I admit that I do agree with you. I had said similar things to her and she had said that he is harmless.
Maybe you can suggest you read them together for YOUR peace of mind and to help build trust between you two? Print them, read together, and then tape them somewhere? Encourage her to women's shelter classes and counseling. Some do classes at malls, libraries, and other community spaces to help people. People who are trained in dealing with this stuff.
"...once there is finality to the situation, especially given the amount of ongoing emotional and mental stress"
Keep in mind she is undergoing HER process too. One must physically leave before they can emotionally and mentally "leave" and begin to heal.
That is why the leaving time is dangerous. The abuser is getting more and more cranked up in the leaving time, and who knows
what they will do. Let it go quietly or escalate because their victim might escape? And the victim is not fully well or fully healed from past abuse yet so their judgement may be off and they may not be careful enough.
I told X NOT to be off alone with her dude at any time. She didn't listen to me. He was selling his "we can work it out we can do counseling" garbage to try to suck her back in. Part of her wanted to believe that, part of her wanted it to be over.
We had to compromise on "when you are with me or at my house you cannot tell him where you are and you cannot bring your Dude Phone. Only your private phone. What you do on your own time is your deal."
Because I didn't want him coming HERE to make a scene or start crazy around me or my kids. Or tracking her movements via phone. That was one of the first things I told her to do.
Get her OWN phone in HER name and not be using the cel phone that was under HIS plan for anything but talking to him about divorce because who knows what he put on her phone to track her and who knows if he'd cancel it to cut her off from aid.
And if she could not respect my boundary on that, then I could not help her try to sort out what to do and how to leave. She had to seek that help elsewhere and keep away from me because I didn't want him coming here and put my kids on the line.
I think right up until the end she was still hoping for "a good break up and be friends" but you aren't gonna get that with an abuser. And then when he showed up at her house wanting shoot everyone she called ME for what to do rather than call 911 because she was panicking.
She didn't listen to me. She had NOT printed her "what to do" lists to put on the fridge by the phone. She had NOT packed a "go bag." None of it.
So... for YOUR health and well being? If she's not gonna do the basics?
Then tell her you can wait to date when she's
actually out of it and done with him. Then step back.
You are not obligated here. You didn't pick this dude out. You don't have to deal with him or this mess
personally.
You can point her to help and then let her help herself out with the aid of professionals.
You could balance (compassion for her and her situation) with (compassion for yourself/your own safety/self care.)
Galagirl