon rolls are his favorite sweet. He save one for Wolf, but between the three of us we eat the rest. They weren't half bad considering they are store bought. I tell him I have a recipe and should make him some home made ones this week. He likes that idea.

He and Chipmunk start making sandwiches, and are telling me that they are going to go into down town and walk around for a while. The sandwiches are for a picnic type lunch/dinner at one of the park out there. Then Airyn tells me that they are bringing their tablets, and he'll message me once they get within the wifi of the college in downtown. I ask him if they are headed towards the school, and he say that they can hardly walk around in down town and not end up near the school. Then they leave pick up Wolf, drop her off and head into down town.

Wolf and I talk about her day, and I help her with home work. Then I head to the bed room to lay down, but I'm not falling a sleep. Haven't heard from Airyn yet, and it's getting late so I'm wondering where they are. Around 6pm I message Airyn (even though he's not online) and tell him that I'm really looking forward to tomorrow (Friday), and that I'm laying down. I wake up when Airyn comes into the bedroom to get the laptop and say that he never messaged me. He says he never pulled his tablet out, and apologizes. *sigh*
 
Friday, February 1st

Friday, February 1st
I get up for work, and Airyn makes me coffee. We talk on the way to the car. He's telling me that Chipmunk has to be at work for 7:30, and that they'll be getting up by 6:30.

Me: 6:30?
Airyn: Yeah is that all right?
Me: so you can get up at 6:30 to get Chipmunk to work, but you can't get up 10 so that I don't spend more then half my day in the living room?
Airyn: Necessity I guess.
Me: *angry* I can make it a necessity. *glaring at Airyn*
Airyn: Gees.

Me: *less angry* I was only a sleep for an hour, I've told you I don't like be moved out of the bed room. It's my room too. I have always spent my mornings in the bed room with you. Usually curled up beside you reading a book. Instead I'm spending my time in the living room, and you see you for less then 15 mins. You still aren't cuddling with me when I go to bed. I keep telling you that if you are ok with it on our day, then you need to be ok with it our your day with Chipmunk, or it has to stop happening.

I leave for work still angry, still feeling like I can't trust the things Airyn tells me. First he say he'll get up so I'm not stuck in the living room, then he says he'll message me, neither of those things happen. I should just stop expecting him to follow through. Not that I was surprised, just sad and disappointed.

At work I call to let him know I made it then I login and message him.

1:20 Me: Not sure this is a good Idea, but I'm logged in.
I Love you Airyn, I'm just frustrated.

2:00 Airyn: I know. I'm sorry :(

2:10 Me: >.>
I've been anxious about it since you asked.
I really was trying not to be upset.

Airyn: Yeah. Going to sleep now. Hope I can make it up to you today.

Me: I'll see you in a few hours. I just want to be close to you.

Airyn: Same. No fighting. Just closeness.

Me: Yes please.

Airyn: Miss you. See you soon.

Me: I miss you too! <3
Good night.

I get home from work, Airyn drives Chipmunk to her job, we drop Wolf off at school. Then we curl up in bed together. Airyn asks me if I'm feeling better with knowing Chipmunk is moving out. I tell him she's still here, nothing has changed yet.

Airyn: I keep thinking you should be excited that she's moving, but you aren't.

Me: you were pretty upset about it, hard for me to be excited when your upset. I am glad you two are talking about her moving. I'm looking forward to have an actual day not cut up by Chipmunk. I'm hopeful that it actually happens.

Airyn: As I recall I was angry about more then one thing. Like you reading my letter before I gave you permission. And she is moving it's the plan, it's a done deal.

Me: I'm sorry you were angry, are you still angry?

Airyn: I guess not, I'm trying not to think about it.

Me: Hmm. I know that feeling. Not thinking about the things that bother you.
Tell me does Chipmunk know that you have a key logger on her computer?

Airyn: Are you trying to justify reading my letter early?

Me: No Just asking a question.

Airyn: No not specifically, but she knows I can see everything she types, just not how I do it.

Me: Do you still feel that you have nothing to hide?

Airyn: silence

Airyn and I have always had access to each others informations. Logins and passwords to everything. We have one book with all our login and passwords saved in it. We've talked about this many many times. Airyn has always maintained that he has nothing to hide, and I have said the same thing. When we were teens I used to write things and leave it in places for him to find. He used to go through my things and read the notes I left him. I think this was the first time that Airyn truly realized there is a trust issue between us. It's an issue that has been building for months. Starting back when Chipmunk was working much farther away, and getting worse when he obviously deleted messages he sent her from my phone back in November. As well as a few other incidents.

Me: I probably wouldn't have felt I needed to read it early if other things had been different.

Airyn doesn't respond to that. So we go on about our day. Over all it's a good day. Airyn and I are connecting physically, and I'm beginning to feel like he's actually hearing and understanding me again. We talk about how we both feel more connected with each other, and how much better things have gotten. I tell him that things are easier for me now that he and I are actually getting to spend time together. After talking we curl up naked and fall a sleep for a short nap. Then we have to get up to pick Chipmunk and Wolf up from work and school.

Airyn leaves to pick up Chipmunk. When he gets home and we head out to get Wolf together he tells me that he talked with Chipmunk in the car on the way home. That he asked her to be cool, told her that it's stressing him out that every weekend she gets bothered see he and I together. According to Airyn she says she ok with it, and that she has stuff to do.

Chipmunk spends most of the evening on her tablet, computer and/or napping in her space. We can tell she's uncomfortable, but she's keeping it to herself. Airyn and I get our game on and have a good time. We talk about going out for coffee, but decide to hold that in reserve for when Chipmunk get moody, or emotional. Just as we are finishing a round in our game Chipmunk opens the joining door (the one her space is up against). She has this angry stressy look on her face. Airyn asks what's wrong, and she just points into the living room.

Airyn: Is Wolf being too loud, I'll go talk to her.

So we get up and check on Wolf who's making herself ramen in the kitchen. We ask her to keep it quite and let her know that Chipmunk is going to sleep. Then i point out to Airyn that it is the weekend and it's not even 8pm. That normally Wolf is allowed to stay up till midnight on her days off from school. Airyn tells me that she can stay up but she has to be quite, and considerate of Chipmunk. I agree, and point out that Wolf won't be silent, Chipmunk will need to put in headphones, or put a pillow over her head. They both have to compromise.

Back to our room and our game. Around 10pm I tell Airyn that I'm really tired and need some sleep. This week hasn't been good on me for sleep. He tells me to go a head and lay down. So we snuggle together, then he gets up and goes to cuddle with Chipmunk as she's going to sleep too.
 
Saturday, February 2nd

Airyn and I have an early morning appointment to get our taxes taken care of. We get up and are gone about an hour. 10 am Airyn gets Chipmunk up so she can get ready for work. Wolf is still sleeping, and Airyn and I head out to get live feeder mice for his snake and to stop at a yarn store just outside of Dallas. Before we get on the express way Airyn asks me if I know of a florist close by. I tell him I'm sure there is one, but that I've never really paid attention. We end up stopping at a market/grocery place. Airyn picks out a special treat for me. And organic licorice in a flavor I haven't tried before. He tells me he wanted to get me something special, but that I get chocolates all the time, and he just got me my favorite organic fresh ground peanut butter. I tell him yeah it's hard to find thing local for me when what I'm interested in these days is mostly online or outside the city. I try the his treat, and it's really nice, I even get him to try it. Then we stop at another place for a flower. Airyn was wanting to pick up just one, but since I don't know where a florist is he has to settle for a small bunch of very pink carnations. He clips one short, and we go to Chipmunk's job where he give it to her. I assume she appreciated it.

We are gone several hours, and spend the rest of our time in the car talking, goofing off, flirting and generally being close. By the time we get home we are both sleepy from getting up so early, and from driving all over the place. Off to the bedroom, for some R&R. Airyn hits all the right spots with me, and I'm feeling very warm and pleasant when we curl up for some sleep.

Chipmunk gets off at 6:30 and Airyn picks her up. At the house she wants to make a cake, but doesn't have a box mix she likes. We talk her into just making it from scratch, and I hear Airyn reminding her to clean up her project if not as she goes then when she's done. She makes her cake pops it into the oven and head to her space to snooze till her timer gots off. After her cake comes out, she's talking about getting some sleep cause she has to go to work early the next day. While she in her space she hears Airyn, Wolf and I in the living room. We are laughing, giggling and generally acting like a happy family. This makes her come out of her space. She tells Airyn that she's going to sit out side for a while.

So she's upset about something again. It's latish about 10pm at this point, and I know Airyn is going to need to go talk with her. In our room I tell him I was wanting to take a shower, that I'd like him to join me, but I think he needs to go talk to Chipmunk. He gives me hugs and is kissing my neck then tells me that he does need to talk with her. And he thanks me for being understanding. I tell him it easier to be understanding when things are working well between us, when he and I are more connected, and able to spend time together. I tell Airyn that the last few weeks I've really appreciated getting to spend time with just him even if our weekends didn't go as well as they could have. More kisses, and gratitude from Airyn

I start the shower, and get in. Airyn heads outside to talk with Chipmunk, but walks back into the bathroom really quickly. I ask him what's up, and he looks stressed, and upset. He tells me not to worry about it that it's between him and Chipmunk, and we can talk about it later. I finish my shower, and I'm now worrying about what happened. I ask him if it's something I did, and he tells me no it's nothing like that. ok.

Him and Chipmunk start emailing back and forth while he and i try to play another round of our game. I ask if they are talking it out in text. He say yeah, and it obviously tilting his screen away from me not wanting me to see what they are talking about. 30 mins of this back and forth between them and we hear Chipmunk in the shower. He tells me he needs to talk to her. I tell him ok. he goes off we lose our game. He comes back and asks what happen. I tell him 2 other people dropped so it's not his fault him being at his computer wouldn't have made enough of a difference.

Me: so what's up?

Airyn: we can talk about it later.

Me: It's not something we did right?

Airyn: no, It may not seem like it, but Chipmunk is very worried about our marriage, and about how thing fell apart.

Me: I don't have anything positive to say to that. For me to feel like she's bothered by how thing fell apart she would have to have shown that at some point, but she hasn't. You guys didn't slow down a beat when she and I broke up. And as for our marriage things are better between us what's for her to worry about?

Airyn: She has always been bothered by her view of the marriage thing.

Me: we were married when she decided to move in. And she also told us that she wasn't not sure about you, and that she likes women. It's hard for me to believe much of what she says now. I haven't heard any concerns over us being married from either of you since September why the sudden worry now?

Airyn: we'll talk about it later.

So Airyn spend a large portion of the rest of our evening talking to Chipmunk either in the kitchen or via email, and sms. I'm thinking it's her new way of being unhappy when he's spending time with me on our day, that she's found some new threat to get Airyn to tell her that he loves her and wants her in his life. She can no longer threaten to move out as now she is moving out. I asked Airyn about that one. Why was she soo upset and crying about having to get her own place when she has been threatening to move out at least once a month since she moved in? He tells me that he asked her that too, and she admitted that she never intended to move out. I tell him i knew that that I was the one that dupped her moving out a threat. I also told him each time that she can't move out she has no where to go (other then back to her biological mom's), and no way to pay for an apartment.


Sunday I make Cinnamon rolls while Airyn meets Chipmunk for lunch, we spend the day with Wolf, Chipmunk comes home from work, and then leave 15 mins later to spend super bowl sunday with her parents. Her brother picked her up, and Airyn is picking her up from her mom's place at the end of the night. I stay up really late to enjoy a couple hours of privacy after Chipmunk leave for her mom's place. After Chipmunk heads out Airyn is cooking in the kitchen and I come back in while he's talking with Wolf. He's telling Wolf about Chipmunk moving out, and seeing how Wolf feels about it.
 
Monday, February 4th

It's a strange day. I get home really late from work. Airyn and Chipmunk are in Chipmunk's space sleeping on a one person cot. Airyn comes out when I get home telling me he was worried and asking what took so long. I tell him i had to see HR about changing my W4 for next years tax season like we talked about. That I thought he would remember, and that HR isn't there till 7, and I got home as soon as I could considering morning traffic through downtown. We kiss and i apologize for worrying him. Then he tells me he's sharing Chipmunk's cot, but is going to get up and join me in the bedroom at 10. He asks if that's ok. I tell him sure.

10am he moves into the bedroom, but I'm up at the computer. He crawls back into bed, and I laydown with him for a few moments. I tell him that I'm not going to fall a sleep and I'm getting up. He's ok with that, I close the blinds she he can have less light to sleep in, then give him kisses and go back to my computer.

He wakes up around noon we snuggle and talk at a whisper for a while. Then off to the kitchen for coffee. In the kitchen he's still whispering. i tell him he shouldn't have to whisper now, but he says you can hear every little thing in Chipmunk's space. Of course it's only curtained off. Then he says that the coffee bean grinder will be really loud. i tell him the new one is more quiet then our old one. Coffee in hand we head back to the bedroom, and Airyn wakes Chipmunk she has to be into work at 2pm, and she wants to get there early to pick up her benefits paper work from her HR people. They leave in the car to go to the coffee house across from Chipmunks work, and have lunch together. I walk and meet them 20 mins before Chipmunk has to be in to work. Airyn walks her across the street, and comes right back. We mess around on the tablets, and enjoy a couple cups of coffee before heading home again.

At home Airyn decides to tell me what was up between him and Chipmunk. Apparently she was ready to call their relationship off Saturday night. He tells me that hearing us talking and laughing like a happy family made her feel guilty like she was or has ruined our marriage. I point out that things are better between he and I then they were when she and I broke up. That things are better between he and I then the last time she was commenting on being bothered that he and I are married. Airyn agrees with me. He tells me that she was balling in the shower saying that she loves him and has ruined his marriage.

He's telling me that he told her he's tired of her swinging back an forth. That on the weekends she's unable to handle it, but Tuesday rolls around and everything is grand, then the weekend comes back up and she depressed, and sad and everything is over. That he needs some stability form her. I tell him that the 13th has come and gone and she never did commit to the two of them. That unless he gets her to actually say out load that she is willing to commit to making their relationship work that he won't have anything stable to hold on to. She's never had a serious relationship before and poly relationships aren't for most newbies (especially ones who are actually mono wired). She needs to get out, grow up, and experience life so she can have the skills to be in this type of relationship. Airyn agrees. We talk more. and he bring up them wanting to do a handfast ceremony. Something fancy and wedding like, but not an actual wedding. He's asking me again if I'm ok with that. I tell him I knew it would come up eventually, but I don't see them making that type of commitment any time soon. Airyn agrees that it wouldn't happen till next fall or next spring. i tell him that they have to survive 3 to 6 months of her having her own apartment first.

He's telling me that she was worried I get upset and cry about it. I grin and tell him i probably will cry at their handfasting. He say their a difference between one and another. I know, I know. I tell him that if it will make him happy I'm ok, but that they really need to get her moved out, and see how things go 3 month from now, and 6 months from now. Then we are talking about how Airyn doesn't anticipate spending a solid 3 day or 4 days at one home. He tells me he's not going to go three days with out seeing Wolf. I tell him I never expected that he would. Then he's telling me that he's going to prep our extra desk top pc for keeping at her place. Saying that Chipmunk wants to feel like he lives with her too, and that he'll be keeping some clothes at her place. They are talking about going clothes shopping together. I joke about her owning his Guinness shirt as she's worn in twice in the past week. That it got washed, and never made it into his shirt drawer. I tell him I'll have to get him a couple more when Irish fest comes around again.

Airyn talks about spending time between my our place and the apartment he and chipmunk are getting as being fluid. that when Chipmunk goes to bed early, he'll probably come over to our place and see me off to work. And after I call it a day if Chipmunk is home he'll go to her place. That once I'm sleeping he'll still be visiting her on her lunch break. Talking about how something still won't change. I tell him that it will probably take a while to figure out what works, and what doesn't. To see what he finds easy and comfortable for him since he'll be the one driving back and forth. Airyn tells me that he's hoping we'll be with in walking distance. That Chipmunk is going to stay within easy walking distance to her job. I point out that I'm looking for place between where we are and Wolf's school and that this is within walking distance to her job.

I tell him it felt more real after I heard him tell Wolf about the move. He said that Chipmunk was worried that Wolf wouldn't handle it well that she'd see it as a separation between he and I. He talks about how we haven't raised Wolf with those traditional views of life, love, sex or marriage. that Wolf is probably the most comfortable with this idea of all of us. For her she'll have two homes to goof around in soon.

Then he tells me that she's been concerned with how I would handle them talking about a handfasting. That she said something like, "Numina would be very upset if she knew what we were talking about". He says now he has to convince her that we talked about it and that it's just as ok now as when we first talked about it months ago. He's telling me he has a hard time convincing her what I am ok with. I tell him that if she never talks to me or asks me she'll never know, or be comfortable.

Over all it's solid conversation, nothing fun like talking about sexy stuff and kink, but still not angry or overly stressful. I comment that it was nice talking with him without all the anger and stress, and Airyn agrees. In our room I'm on my computer and Airyn is on his, we are doing our own thing, but have been flirting and teasing each other off and all through out the day. Thing between Airyn and I have gotten a lot better. When he's getting ready to leave to visit Chipmunk on her break I flash him and he doesn't resist nibbling on me before he heads out the door. He's not for sure when her break is and he's leaving a little earlier then he expects her to get her break because of traffic. I tell him that knowing me I'll probably still be up when he gets home. He tells me he'll wake me if I'm not. We grin and he heads out.

I actually fall asleep while he's out, and when he gets back he has to kick Wolf out of our room I'm in bed sleeping, and Wolf is talking loudly at Airyn who walks her out of the room berating her for not being considerate when I'm obviously trying to sleep. He comes back and we talk a little bit. I ask if everything is ok, and he say things seem to be ok. Then he snuggle up with me, and in no time we are sweaty and content. He tells me it's late and that I should sleep then he gets back on his computer.

Me: I like this.
Airyn: What?
Me: This. Us.
Airyn: *laughing slightly* Yeah me too. I didn't know what you were talking about this blanket, this game, this lighting haha.
Me: you are actually physically excited by me again I really like that.
Airyn: Grins I do too. Now get some sleep.

Then I drag him into bed for some more heavy kisses. Where he ends up making me squirm while he nibbles on my back.
 
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