A valid reason for open marriage?

thinker

New member
Ok i m quite interested to open marriage but before you answer the title of the topic let me tell you my story....

I had known my wife for 8 years, dating for 3 and married for 4. When i first met her, she was quite a wild girl (by my standards) herself and had lots and lots of causal sex (thus she is more experienced than i do when it comes our sex life). But after she met and have dates with me, i think she has fall completely for me and changed herself from a wild party girl to well...... a different person to suit my personality (i m a quite person and unlike her a party person especially). Interesting thing is that we get together because we always had chats about virtually ANYTHING religion, politics, history, etc. I guess i m the only one who can satisfy her in some form of intelligence conversations.

Then zoom forward to 2 months ago when our second child was only one month old i started to think that she is a good mother and wife but she is a different women that i have known when i first met her. I have been thinking a-lot what she had done for our family, how she changed herself for the sake of me and how she had gone through 2 pregnancies (painfully) for having a child. I feel that yet she had done so much for me but i feel that i haven't done anything for her (not really nothing since i do 50% of the housework and 60% of the cooking *i love cooking).

I'm not a great believer on monogamy since i was previously dumped by my gfs before i met my now wife. I think that marriage is like a cage (a big one) covered in linen showing how wonderful inside this cage, but due to our human curiosity we may eventually want to leap out of the cage and see what the real world like beyond the cage and the linen that covers it.

To skip all the details and other stories that will take forever, i want to give my wife a freedom that she doesn't have for the past 7 years we were together. A freedom to be a single attractive sexy women by night and a caring loving mother and wife by day. A women who can date other man like she did to her old bfs before to be fulfilled physically if not emotionally. Not all husbands are perfect, not all wives are perfect we humans are not flawless creatures.

I want to let my wife out of the perfect cage (marriage) and venture the outside the world and see for herself and ultimately have the best of both worlds, where she can have the excitement to have dates with other people while she can come home and enjoy the safety of our family and kids. That is the reason why i want to suggest an open marriage..

I know a-lot of open marriage had started with all the wrong reasons. I will tell you that our relations are perfect, communications are excellent, sex life is amazing (both had high sex drives), our finances are really good (since both of us are working professionals) not really affected by the GFC (we live in Australia btw) and every year we had one domestic and one overseas (i m foreign born) trips. Looks like a perfect conditions for a open marriage is it?

Thus i m posting this that with our perfect conditions is it a valid reason for an open marriage? Because i don't want to start a open marriage with the wrong reasons

Thanks!

Thinker;)
 
I mean, it sounds like your reasoning is solid, but the thing that should make or break your decision is how your wife feels about it and if she thinks it is a type of relationship style she wants to have.
 
True

I mean, it sounds like your reasoning is solid, but the thing that should make or break your decision is how your wife feels about it and if she thinks it is a type of relationship style she wants to have.

Thanks for replying! And yes my reasoning is solid. And also yes i m planning to tell her the whole thing tonight. The thing is that i don't really want to force her to have this kind of style, i want her to decide by herself. Its like giving her a key out of the cage and she can choose whether to use it or not since i wouldn't mind any way. The basis of this reasoning is that i love her very much and want her to have the best of both worlds anyway. I know that most open marriages started for all the wrong reason because it was at the request from one of the spouse while the other doesn't want it. So i would put her free will as a deciding factor for this arrangement.:p
 
I guess it is just a matter of proposing it to her then. Make sure you come to the talk prepared to answer lots of questions:

- Is she allowed to have emotional intimacy with others as well as physical?
- What are the rules for safer sex?
- Are you going to want the same kind of freedom from her?
- And if she isn't willing to give it, do you still want her to have her freedom?
- What are your insecurities approaching this (i.e. what could make you jealous)?
- What are your needs, wants, and limits?

The reason why one identifies as polyamorous need only be that they feel they can love more than one person. The reasons to actually open usually require a strong core relationship and consent and agreement from both partners that they can both be comfortable with that. It sounds like you have a great thing going with your wife, and I'm very interested to see how it turns out. :)
 
I guess it is just a matter of proposing it to her then. Make sure you come to the talk prepared to answer lots of questions:

- Is she allowed to have emotional intimacy with others as well as physical?
- What are the rules for safer sex?
- Are you going to want the same kind of freedom from her?
- And if she isn't willing to give it, do you still want her to have her freedom?
- What are your insecurities approaching this (i.e. what could make you jealous)?
- What are your needs, wants, and limits?

The reason why one identifies as polyamorous need only be that they feel they can love more than one person. The reasons to actually open usually require a strong core relationship and consent and agreement from both partners that they can both be comfortable with that. It sounds like you have a great thing going with your wife, and I'm very interested to see how it turns out. :)

Well thanks for giving me some good assumptions if i ever want to ask but the truth is that i don't know whether she wants this kind of freedom in the first place

"Is she allowed to have emotional intimacy with others as well as physical?"

yes sometimes a person can love more than a person and monogamy really restrict this kind of intimacy and makes people psychologically unhealthy. No one is perfect and no marriage is 100% anyone who says that is a potential cheat.

(i heard that people who had affairs tend to be more healthy psychologically than people who still stick with monogamy *quite a sad thing but it proves that loving more than one person really gives your life a good kick in a long run)

the only problem i have is to deal with envy and jealousy which is there any books about how to deal with those factors?

"What are the rules for safer sex?"

What do you mean by what rules? I mean safe sex is essential and compulsory, condoms and conception pills are absolutely. And i will prepare for us to have constant STD test as part of the arrangement anyway so no worries.

"Are you going to want the same kind of freedom from her?"

Interestingly i want to have the same kind of freedom but the point is that i want to have an open marriage is because i want her to have the freedom not me. So as an arrangement if she agrees to have an open marriage, when she starts dating from day 1 i will not date with anyone for a whole year to prove her that my reasoning for an open marriage is not for my enjoyment but is for hers. Also i can focus all my energies on my jealously and envious problems (Buddhist text are really good showing the art of forgiveness and how to handle with a-lot of aspects of live includes jealousy)

Another reason for not dating other girls while she is dating is that by the whole year was up (by which i m more enlighten and less jealous by then). When i start to date other girls, i would use my experience during that year of coping with jealousy and other insecurities to make my wife more secured (since by that time i will be having lots of self-help books and internet advice listed in my notepad).

"And if she isn't willing to give it, do you still want her to have her freedom?"

Never think of that but she is a very understanding person since she had changed herself for the sake of me and over the years we both do things together sports, video or board games, cooking, cleaning (everything!). I guess she would have asked me that i should have a girlfriend or even a boyfriend (ooops didn't tell you i m Bi-sexual btw) if she agrees with open marriage (and she is a believer of having equal playing field)

"What are your insecurities approaching this (i.e. what could make you jealous)?"

There are fears of that she will leave me and the kids with her lover if they got too close and her lover disrespect our primary relationship (thats why lovers should be at least 25 yro or more since the younger they are the more immature and disrespectful they are). Also even though i would allow her to stayed overnight at her lover's house once per week i can feel that i feel alone on my own bed (after all we slept together for like 5 years. Also i m afraid he is a better lover than i do (which can be a double-edge sword since she can be more fulfilled but she can just falls completely for him). STD and health issues of course. Keep wondering what she is doing with her lover, how awesome sex is between her and her lover. Would the lover try to hijack my marriage. It seems the insecurities are endless........ but making details of your insecurities can give you your aims in how to deal with it in the first place.

"What are your needs, wants, and limits?"

My needs and wants for now is to make my wife live in a happier life without the constrains of monogamous marriage but can enjoy both worlds as i keep saying it. (later i might want to have a gf but AFTER i deal with my JEALOUSY ISSUES of course). Limits are that either of our lovers will not enter our property, interact with our family or friends since i want our kids to live in a seemingly monogamous family structure and i don't want my friends and family know that we had that kind of decision. (I may allow to tell about our arrangement with our closest friends so that we can have a small tightly knitted support network if either of us feel insecure. Yeah thats how i answer this.

It sounds like you have a great thing going with your wife, and I'm very interested to see how it turns out. :)

I don't consider as a great thing for my wife i considered as a gesture of thanks for loving me and giving the family two wonderful kids. It is HER who have done great things for me:D

so Musical Rose do you engaged in a open marriage relationship?
 
Uh...just to check. You are saying you have NO interest at the moment in dating or having other relationships, you just want your wife to be...free and appreciated and get to date ...but she hasn't shown any interest in any of that before now, you're just being proactive?

It's after you said you were going to broach this but...I imagine if I had a partner who came at me with that, I'd be...omfg you want to fuck somebody else dont you? Otherwise I'd find it really weird to come at me with that attitude. A "hey I have read a lot about non-monogamy and would like to talk to you about it" sure! Well I'd be open to that.

edit: I don't have kids which is why I didn't latch onto this originally, but I am pretty sure I've never heard a brand new mother say "I'm feeling at the top of my game, I want to find new partners and get out there in the dating world" Rereading this...the whole "out of her cage" thing...my ex and I discussed clearly how we were young and not ready to settle down but alas, here we were in love and that's what you do, right? If we hadn't discussed that ahead of time, bringing it up two months after a baby was born...NO. If she hasn't broached the subject, or given you the impression it is something she wants...it sounds like you want to broach it for YOU. If that is the case, doing it while she is a new mom is a mean idea.
 
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Uh...just to check. You are saying you have NO interest at the moment in dating or having other relationships, you just want your wife to be...free and appreciated and get to date ...but she hasn't shown any interest in any of that before now, you're just being proactive?

It's after you said you were going to broach this but...I imagine if I had a partner who came at me with that, I'd be...omfg you want to fuck somebody else dont you? Otherwise I'd find it really weird to come at me with that attitude. A "hey I have read a lot about non-monogamy and would like to talk to you about it" sure! Well I'd be open to that.

yeah my reasoning is pretty weird eh? yeah i had NO interest in having other relationships if my wife starts first (you should read the previous post) since i want to focus on controlling my jealousy. Also if i had interest in having relationships before i start to ask about open marriage then that makes me selfish then and the whole thing starts with the wrong reasons then!:D

yeah it sounds proactive but its her choice whether she want it or not. yeah its like what you say "hey I have read a lot about non-monogamy and would like to talk to you about it" but with extra bits :rolleyes:

btw i haven't talked to her yet, not sure whether she shown any interest or not in my proposition. But i guess when i start to ask her with the word open marriage she might be crying that i m having an affair and begs me to stay before i explain the whole thing in detail but lets just see......:p
 
edit: I don't have kids which is why I didn't latch onto this originally, but I am pretty sure I've never heard a brand new mother say "I'm feeling at the top of my game, I want to find new partners and get out there in the dating world" Rereading this...the whole "out of her cage" thing...my ex and I discussed clearly how we were young and not ready to settle down but alas, here we were in love and that's what you do, right? If we hadn't discussed that ahead of time, bringing it up two months after a baby was born...NO. If she hasn't broached the subject, or given you the impression it is something she wants...it sounds like you want to broach it for YOU. If that is the case, doing it while she is a new mom is a mean idea.

thanks for enlighten me for this one yeah i must admit that it sounds like i m broaching the idea thanks for telling me right now because i think you are right about me, i might be a-bit aggressive about thinking of this idea too early. And yes she hasn't broached the idea for a while and also yes i had assumed what she wanted on the basis of her life as a single and YES YES YES i should picked a better time to discuss this later instead dammit i really need to ask myself what i really want....... and i m not purposely to be mean and doing it for my own selfishness maybe i just want to push my agenda too quick......... (about the cage thing its similar to what you say on how we are not ready to settle theory but trying to be graphical)

p.s atleast i know there are some support groups and well minded who are giving me advice....... thanks for your view for this issue Anneintherian really need to reevaluate myself
 
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What if she says "no thanks"? Will you still expect her to be happy for you to start dating this time next year?
 
What if she says "no thanks"? Will you still expect her to be happy for you to start dating this time next year?

if she say no thanks then i will stay monogamous and just scrap the whole idea, as i strongly stressed that i do it for my wife (on the basis of my assumption of what my wife wants and misses) if she say no then no we will just simply forget it and get on with our lives:D
 
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I'd back it up one step. You don't even know that she wants this -- you are just curious to know if she does or does not.

It sounds like a grand noble gesture to be all "I love you so much honey! Let's fling the door to this monogamy cage so you can be Open!" But that's just a grand gesture on your part to make YOU feel good right now.

On her end? How do you know she won't be offended at the proposal? Go easy. Nobody ever died from going slow. If she's changed her life so much? She could go the opposite way. "OMG! How dare you? I change all these things in my life to build THIS monogamous relationship that I value a lot together with you and for us. And you devalue my changes and what I have done by suggesting our marriage is a CAGE? And that I go fuck around? What the hell?"

So ask her if she still wants it first and see how she feels. If not, drop it.

If so, would she be willing to just TALK about an open marriage -- Open in Heart and Mind to YOU. If so, learn together.

And you can always worry about Open in Heart, Mind, Body, And Soul -- WIDE OPEN later or decide not to go there after all. Approach this TOGETHER and on the same page.

You say a lot of your stuff is "perfect." Cool. Does she feel same? Or not? Why?

How about all this:

  • Our youngest is a 3 month old baby and both her pregnancies were hard. Is this the best TIME to plan an Opening? Best time to even ask her about discussing an Opening?
  • What about conflict resolution? Is that good between you?
  • What about general knowledge? Is that at the same place?
  • Are we talking swinging or polyamory? What if you want one and she wants another type of responsible nonmonogamy?
  • What kind of open relationship models are you two seeking?
  • What is your agreement for how to be together in right relationship while dating? What's the saturation point?
  • Have you both filled out all the things at http://openingup.net/resources/free-downloads-from-opening-up/ and talked that out?

Do not answer all that to me -- talk to HER. There's still a lot more to discuss with her if she's willing to talk with you and plan an Opening together with you.

Stuff to explore together:

http://www.morethantwo.com
http://www.serolynne.com/polyamory.htm
http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/downloadabledocuments.html


HTH!
GalaGirl
 
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you are right

So ask her if she still wants it first and see how she feels. If not, drop it.

GalaGirl

i think i should drop it for a while (i haven't told my wife after i read Anneintherain comments a few hours back) since then i started to know that my timing and my proactive behavior on this approach might actually make my wife insulted or worse (why i didn't think of that). Must be my "do it quick and now" personality had gone off the charts again, i guess i just made a fool of myself for rushing the whole idea just like i was working (pretty stupid in my part). And yeah starting to think back, why the feck i started to ask for an open marriage (Polyamory) when my kid is 2-3 months old (damn why am i so sick). I didn't mean to insult my wife or anything but thanks for your warning. Anneintherain is right i m a horrible, manipulating and proactive person. Now i really know what my flaws are.........

p.s still shocked by what i have said and planned from the basis of my assumptions to being rushy, this really makes me shameful for myself for what i m after those 12 hours posting these threads

p.p.s thanks for the info that you had provided for me i will look at it closely for pure interest only not researching for it (may be a better time)
 
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You seem to jump between extremes in your thinking - you've gone from being really keen to do this right now to saying you're a horrible person for even thinking about it in just a few hours!

You're not a horrible person for being interested in this stuff, or for thinking it might be a good thing for your relationship at some point. All people have said is that you should think carefully about when you bring it up, when you open up (if you decide to), and why you are doing it. That's sensible advice for any relationship-changing step! You've decided not to pursue it now, which shows that you have consideration for your partner.

Don't beat yourself up about this when all you did was consider the possibility!

Being proactive is not a bad thing - it gets stuff done. You just need to make sure you don't get ahead of yourself and end up tripping over your own feet in your hurry :)
 
Op... I am in an Open marriage.

My husband, of 11 years, who is monogamous is the one like you who opened things up. Before him I flitted from boyfriend to boyfriend. He approached me with the same original argument as yours. He wanted me to be happy.

BUT he had his own rewards in mind when he did so and it wasn't simply me being happy. He wanted something out of it too that I couldn't give him when it was just the two of us. He wanted BDSM from me and I am not wired that way. But if I am extremely happy I am apt to get more adventurous with hubby and his wants. He also is a bit of a cuckold.

Long story short I have met a man who I have fallen deeply in love with. Never went looking for the level of intimacy I have with M. Both emotional and physically. My relationships are separate but equal. I spend 50/50 with each man.

It is hard for my husband. He worries that I will leave him for M. Not happening. My husband is a once in a lifetime love. I love each man deeply. They are so different but yet the same.

Originally my boyfriend was to be kept separate from my family. Things have changed. My kids will be meeting the boyfriend soon. They will be joining me on some of my weekends with M at least during the day. His family is excited to be gaining three new kids. My parents and MIL live in Illinois and Iowa. My poor kids have no local family. They will finally get what other kids have, and my boyfriends mom is getting instant grand kids and is excited. My boyfriend never wants to get married and while he likes kids he doesn't want any of his own. Never felt the urge. But he wants forever but he is like me and needs his space now and again. I go home several nights a week.

For example this past weekend was M's weekend off. I spend those weekends with him. Usually from Sat afternoon through Monday when I go into work. I also saw him for a bit yesterday morning and I will going to spend the night tonight. This weekend he works and my husband is off. This weekend will be a family weekend. I wont see M until either an evening next week or the following weekend.

My husband is one hell of a man. I know he gets jealous. I have given him permission to find someone else. But it isn't always so easy. He does give up a lot for my happiness which I appreciate and cherish.
 
You seem to jump between extremes in your thinking - you've gone from being really keen to do this right now to saying you're a horrible person for even thinking about it in just a few hours!

You're not a horrible person for being interested in this stuff, or for thinking it might be a good thing for your relationship at some point. All people have said is that you should think carefully about when you bring it up, when you open up (if you decide to), and why you are doing it. That's sensible advice for any relationship-changing step! You've decided not to pursue it now, which shows that you have consideration for your partner.

Don't beat yourself up about this when all you did was consider the possibility!

Being proactive is not a bad thing - it gets stuff done. You just need to make sure you don't get ahead of yourself and end up tripping over your own feet in your hurry :)

i know i was exaggerating a-bit but it just magnify my problems and i had to admit my mistakes like asking my wife to have an open marriage when she just give birth to our second child that is just pretty pathetic. i guess i rushed a-bit on this issue by being proactive (may be because i had busy work schedules) ahhh well i will put this on-hold for a while not sure how long but i will tell her eventually......

thanks for trying to make me feel better but i guess bashing myself is one of the ways for admitting my flaws (weird way but it works!) ahhh well thanks anyway Papillon


Op... I am in an Open marriage.

My husband, of 11 years, who is monogamous is the one like you who opened things up. Before him I flitted from boyfriend to boyfriend. He approached me with the same original argument as yours. He wanted me to be happy.

BUT he had his own rewards in mind when he did so and it wasn't simply me being happy. He wanted something out of it too that I couldn't give him when it was just the two of us. He wanted BDSM from me and I am not wired that way. But if I am extremely happy I am apt to get more adventurous with hubby and his wants. He also is a bit of a cuckold.

Long story short I have met a man who I have fallen deeply in love with. Never went looking for the level of intimacy I have with M. Both emotional and physically. My relationships are separate but equal. I spend 50/50 with each man.

It is hard for my husband. He worries that I will leave him for M. Not happening. My husband is a once in a lifetime love. I love each man deeply. They are so different but yet the same.

Originally my boyfriend was to be kept separate from my family. Things have changed. My kids will be meeting the boyfriend soon. They will be joining me on some of my weekends with M at least during the day. His family is excited to be gaining three new kids. My parents and MIL live in Illinois and Iowa. My poor kids have no local family. They will finally get what other kids have, and my boyfriends mom is getting instant grand kids and is excited. My boyfriend never wants to get married and while he likes kids he doesn't want any of his own. Never felt the urge. But he wants forever but he is like me and needs his space now and again. I go home several nights a week.

For example this past weekend was M's weekend off. I spend those weekends with him. Usually from Sat afternoon through Monday when I go into work. I also saw him for a bit yesterday morning and I will going to spend the night tonight. This weekend he works and my husband is off. This weekend will be a family weekend. I wont see M until either an evening next week or the following weekend.

My husband is one hell of a man. I know he gets jealous. I have given him permission to find someone else. But it isn't always so easy. He does give up a lot for my happiness which I appreciate and cherish.

You are a one lucky wife Dagferi with a loving husband who had done a-lot for you. I know how he feels if his wife love her lover as much as himself, he must be pretty stressed up now. But i guess it might be because of the playing field between you and your H are imbalance or he is just being cuckold. Why wasn't so easy to make your H to find someone else? If my wife agrees with this i might be in a similar situation like him but not for long, before i go to Ashley Madison to have a network of friends-with-benefits and ultimately dating (if i m lucky since i m not good at knowing girls). Because i might be quite jealous on something like why my wife is enjoying her self while i don't have as much? I believe that both partners when engaging in an arrangement like this both of them should be enjoying themselves instead of one sided which has failed the purpose of open marriage in the first place.

btw got a few questions

-how long have you been engaging in an open marriage?

-how did your H proposed open marriage to you? (timing, situation and etc)

-is your M your first bf? or your ?th bf since open marriage

-how did you arrange your time between your H and your M since it requires massive amounts of time management

-how will you plan your time if one of them (H or M) wants to go to overseas with you (since i m foreign born it IS compulsory to go to overseas and also other places at the same time with my wife which can be like 100/0 for the next 1.5 months)

-financial arrangements?

-distance between your house and M's house?

-how bout the kids and family will they get used to it? (since my family especially my relatives comes from traditional background of monogamy i m -afraid they will disown me if they ever know it:()

-did you try to separate them between primary and secondary partner? ( it will be my early arrangement where me and my wife's relationship is above all else -even if we had emotions to our respective lovers.

-what are your rules of open marriage?

(i know i asked lots of questions and its not few but thanks for telling your experiences from my situation and my perspective:rolleyes:)

eager for a response............:D
 
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Don't come to her with a grand plan all laid out, that will make her feel like she doesn't have the opportunity to develop this idea with you, as a partner. Maybe she would *want* you to start dating right away, for instance, maybe she will have completely different thoughts. Just bring up the subject, say you've been doing some reading about non-monogamy and you realized that you actually like the idea of her maybe dating other people down the line, and maybe you doing so too at some point, and want to know what she thinks. Then let the conversation go organically from there.

Good resources on jealousy at www.morethantwo.com

In terms of safer sex, you *do* have to define what that means. Condoms for PIV and/or anal sex is a given, but what about condoms and/or dental dams for oral sex? Gloves for fingering? Where would you want to draw the line? And as for emotional intimacy, it's more than just a question of is it ok for her to fall in love with someone else, what if she, or you, want to turn a dating situation into a co-primary partnership... another person to share your lives with? What level of commitment is potentially ok? Again, something you and she need to talk about together, and your ideas may change over time, but it's worth at least being aware of the question now.
 
Don't come to her with a grand plan all laid out,

i just want to know a-bit and try to have a discussion with her first.... Thanks for Dagferi i might actually got some valuable experience from her.

don't worry... also as i mentioned from my previous post i won't be having this discussion yet (timing is not right):p
 
I would like to extend my appreciation for Thinker's sensitivity toward this matter. Recently, there has been a fair number of topics started by people with newborn babies. It's been either the woman whose partner wants to open the relationship and/or pursue other relationships, or the other partner who wants the mother of their child to accept non-monogamy in some way. These cases tend to feature selfish stubbornness in the non-mother partner, and a great deal of distress and anguish in the partner who is the mother.

It is refreshing to see someone who wants to do this for the other person, who is willing to listen to other people's advice without getting defensive, and is willing to let it go if the other person is not into it.
 
You got the feedback, you are reviewing your position. You have come to find that maybe you could adjust a bit. You are allowed to change your mind after seeking information, input, etc.

You have come to new self awareness -- that you have a habit of rushing into things. And there's the sense of TIMING and TONE in communication to consider. Not just the message but HOW the message is delivered.

That's good to learn. Nothing horrible there. :)

I'm a bit concerned by the HIGH and LOW thing -- the "volume" is up and down a lot. I'm not sure if it is your writing style or what? But if this is you in general way of going and not just the writing style? Try to see if you can be more even keel in your dealings and how you handle your feelings.

Relationships test that a lot -- ability to stay even keel. Ditto communication skills -- putting the message out well and receiving feedback from others well. It doesn't even matter if monoamorous or polyamorous!

Don't hide your inner life/thoughts from wife. You can share with her.

Tell her she is wonderful! Tell her you love the kids!

Ask her -- "Hey? Remember back in the day? What did you love? What could you do over if you could? Did you ever envision this? What we have today? What do you love? What could be better? Would you ever want changes in future? What do you dream for us together? What do you hope? "

That's just asking her about how she feels. You can share how YOU feel. And then leave it there for continued conversation and shared emotional intimacies. Marriage is always continued conversation. There is not any special rush to END conversation with your spouse!

Watch for that up and down thing. It's not all Closed or wide OPEN extremes. There's degrees if you want to take it in degrees. It could be a glass door that is CLOSED, but you guys are just looking through there at this new world and what it may hold. Read and learn and talk. Still CLOSED in relationship. OPEN to reading and learning together.

Just do not rush this, and if this is a habit of yours, be aware. Vomiting all over each other on some herky jerky type emotional journey is not a fun trip. Enjoy each other on the journey -- not make each other nuts.

You and she are free to write your own relationship story together and have it be how you BOTH wish, at the speed you BOTH wish to go at to the destination your BOTH wish to go to. If this is your next port of call on your Shared Life Adventure, plan the trip together well is all. :)

GL!
Galagirl
 
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A Small Thought

This is an aside to the more on-point responses, Thinker.

I was struck by your wording that she changed herself for you. Consider the possiblity that she changed herself for her. Or perhaps the person you see was always there but not obvious until your relationship. You seem to be feeling some sort of guilt over her changes and it may simply be untrue and unnecessary.
 
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