Advice on Poly Relationship (Vee Triad)

Carrie14

New member
So I'm currently in a triad relationship, FMF. It's me, my fiance, and his girlfriend. Me and the girlfriend are not together, however we are close and I consider her one of my closest friends. I have been with my fiance for almost six years and we've been in this relationship for about 10 months. We all live together as well. My issue does not stand with the lifestyle however. Due to the fact, he is with both of us, his attention/affection tends to be split down the middle, and I am a very intimate, affectionate, PDA type of person and as time is going on, I feel as if I am not getting the amount of affection I want. I'm thinking of asking him if I could get another person, however I have no one in mind and I honestly don't see myself seeking out people. I feel as if he would say no, which I'm kind of okay with, as I would rather stay with him then lose him to a random guy. My question is, do you think I should reach out to him and explain that I am missing the affection that I need or should I straight out ask him if I can get another person in the relationship, to take care of the needs he cannot meet?


I would also like to state we are pretty new to this lifestyle and very young (all early 20's). I'd like to include this as perhaps maybe my maturity level isn't up to par with others involved in these types of relationship and maybe I need to do some personal growing to understand the concepts of this relationship. If you think that might be an issue, please state it as well. Thank you all!
 
Soooo, my opinion here is that if he's allowed to have more than 1 partner, then so are you. So While I think that it's worth having a discussion so that you can tell him that your needs aren't being met and you want more physical affection, and if he can't provide it then you plan to seek some elsewhere, I don't think you should require his permission.

And if he's not ok with you dating someone else even though he gets to have 2 partners, then he needs to do some serious work about why such a double standard is acceptable.
 
I'm sorry you struggle.

My question is, do you think I should reach out to him and explain that I am missing the affection that I need or should I straight out ask him if I can get another person in the relationship, to take care of the needs he cannot meet?

I think direct is best. If what you need is more of HIS attention, ask for that since that is what you want/need.

Because dating another person may not fix anything. You might get their attention, but if what you crave is HIS attention? You are still in the same boat.

If you don't get what you need here and he isn't going to change anything? You may have to reevaluate if you still want to keep participating here. Having more partners to "puzzle piece" up a whole partner isn't the solution.


I would also like to state we are pretty new to this lifestyle and very young (all early 20's). I'd like to include this as perhaps maybe my maturity level isn't up to par with others involved in these types of relationship and maybe I need to do some personal growing to understand the concepts of this relationship

To me? If you started dating in the teens and are now early 20s? I wonder if opening this relationship was a means to avoid breaking up? Usually first relationships tend to also be first break ups.

I also wonder why he can date other people, but you can't. It's one thing if you could and YOU choose not to exercise that option right now. It's another if you have to ask him to be "allowed." Why's he the boss? Why this double standard?

Galagirl
 
Hello Carrie14,

It seems logical to me to ask him if he could/would give you more affection, then if he says "I can't" or "I won't," tell him that you would like to date others outside your V. On the other hand, there is the question of, do you want to stay engaged (and cohabiting) with a man who doesn't give you the amount of affection you want/need? You might want to hold off on getting married at least until you know the answer to that question.

I don't see your age as an issue per se, although it makes sense to say that as you get older, you'll gain more experience and wisdom. That's true of everyone. But that doesn't change my advice to you in any way. You need what you need. It is okay to ask for it.

Hopefully the three of you can work things out.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Back
Top