Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

Just got to cuddle up and watch Tv with both my partners simultaneously for the first time.

*squee*

:D

Got this almost every evening and I love it :D

Yeah, for TV-sandwich-cuddle-time :cool:
 
Four years into my relationship with Mono, and we are doing better than ever. This last year has been rough for us and has meant little interest in writing on this forum anymore. We are concentrating on "us," but mostly ourselves as individuals.

If there is something I have learned most in this poly life of mine, it's that there are no guarantees and should be no surprises. Every little thing that one thinks is not going to happen can, and likely will, happen at some point. That might sound rather doom and gloomish, but really, letting go of needing to control what happens and letting go of believing that you are averse to the tough stuff is the best you can do, I think. There can be no surprises if you believe anything is possible. That can be a wonderful thing, as much as it can be a painful thing.

Right now, it's a wonderful thing. :)
 
It takes bravery to strive to rise above one's own distrust, jealousy, egotism and greed, and it's not easy, especially for such a socially-immature animal as the human. We are just learning to walk. Of course we're likely to stumble, but it's all so worth it for the sake of social progress.
 
It takes bravery to strive to rise above ones own distrust, jealousy, egotism and greed and it's not easy. Especially for such a socially immature animal as the human. We are just learning to walk - of course we're likely to stumble but it's all so worth it for the sake of social progress.
Love this. Stealing to make it a FB status update. ;) Quote by Utopian. :D
 
I am new to the forum, and I want to share my happiness with all of you - since there isn't too many other places to do that, as I "live in the closet" about my poly life.

I have been looking for a real poly relationship for years, and now I found it! I am married, and the marriage has always been non-monogamous with the intention of becoming truly poly. Just recently I have found another person who wants to share his life with me, and is ok about my marriage. Experiencing for the first time in my life the poly NRE accompanied with great RRE in my marriage... fantastic!

It is wonderful to love so intensely and to be loved.
 
Just wanted to share a happy experience from this weekend:

My wife Ginko and I were moving apartments and it helped so much to have our poly family there. My girlfriend, my wife's boyfriend, and several of our close poly friends stayed around for nearly 8 hours packing, moving, and cleaning. After everyone else had wandered off Ginko, her bf, and I simply rested and curled up on the couch/trundle bed. Having everyone there through the day left me feeling closer to them and more grounded in our relationships.
 
we love this




There is often a lot of struggle discussed in these forums. Struggle is natural and often necessary in achieving things that are worthwhile. I got caught up in some of the non-positive aspects of polyamory and allowed a lot of painful energy to enter my life. As a result I began feeling increased fear, doubt, and frustration in not understanding how my girlfriend Redpepper shares love and intimacy. (I am monogamous/ she is polyamorous). I want to share with the brave and interesting people on this forum but not at the detriment of the amazing love I have with Redpepper.

For this reason this thread is about sharing positive stories, success, happiness and good times in our and your poly lives.

..........................................................................................................

To re-assure, and hopefully reinforce, that this is in fact natural (although not my nature LOL!), wonderful and worth working towards for those who want it, I have decided to share a quick but wonderful achievement in our lives.

Last night, Redpepper, her husband, her Lover and me along with several other friends got together. We chatted and laughed at a pub before heading to the bar for some well needed but poorly musically funded dancing. At the pub I chuckled in watching Redpepper move around the table chatting with everyone, lovers and friends alike. This didn’t appear to be work or a balancing act. It looked like her doing what comes naturally to her, socializing and sharing with her friends.

At the bar we all danced together at times, in different small groups at times, and as couples at times. There was no jealousy or “greediness” for her attention. There was fun interacting amongst friends who care for each other.

We are very proud in what we have. That doesn’t make it easy, but makes it unbelievably fulfilling and completely worth every moment of anxiety, fear and insecurity. There is a shared love amongst us for one person and each other.

The key to our success, I believe, is that each person cares so much for the other person and thier well-being. Redpepper seemed more relaxed than I have ever seen her in this dynamic last night. There is no pulling to monopolize or even balance her attention amongst her Lovers. There is just enjoyment in her presence and appreciation for the happiness she gives all of us. Seeing her Lovers together as friends and enjoying time together gives her a radiance I can't describe!

We all have to work to make this possible…Redpepper more than any of us...but with genuine caring you stop noticing the “work” aspect and it just becomes our nature to look after each other.

Thank you Redpepper…you amaze and bless me with your love..despite the fact you scare me….I had to say it!:)
 
Coming out

A couple days I called my Mum and "came out", and explained what was up, and how I was seeing DK again. She was super understanding, and threw out the word "polyamourous" before I did. Like basically all my mono friends, I did get the usual "what if DK finds somebody else to be mono with? is MK okay with all of this?" but that's just something I've come to expect. It's an expression of concern for my well being.

:eek: Just kinda nice.
 
just discovered this thread

This happened a week and a half ago, and I posted on another online poly group I'm in, but I discovered this thread and wanted to post it here too, because it was such a great experience.

My husband Guy and I were at a rehearsal, and one of the people I perform with is a potential partner, Falcon. [As an aside the relationship with Falcon is still more potential than actual at the moment. But at the time this happened things had been going really well the week before, so when this happened I was really excited.] Guy was talking to Falcon about all kinds of stuff - movies, cars, medieval reenactment, woodworking, family history - and finding they had very similar views and experiences, and could carry on a great conversation that they both enjoyed.

I was able to stand between them, smiling at them, one and then the other, as they talked over my head (literally - they're both significantly taller than me) - one hand on Falcon's thigh, the other hand on Guy's waist or hip, one foot touching one of each of their boots. They each put hands on me too - my wrist, shoulder, butt, or back. It was wonderful - I'm so, so happy that they are friendly with each other, that they got along so well. (course that makes me want to make the potential relationship hurry up and be realized! but I have to learn to be patient) This is the very first time Guy has even sort of kind of considered the possibility of me having another male partner... and I am so, so proud of him for being as open and loving and strong as he has been. So I had to share it. :)

Back to present - here's hoping things continue to go well and get over this communication issue that Falcon and I are having. :)
 
Love and compersion and bliss

So I just needed to share my awesome wonderful weekend with everyone!

This weekend I had the opportunity to go to a concert with my husband, my boyfriend, AND his family!!! It is something BF and his family do, Dave Matthews Band, two night stint. We met in the afternoon of Sunday at a local restaurant, had some food, got caught up with everyone and just eased into the day. Bf's kids dont know anything about us, so we kept things platonic for the day, just being together but not romantic.

We found our parking area and tailgated for a couple hours, listening to music, snacking, and chatting with teen kids. Hubby and BF interacted beautifully, even joked around with each other and gave each other some typical male guff about setting up equipment and such. I was just feeling so incredibly happy to be with both of them together. I even gave some Reiki to BF's wife, who hurt her leg recently. It gave us the opportunity to chat and connect a bit, which I think she appreciated, and I know I did.

Then into the concert. Set up our folding chairs, staked out our spot (it is an open lawn seating venue). Another mutual friend of BF's and mine also showed up and hung out with us for the night. It was so much fun to see this long-time friend, to see BF as a Dad having fun with his teenagers (BF is much a teenager himself at heart), and enjoying the awesome music.

Late in the evening, the two teens were off doing their own thing. Temps were chilly, and we were all bundled up on our lawn chairs with blankets. I was holding hands with hubby on my right. I decided to take a chance and reach out to BF on my left as well and just touched his hand under his blanket. He held my hand back quietly, and for about 45 minutes I got to sit there, between my guys, holding both their hands and just basking in the love. I was in total heaven..... Hubby kept looking over at me and smiling because he knew what I was doing (we were just keeping it on the down low because of the kids) and the wonderful compersion on his face was sweet and amazing.

The next day BF told me how amazing it was for him as well. Hubby was happy it all worked out and he felt very comfortable with everything all day. BF's wife told him she had a good time and we should do things like that more often.

Best. Concert. Ever. :)
 
J and I have been together for almost 4 years, now, and we've always been mono. I started talking about polyamory about 2 years ago(but I actually vaguely suggested it before, I just didn't know there was a term for it) and he reacted very negatively. The subject came back a couple of times since then, and we did some intensive talking and thinking about it in the last month or so and he thinks he might be poly, too! We fought a lot, cried a lot, have been confused and ended up reconsidering everything in our relationship, but finally, we agreed!

I didn't think he was there yet, but he started reading a bit on the forum here and he brought up the subject of rules, and it turns out he doesn't want any rules, but respect, honesty and that we always make sure that the kids come first(we have 2 of them), which is what I wanted too, I just didn't think he was ready to talk about that. So... I'm pretty happy right now :p
 
success with cell phone charging!

This version of camping was as remote and disconnected as I could do. I would do it again, but I was running around looking for a way to charge my phone the entire time
I'm a newbie making my way through this _wonderful_ thread!

Replying to a really old message - from 2010, post # 728.
Maybe Ariakas has figured this out by now, but they now make wind-up flashlights that you can recharge just by winding them, and at this point they have cell phone adapters to go with them. So you can just use your _muscle_ power to charge your cell phone!

FAL
 
I'm probably the happiest in a poly relationship I've ever been. The first two I had other than my husband weren't the best.

But now I'm seeing a guy who is present when we are together. Wants a family style tribe including myself and Woodsmith. A direct metamour who not only wants to see my relationship with her husband foster but also gotten a strong friendship with a possibility of sisterhood if we both want that growth. And the other connections are just as welcoming.

And my relationship with my husband has just been getting better. For a chance even though he is stressed with school he hasn't been closing off like he normally did in the past.
 
Poly Dreams Do Come True

Just wanted to add my own little success story. I'm in a cute little hetero MFM poly-fi V -- just blogged about it if you're interested -- and couldn't be happier. We had some rough times in our early years together, but we gradually learned how to live with each other in peace and harmony.

Today we live together in a lovely new apartment unit. Each of the two guys has his own bedroom, and Lady Hinge alternates nights between us. I have a little "bed and bath" kingdom where I spend most of my time, with a generous-sized window looking out at the trees and sheltered skies of Washington (near Seattle). My favorite older brother lives nearby and we can see him often now, along with his wife, her daughter, and her daughter's boyfriend. We get along with them splendidly and love it here. Most of our relatives live in Utah and Michigan but that's okay; we're far removed from the family politics.

For me the gift of privacy is what opened the doors to contented communal living. Just knowing I have a "place to hide" if things get heated is exactly what keeps things from getting heated and makes me feel happy to share my time and company with my two companions. Sure I'm usually tucked away in my bedroom, but no longer does it make me nervous to "come out and play." For those moving in together, I strongly recommend making provisions for everyone's privacy.

We've been handfasted since mid-2009 and together as a V since early-2006. Our first few years together saw much paranoia on my part, afraid that Brother-Husband would veto me out of the family. I imagine that he in turn was concerned that I -- the "new and shiny" -- would nudge him out of the picture. We just had to find our comfort zone with each other, and establishing privacy, for me at least, was a necessary step in that process.

We're open to becoming an N or M or what have you, but aren't looking and like what we have already. We don't have sex outside our three-person circle, a rule that we don't mind obeying. Some people would need a lot more polyamorous freedom. We're rather conservative compared to the "average polyamorous demographic," but that's okay because it works well for us.

So for those wondering if a poly tale can have a happy ending: Yes it can. True, not all poly tales will end happily, but this one sure has (though of course it's not the "end" by any means).

Glad to answer any questions if anyone has any.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Thanks for sharing this lovely vignette, Kevin. :) Always heartening and smile-inducing to hear stories like this, especially ones that have gone on for years and years. Congrats!
 
Kevin, I want to thank you for sharing this, too. :) It is good to read about happy long-term poly.

My own MFM vee has its first year behind, and things look great for us, too. I travel between the two homes. We have a set schedule for that and the schedule has proven to be flexible when needed. My guys have slowly been building a connection as metamours, and we spent Christmas together the three of us. From my POV the Christmas celebration showed that the guys have pretty much resolved their respective insecurity / jealousy issues, and were able to relax in each other's company as well as show their affection to me with no negative consequences.

We also are planning to move in together in a duplex, a separate apartment for each guy. When this plan actualizes, remains to be seen. I consider this kind of a plan a vignette in itself. It is lovely to make plans for the future with your loved ones.
 
I love it when a good plan comes together. ;)
 
My two little, happy, poly families

I'm new here, but my poly life has been in process for a long, long time.

I have a co-parent (W) who has always been poly, but we were de facto monogamous for well over a decade, having babies, getting to know them, sorting out what we wanted our lives to look like. Poly was always on the table from W's perspective, even one-sided poly if I couldn't get my head around W having others. I never went there.

Eventually, I went there. But only when I was philosophically committed to embracing equal freedoms for both of us. W was supportive through my first wobbly (and brief) poly relationships. Everything was open and honest. We never needed or wanted secrecy.

Another supportive friend was M, whom I had known years before W. M was single and familiar to me, and we communicated well. I wasn't looking for casual sex with new partners, but now augmenting our long-term, long-distance emotionally intimate relationship with rare in-person visits seemed natural and comfortable. We assumed it wouldn't grow into anything else. M wasn't interested in trying to become part of a big, happy, poly family, and we two were realistic about the unknown limits of our compatibility.

Rare visits became occasional, then frequent. Communication happened. Feelings and needs were checked on. W and I continued to focus on the health of our family and the growth of the people in it. W encouraged me to accept M's importance to me. I began to think of M as truly being family, to me, at least. We talked a lot: W and I, M and I, and the kids (and W) and I.

At some point we noticed we were settling into this. We realized that there was nothing that prevented this dual-family structure being sustainable. Any changes it brought would be only as predictable and as manageable as in any other set of relationships. We began to talk about the distant future always including all of us. No matter what that might look like, we (both couples) intend to grow old together.

While scoping out our next major move and developing criteria for what our new town should provide us, W and I decided to move our family closer to where M lived. Not to force a combination of my families, but to facilitate my moving between them.

This is where we are now. M and I get to spend more time together than ever. From each home, my other loved ones are close enough that I can be with them on short notice. Having chosen our new home town very carefully on other criteria, W and the kids and I are in clover. We all feel cared for and listened to. We want what we have, and we're open to change.

Happy? Yup.
 
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