sage
New member
I recently put up a survey on the yahoo mono/poly and poly/mono boards. The results were very interesting.It's still going on so I haven't collated it yet but there is a very disturbing trend.
Monos in poly relationships are generally not very happy, no matter how hard they work at it, not in the first 10 years anyway. Likewise for polys not able to be themselves. The happiest monos in mono/poly relationships are those where their partner is not active or only active in a very limited way. The happiest polys in poly/mono relationships are those with active polyamorous relationships.
Why am I surprised? Because on those boards we are all very supportive, but when you tease out what is really going on, we are able to be supportive to others when it isn't happening in a big way for us.
I don't want my relationship to struggle long term. Z is less able to work on himself than I am and is already deeply in love with his OSO. Therefore should I explore poly for the sake of our relationship? I know I can love more than one person because I have before. Because I haven't personally needed it in this relationship I have always dismissed it as being too time-consuming and emotionally challenging. But am I copping out? Maybe the healthiest thing for our relationship is for me to give it a go?
There is a guy I am attracted to and my reluctance comes down to knowing all the potential dramas that come up. But maybe it is about pushing through those fears to make what I have with Z more comfortable for me and freer for him?
Your thoughts would be appreciated.
Monos in poly relationships are generally not very happy, no matter how hard they work at it, not in the first 10 years anyway. Likewise for polys not able to be themselves. The happiest monos in mono/poly relationships are those where their partner is not active or only active in a very limited way. The happiest polys in poly/mono relationships are those with active polyamorous relationships.
Why am I surprised? Because on those boards we are all very supportive, but when you tease out what is really going on, we are able to be supportive to others when it isn't happening in a big way for us.
I don't want my relationship to struggle long term. Z is less able to work on himself than I am and is already deeply in love with his OSO. Therefore should I explore poly for the sake of our relationship? I know I can love more than one person because I have before. Because I haven't personally needed it in this relationship I have always dismissed it as being too time-consuming and emotionally challenging. But am I copping out? Maybe the healthiest thing for our relationship is for me to give it a go?
There is a guy I am attracted to and my reluctance comes down to knowing all the potential dramas that come up. But maybe it is about pushing through those fears to make what I have with Z more comfortable for me and freer for him?
Your thoughts would be appreciated.
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