Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

Oh. My. Gawd.

I just received the most bizarre message on OKC.

It's from a guy who lives in another part of the state, way too far for anything to start up, but he felt he had to write to let me know that he doesn't like my hair:

"Men like women who have a youthful appearance and to express a minority opinion, your hair doesn't communicate youthfulness nor a great deal of care. Neither thing can be objectively measured of course, its just an opinion. I read where you feel you get lots of positive feedback so perhaps this is a balance. I see a head of gray hair on a woman and I think of my granny."​

Niiiiiiiice. My hair isn't even totally grey, it's brown and grey mixed. And people constantly tell me I look way younger than I am, anyway.

Well, you know the old saying, "If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask." I like to modify that one to: "If I wanted your opinion, I'd beat it out of you."

This from a 55 year old guy (maybe at that age, he's dated some silver-haired women? Ya think??), who is rather unattractive, and who has three pictures up - one of his dog, one of Niagara Falls, and one lousy closeup of his face taken from his computer's webcam. And he's not model material by any means, being quite overweight (I mention this not to say I find overweight people unattractive, which isn't the case, but that I think his stance is odd considering that he is not the societal ideal anymore than my hair is).

Sheesh. Some people. I wrote back and told him: "Regarding my hair, well I am so glad I don't wear it the way I do for you. I don't give a shit who doesn't like it, since it makes me happy not to dye it anymore, after doing so since my 20s. I embrace my natural beauty and do not live my life to please other people, though plenty of men message me here just to say how much they love my hair."

What an asshole! I mean, I'm not saying that everyone has to like the color of my hair, but why write just to tell me you don't?? Move on if it's such a turn-off. I'm not going around writing to guys whose features I find unattractive, just so they know about it. Unbelievable!
 
Last edited:
Wow Cindie. I actually LIKE a woman with grey in her hair. ;) My wife has some peppering through, and our last gf had to dye her hair to keep it from being completely grey. I liked it! Don't dye it! And that guy is a douche nozzle!
 
It doesn't bother me that he doesn't like my hair (and I wouldn't change it for someone else, anyway - never did it for my husband, not gonna start now).

I just think it's bizarre that he had to contact me just to tell me he doesn't like something about me. WTF? Why go around offering opinions to people... it's such a strange thing to do. I'm not upset, but it's just fucked up.

Actually, my first thought was, "another gem for the online dating thread!" LOL
 
Oh, hey, TL, there was something else I wanted to suggest to you. In your profiles, you and LT both have something like, "If you don't know what poly means, go look it up." I gotta say, that comes off as a little unfriendly, impatient, or even a bit arrogant -- and I know you don't mean it that way. Sounds like you're saying "Go look it up, stupid!" Plus it's telling them to go do some work in order to understand what you're about, rather than you filling them in a little bit. Why not provide a link and/or a short explanation?

Here are how some other people have done it on OKC:

"I'm polyamorous (poly). For the uninitiated, polyamory means that I have multiple concurrent serious relationships, with everyone involved being fully informed. I have existing partners who are wonderful people but unfortunately live far away (and I'm not giving them up for anyone)."


"I am very happy with my life. I have a wonderful husband named _____ . I am polyamorous and find it amazingly fulfilling. Having a deeply committed, romantic and loving relationship with 2 men was not something I originally looked for but was surprised at how easily my heart adapted. If you are unfamiliar with Polyamory here is a good site for info: http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html (The relationships I have are sexually separate - my husband does not get involved. He wouldn't mind becoming friends though)."


"I believe in relationship anarchy. Monogamy isn't my thing. I am responsible, committed and trustworthy, but not jealous, neither willing to own anybody nor to be owned. Polyamory is my choice."


"I'm in an open marriage with ______. We love each other very much, but we're also very independent. The kids today are calling it polyamory (but, we're not looking for threesomes). See http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html for more information if you are not familiar with it. Polyamory is quite an adventure."


"My husband and I have an open marriage. We are very happy in our relationship and not looking for anything or anyone to "replace" anything in our lives. We are looking for friends and partners who will enrich our lives. I am looking for others who are also open and honest."


"I believe in polyamory (if you don't know what that is feel free to ask or if you're too shy to ask here's an excellent page about it www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html). I believe love, commitment and friendship are not restricted to just one person. I am looking to meet new friends and if something develops beyond that well then that's just a bonus. I am not interested in casual sex or flings. Friends first, without friendship and respect there can be no relationships."


"I am in a loving, polyamorous relationship with my husband, ____. We realize that monogamy is good for some people, but does not work for us. I'm not here to cheat or help someone cheat. Please don't waste my time with perverted messages - it's not my thing. Being Polyamorous isn't an open door for casual sex in my book. It is something I am open to discuss if you need further explanation."​

Just some ideas for you!!
 
Thanks Cindie! ;) Are you sure you don't wanna move to Florida? :p
 
Wow, Cindie, what a stupid troll! That is so freekin ignorant. I have had very few people be so rude to me, but there have been a few...

Your hair is awesome and that guy is a loser.

BTW, this morning I had your profile open to your pix since I saw you added a new one, and my gf looked over and said, Who's that pretty lady? I told her that's my friend Cindie! I am often talking about you to the gf so she was glad to see your face...
 
Thank you, darlin'!! The pic I have up now as my first one is Burnsy's favorite. The new one was taken today!

I think my profile is just too damn long, but every time I try to shorten it, I eventually wind up adding to it again. It always takes a lot of work for me to be succinct.
 
Try and make your profile have more things you like. And then surround those things in [[I like this]] brackets. Its makes matching work better and searching. If some woman is looking for someone in MMA it would place better in the search results.

Do that with everything that is important and you might find other people match better to you as well.

Can you explain this, Ari? I always ignore those highlighted terms in people's profiles.
 
Thank you, darlin'!! The pic I have up now as my first one is Burnsy's favorite. The new one was taken today!

I think my profile is just too damn long, but every time I try to shorten it, I eventually wind up adding to it again. It always takes a lot of work for me to be succinct.
See? Now THIS, is a problem for me. I don't like reading books. I would rather have the movie. LOL My ADHD just gets in the way. :p When a woman has too long of a read on her profile, I get distracted by other things. Oh look! A picture! LOL
 
Cindie, look at my profile again please. I have added to it to be a little nicer. ;)
 
Can you explain this, Ari? I always ignore those highlighted terms in people's profiles.

It used to help in searches as well as when doing quick matches. It would find people and list the similarities.

I am not sure if it helped the match percentage per se. But it can affect some of the other misc things.

Not to mention it helps when reading a profile. I tend to scan first. If I find some similar interests I can deep dive. If I don't find anything worthwhile, I leave the person's profile.
 
About the guy who criticized your hair:
I've had a couple messages from guys saying critical things about me, and I wondered if they were PUA(pick-up artists) trying to use the "neg" technique. That is, they are attempting to poke a woman's self confidence by saying something negative about her. The object of the game is to make her want to prove her attractiveness...hopefully to them.

No, it didn't work that way on me either.
 
. . . you can have pics up that show you in shadow, in silhouette, blurred or obscured in some way and then explain why you don't want them public -- then offer to send pics upon request. I've seen lots of profiles like that.

So, really..... no pictures, no response?? Hmmmmm......

JnR, I thought I'd share a profile with you of a woman who has pics that don't really show her face. I think she does this well, and what she says about it is very cool, too:

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/throwinsand
 
JnR, I thought I'd share a profile with you of a woman who has pics that don't really show her face. I think she does this well, and what she says about it is very cool, too:

Thank you Nycindie.... I temporarily shut down my profile so I can't see it. But its on my 'to-do' list for this week to start it back up again and make some changes and see what happens. I will definitely take a look at it :)
 
This guy PMed me once, then a few days later, IMed me on okc. His profile was rather brief, so we were chatting, getting to know each other. I gathered he was in his early 50s, and is a teacher, he said he was planning a 6 week cross country bicycle trip this summer. So, he asked me what my summer plans were. I said, just went to Philly, planning to go to a music fest in July, and go to the beach some otherwise.

Then he pounces, "and meeting me?" It seemed so abrupt. We'd only been chatting for like 10 minutes. So I said, "Well, I don't know yet, I usually like to know a bit more about someone before planning a date. Why do you want to meet me?" He said, "I think you're sexy." I said, "I should meet you because you think I'm sexy? I don't know, I haven't gotten a feel for you yet." So then he typed the dreaded phrase, "What do you want to know?"

I always hate that question. He messaged me, he should be asking me questions and offering information, not just expecting me to start digging around about him!

So, I said, "I hate that question, it's so open-ended." He then said, "Get concrete." Then I really didnt know what to say! So, finally I wracked my brain and asked, "When do you leave on your trip?" since we had been in the middle of talking about summer plans, until he interrupted that with asking me to meet him!

But he didnt respond right away, so I told him I needed to go to bed. Meh.
 
Last edited:
HA! Candy was being bothered by this guy on OKC. He kept sending her messages. Just short little ones, like "Hey, you look very nice" and "Hey, I liked your profile, maybe we should talk", etc. Anyway, he finally started IMing her. His IM's were always short and scattered. Never really about anything in specific. Candy just passed it off. Then he started asking her when she would like to meet up. She told him "Can't meet up with anyone right now. I'm seeing someone and hubby has a fight coming up, so I don't meet up with anyone in the last couple weeks before a fight.". His response: "OK". That was it...Nothing more that day. Two days later, he asks her if she likes sports, and tells her he has season tix to three of the local sports teams. She says she likes sports, but can't go anywhere till the 24. He says "Ok, maybe we can go out after that?" She says "maybe, but I have to tell you, I do a backgorund check on everyone I go out with. This is because the last guy I was seeing lied to me about his past and I found out. So now I do it on everyone." His response: "I would never lie to you. But I have to tell you I have a record." Then he went silent for a cpl days. Then, last night, he tells her his record is for domestic violence! Candy said "I'm sorry, I don't date people with that on their record." and blocked him. I'm sure he'll create another account to try to "explain" the situation to her. :rolleyes: Almost done with OKC. Had a bit more luck on Myyearbook.com though.
 
I just heard about seekingarrangements.com. It's a sugar daddy dating site, but I thought it might be an interesting option -- thoughts anyone?
 
LOL Ok...After 2 weeks on Myyearbook.com, I have figured out that online dating is completely male dominated.

My profile on MYB, was looked at 54 times withtin 2 weeks....While Cotton Candies was looked at....403 times! She gets contacted DAILY by 5 or 6 guys....While I have yet to be contacted. I had one response to the 4 e-mails I've sent out. It was "While you are nice, I'm not really into the type of relationship that you are looking for. Best of luck to you hun". :rolleyes: Whatever.

Done with being "active" in looking. I've found that MOST (please read that word everyone) women are not interested in a poly relationship.

At this point, I just don't care. Might start hanging out at the swingers club again. Probably not hooking up (never really did before) but just being there and hanging on the dance side. I might take up dance classes too since I can't fight anymore.
 
My profile on MYB had nothing about Candy on it.
 
Back
Top