Talking it out

This couple seems less and less likely to go anywhere. As we start talking about meeting in person for the first time, we're also discussing ideals on how often we would see each other if we do start dating regularly. We've talked about how we need time for the three of us, as well as one-on-one time for me with each of them. For some reason, they think it's okay to plan for the three of us to spend an evening together with little "side dates" for one-on-one time then resuming the group date.

Warning! Control Freaks!

Seriously, why are they planning how dating will go when the three of you haven't even met yet? You guys don't know yet if there will be any sparks or attraction or camaraderie - and that can only be determined by how you feel when together in person. Sounds like a couple who has a picture of what they want and they are already trying to fit you into it, forgetting already that you're an individual with your own wants and preferences. Gah!

Plus, there's this:
I don't think they're happy that I do whatever I do with Boy. Being married is fine, but they seem almost jealous of the fact that I already spend one night a week with someone else, too.
BIG RED FLAG. And creepy, especially since you haven't even met you yet. Are you not your own person living your life as you see fit?

I'd steer clear of that shit and cancel meeting them if I were you. Who needs to waste time on control freaks like that? Though you may be excited about getting together with a couple, I'd say you have better options than this couple. Sorry to be so blunt!
 
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Warning! Control Freaks!

Seriously, why are they planning how dating will go when the three of you haven't even met yet? You guys don't know yet if there will be any sparks or attraction or camaraderie - and that can only be determined by how you feel when together in person. Sounds like a couple who has a picture of what they want and they are already trying to fit you into it, forgetting already that you're an individual with your own wants and preferences. Gah!

Plus, there's this:

BIG RED FLAG. And creepy, especially since you haven't even met you yet. Are you not your own person living your life as you see fit?

I'd steer clear of that shit and cancel meeting them if I were you. Who needs to waste time on control freaks like that? Though you may be excited about getting together with a couple, I'd say you have better options than this couple. Sorry to be so blunt!

Ha. No worries. I'm not meeting them. We never even got to officially plan a time before I told them it wasn't going to work. They were very interesting at first, and he was a lot of fun to talk to, buuuut. They're nuts.

1 - the weirdness about Boy was odd. I mean, I think a lot of people are a little confused by it since I we're not really "in a relationship" or anything, but they were particularly focused on it for a brief bit.

2 - they have weird expectations of how dates/time together will go.

3 - they have too many kids, therefore have a hard time finding kid-free times to date. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, but I need a chance to get to know the people I'm potentially dating before I meet their kids or do any home-based dates while kids are home (even if they're in bed).

4 - the more I talk to her, the more it feels like she just goes along with some things to make him happy. Not about huge things, but she compromises her true feelings/beliefs/wishes too much to make me comfortable trying to start ANYTHING with them as a unit.
 
Hubby has been absolutely amazing around the house lately. Taking care of all the little things he usually ignores except on weekends. I really appreciate it and need to find a way to show him how awesome I think it is - besides the repeated verbal thanks.

Boy, Hubby, and I are all going to a kink event this weekend. Since none of us are super kinky, I think it'll be interesting. We may be meeting a swinger couple there, too, which has Boy excited. He's been talking more and more lately about wanting to see me with other people, particularly seeing me with a woman (shocker, right? ;) ). I always have fun when the three of us hang out, though, so even if the other couple doesn't show or turns out to be a bust, I'm excited! :p
 
I disabled my OKC and FetLife profiles for a while. I've been getting so many messages from people just looking for sex or other things that I have clearly stated I'm not looking for. I think it's time to focus on friends again and enjoy the awesome people I already have in my life.
 
Aaaand, Boy bailed on the weekend plans. Oh, well. Hubby and I will still have fun (Hubby may even have MORE fun), and the couple is supposedly still coming (although I have my doubts about them showing, too).

It's been a good week. A balance of social and down time. A few extra hours at work which means extra money. Totally fell asleep on the couch cuddling with Boy the other day. I got out of the shower and he was lying stretched out on the couch and scooted a bit so I could lie down, too. He held me super tight while we watched tv, and I was out in a few minutes. It was lovely.

Hubby's going to sleep with me tonight, which means we'll have three nights in a row of sleeping next to each other. :) I love weekends. As much as I think having nights apart is good for us, I miss him! Which is one of the reasons I think it's good. We don't take each others' presence for granted as much as we used to. Hopefully it'll make the transition easier if one or both of us decides to start having more overnights with others, too.

Bed time for me... Hopefully I can fall asleep before he gets home so I don't get sucked into talking and stuff too late. :)
 
The weekend was good, but I ended up working so less fun than expected. Hubby was awesome and adapted according to my energy levels, but I know he was a little disappointed. Ah, well. I'll make next weekend better. :)

I'm getting kind of tired (again) of mixed signals from Boy. One minute he's all sweet and communicative about things and then next he just shuts down. I made a joke about showing up at his house sometime this week when I have some free time when he asked when he could see me. He got all weird AFTER I'd already said I was kidding. He knows I would never show up at someone's house without plans. I'm kind of weird about things like that. I don't like going to strangers' houses (friends of friends who I've never met = stranger, obviously real strangers' houses wouldn't be weird... lol), I don't like people showing up unexpected, I just think homes are safe spaces where one should know what to expect. Obviously, I wouldn't invade someone else's if I feel that way, right?

Oh, well. I need to stop trying to analyze his oddness. It is what it is.

In other news... I downloaded Tinder. :p It's more of an amusement than anything else, but I have actually been talking to a guy who seems decent. And by decent, I mean he seems like he's a good person - a good dad, a good friend, and a good guy. We have similar sense of humor and have just been chatting. No sex talk, no exchanging of numbers, just... Talking. It's refreshing.
 
I had such a lovely day today. Work was better than I expected after waking cranky. I went out to see a funny movie with a friend and had drinks after. Then I met Hubby for his lunch break so I got to spend a bit of time with him. I'm so glad that we've been so good lately. Boy asked me again when I was free (after having been weird after my joke the other day), and as soon as I said Friday he was all excited that we could sleep in together Saturday morning. I mentioned possibly making breakfast, and he started thanking me for how well I treat him again. He even stayed up late to talk to me after the movie despite needing to get up extra early tomorrow because he "wanted to make sure I had a good day." He's an odd duck. Oh, well. It was nice to feel a little appreciation, and it just added to the awesomeness of the day. :)
 
I'm so enjoying talking to this Tinder guy. He's been telling me a lot about his life and being very emotionally open. I'm terrible at that, but, kind of like Doomed, he encourages it without pushing for it and makes me feel comfortable talking to him about pretty much anything. He made a comment about finding it easier to talk to me since he's not trying to sleep with me. lol Then he felt the need to clarify that I'm hot, he'd love to have sex with me, he's just not TRYING to get in my pants since 1-he's still trying to figure himself out and 2-I've already stated I'm not really looking for sex unless there is a solid friendship or budding relationship there first. Men crack me up. At least he's been paying attention to what I want in life. :)

Hubby is out and about this weekend, so I'm kind of bored and lonely this Saturday. I was hoping Boy could/would come over for a while to swim or we could go to the beach or something, but he's being weird again. After the nice things he said earlier in the week, it was kind of an intimate, cuddly, very close evening on Thursday. That's the cue for some distance, you know. :p
 
Hubby's birthday is this weekend. I'm excited to go on a little overnight trip. Check out a new town, get a hotel room, just enjoy ourselves. It'll be fantastic (I hope).

I'm meeting Tinder guy tonight. Maybe he should have a name, now. Joker, I think. It suits him. He's a nerd, and he's said he'd be the Joker if he was a comic book villain. He sends me tons of funny pictures/jokes. He's just ridiculous. Joker, it is. So, I'm meeting him tonight. He'd never heard of polyamory before we started talking, so it's a friend thing first. We've talked about the potential for dating in the future, too, if we click in general, but since he's recently ended a long-term relationship and I'm kind of in a weird place in regards to dating, the friends-first approach seems much wiser. It should be fun, though. :)
 
I actually heard from Cutie today. She's moving soon and although I already knew via Facebook, she wanted to tell me individually as well. We had a short little conversation, and I really hope she finds what she's looking for. I fear a bit that she is running away instead of running towards something, but who knows. She knows her motivations better than I do.

Boy has been distant and weird again this week. I know it's usually related to fatigue or generally not being well, but when he doesn't communicate that (because he's barely communicating at all) I tend to just lose interest. I actually told him that the other day, and he wasn't pleased. He knows how I am, though, and knows that once he's back to normal, I'll get back to normal after a bit, too. It's our weird, dysfunctional cycle.

Joker is still cracking me up. He's monogamous but has been researching polyamory a lot to get a better idea of what the potential pitfalls could be of pursuing me. lol Apparently he likes what he sees, because there's been too much lying in his life. I've apparently already proven that I don't hide things. We've hung out a couple of times, and he's made it clear that while he would be content if we turn out just friends, he would very much like to try actually dating. Why do guys always change their tune once we know each other?! Not that I'm complaining, necessarily. He's a nice guy, but he's got a lot of baggage right now that needs worked through. That could be part of what attracts him to my poly-ness. I'm not demanding. My needs are pretty well taken care of elsewhere, so he sees me as potentially providing all the positives of a relationship (companionship, comfort, sex, etc) without having to worry about me getting clingy and crazy. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it all.

Hubby and I are both really excited for the weekend! It's obvious our connection is stronger and our relationship is in a better place, because we have been spending every moment possible together lately. Not counting work and social activities that are necessary to keep us sane. Joker asked me if he was going to be completely cut off from texting over the weekend. I told him I wouldn't be on my phone nearly as much as I am during the week, but that I would definitely have time to check in a few times a day. Considering we've been talking almost non-stop since we first started chatting on Tinder... It'll be interesting how he handles my unavailable times now that he's shown interest. But, Hubby is the birthday boy and gets my full attention as much as possible this weekend. :p
 
It's been an amazing weekend. Fantastic time with Hubby.

Joker and I have plans in a couple of days. I'm wondering if sex will happen and am interested to see how he reacts to marks I have from this weekend, if it does happen.

I told Boy I don't want to see him this week. He's being negative, and I don't want his unhappiness to affect me more than it already has. It would be one thing if he would accept support, but he just wants to stew for a while. Fine, but I'm not participating. I offered to go to an event with him tomorrow night that he's supposedly dreading because he doesn't know anyone. He said no, he was only going to talk to a specific person (a relative of his) about a business arrangement. Then he asked what days I have free. I told him I offered him tomorrow to try to be supportive, but that I don't really have any down time that I would want to spend with him this week. I would have been cancelling plans to be there tomorrow. So... That's where that is.

I also told him that his erratic behavior throws me off. That I never know which Boy I should expect. He told me to just be myself regardless, so we got into a discussion about how I personally can't put myself into a position to be rejected again and again. And trying to cuddle with him when he's sore, upset, or whatever is almost guaranteed to lead to rejection because he doesn't like physical intimacy when he's like that. Whatever.

I'm looking forward to the week, though. Lots of fun things to do. Hubby is in a great mood about losing weight, which is really obvious in some pictures I took this weekend.
 
Have I mentioned how awesome Hubby is? I forgot my wallet yesterday. He brought it to me at work. I forgot a key I needed today. He brought it to me at work. He is seriously the kindest, most patient, most loving man I know. I'm one lucky woman. :)

I went out with Joker tonight. He's got some drama in his life that is just too much for me. Definitely okay with being friends, but not romantic or sexual. I'm done dealing with the crazy significant others (be they ex or current).

Boy wanted to come over late tonight. He apologized for being weird lately and explained why (things I already knew about and expected weirdness because of). He apparently misses me and even if we can't hang out for a normal evening he wanted to sleep next to me. See the pattern again? Distant, sentimental, distant, sentimental. The back and forth makes me dizzy sometimes. I told him I wasn't feeling it tonight, but I cancelled my plans tomorrow because I am just so tired. If he wanted to come nap/cuddle/just be with me, he can. I doubt he'll do it.
 
I ended up going to Boy's last night. I was exhausted after spending some time with my coworker and her family. I didn't really want to drive home, and his house was closer. So, I told him to stay up until I got there and showed up. As soon as I pulled up, he opened the door. Gave me a huge hug, wouldn't let go of my hand while I put my things down, and then sat right next to me on the couch while we talked for a few minutes and he finished the show he was watching. It was ridiculous. We went to bed, had some okay sex (it's always just okay when I'm feeling distant from him - hopefully next time it'll be back to fantastic ;) ), went to sleep. It was hot, so we didn't cuddle much, but he again was holding my hand the ENTIRE time. When it cooled off later in the night, he asked me if I was still too hot. I had already covered myself with a light blanket, so obviously no... As soon as I said I was good, he scooted over and started cuddling. So, apparently, me telling him his erratic behavior throws me off either snapped him out of the weirdness OR freaked him out enough that he's going to be affectionate regardless of his mental state. Strange man, that one.

I haven't seen Hubby, really, for a few days. Our work schedules are opposite, which actually doesn't really bother me. He brought me something I forgot at work the other day, so I got a quick kiss in. And he calls me before I go to sleep every night (when I'm not with Boy or on a date), which is lovely.

I'm going to talk to Joker today about my concerns about him. I know he's going to take it hard because he's still so emotional about the situation that I'm concerned about (well, the main one). I hate that I'm probably going to be causing him distress.

*sigh* Life goes on... I'm going to tell my coworker I'm poly sometime soon. Probably next week. I've alluded to it, and she knows how close I am to Boy and has heard me talking about going out with other guys, soo.... She shouldn't be surprised. I should have been way open from the beginning of starting this job, but I was kind of nervous because they seemed so conservative. We've becoming pretty close, though, so I want her to know before I actually invest in her as a real friend. Yay awkward coming-outs! :rolleyes:
 
I talked to Joker about my concerns. We've agreed to continue talking, but we're not going to see each other again until/unless he figures out a few things that would make his life more stable. I told him I am not okay entering a situation where a third party (in this case, his ex) would have any control over his ability to see me.

Doomed contacted me today. First through OKC then text. I didn't respond on OKC, but I didn't have his number in my phone so I had no idea who the text was from. Thinking it might be an ex-coworker or something, I responded. I kind of got sucked into a mostly-pleasant conversation. We'll see how that goes. On the plus side, the sucker punch that was sudden contact gave me a good excuse to go into detail about the situation with Joker so he gets why I was so worried. Yay for that coincidence?

Boy showed up (uninvited) tonight. He knew I was kind of thrown by Doomed contacting me, so he didn't want me to be alone. We watched some Shark Week stuff, then he went to bed. I told him I was going to do a few things first then I'd join him. We did have sex, and it was MUCH better. I was hoping it was easily remedied. Good to know, though, that the sexual chemistry suffers if I don't feel emotionally as close to him. Not surprising, since lately I haven't been into the more casual sexual liaisons that I used to be interested in. Kind of sucks that I need an emotional connection of some sort - at least friendship - to have good sex these days. Poor me. ;)
 
Seeing Joker later in the week. He's going to rent a movie and I'm going to cook dinner. I'm hoping we have enough self control to stick to the "just friends" plan. Although, he thinks his ex is starting to be less crazy about the poly thing, so we shall see. I like the idea of growing the companionship first anyway, but... Well, sex is always so darn tempting.

Boy is coming over tomorrow. He's been feeling kind of off, and since he was so sweet last week, I told him I'd cook him whatever he wanted. Carb, carb, and more carb it is! It'll be delicious, though.

I'm still talking to Doomed. Stupid, right? It's been okay, though. He's getting married soon. To the crazy person who dictates who he can be in contact with. Apparently he didn't mention he was going to talk to me at all, so I got a lovely email from her about how much she hates me. Woohoo! So glad she's not my problem anymore. I'm going to enjoy the pleasant conversation with a person who knows me well, fully expecting him to disappear at any moment.

Hubby and I are planning a few weekend trips coming up. I'm excited. He's excited. We're insanely happy these days. Sex life is back to normal, although not as frequent as either of us would like due to scheduling. At least we're connecting in every way again, though. Definitely can't complain. ;) I love that man so much.
 
Didn't have sex with Joker, but there was some pretty heavy petting. I guess his ex is becoming less freaked out about him seeing me in general, so... We'll see. I'm still maintaining the "only friendship" rule for a bit. No way am I going to let the unofficial (and very generous) custody shit get messed up by my presence.

Doomed and I are still chatting. He asked to hang out at one point, Crazy freaked out (before I even answered yes or no), he rescinded. It kind of cracked me up that he didn't expect that from her.

Boy is having roommates move in. He's kind of nervous, but I know he'll enjoy the company and the extra cash. We're going to start attending a kink discussion group, which he seems excited about. I'm excited, too. There are quite a few poly folks RSVP'd, and the plan is for it to be half general discussion group and half book club. Awesome, right?!

Hubby let me get a pet the other day. A beautiful kitty now calls my apartment home. She totally cuddles and is pretty much amazing. He was just excited at all the stuff I let him do (financially, sexually, and other) in appreciation. :)

I'm just happy right now. I've been hanging out with friends a lot. I have fun, amazing people in my life. I'm in a place where I can do fun things while still making financial progress. It's great. I also told a coworker I'm poly. She's definitely more friend now. It felt good to get it out there.
 
I'm so tired these days! I'm out so often, hanging out with friends or at the gym or working or dates or whatever, that I'm not getting enough sleep. Ridiculous! I have an evening to myself tonight. Joker wanted to hang out, but I told him I was in desperate need of a me day. He wasn't thrilled, but hey. If he's going to date an introvert (albeit a social one), he's going to have to learn to deal with me needing space now and then.

Boy and I are going to our first book club meeting this week. I'm excited! Kinky and poly folks AND literature?! Sweet!

That's about it for now... I'm going to go make myself some junk food and enjoy my peace and quiet. :)
 
Book club didn't happen. :( Someone Boy works with had an accident, so we went to the hospital to visit him instead. Boy apologized and told me I could go without him. I simply asked him if he would have gone if I had been the one with a more emergency situation going on. He immediately said, "Of course not! I want to go WITH YOU." Then he shook his head when he realized that's why I didn't go. Half the fun was knowing it was something we would be doing together, outside of our norm.

I kind of disappeared on Joker for almost a week. A few texts here and there, but no ongoing conversation like we'd been having. I don't entirely trust him about the ex situation, so I'm keeping my distance. When he is constantly trying to get things to move forward, not talking is the easiest route. He knows I'm worried about the drama in his life (we've talked about it multiple times), and I half think he just thinks of me of a pretty cool person whose pants he could get into. Because of the issues in his personal life, I doubt he's counting on an actual relationship occurring. I'm just feeling pretty removed from the whole situation, which kind of stinks because he's an awesome guy when you ignore the baggage.

Hubby and I are going on a weekend trip. :) A friend is going to check in on the kitty, the bags are (almost) packed. I'm about to go drag his butt out of bed so he can help me load up the car and get going! I'm really excited to get to see part of Southern Oregon that I've never been to. Boy was dropping hints that he wanted to tag along since he has family near-ish where we'll be staying so he could do fun stuff with us AND visit some family. I didn't issue an invite, though, even though Hubby said he was okay with it. I love doing one-on-one trips with Hubby. We bond so much, have such a good rhythm, and it's just... Wonderful. So, I wanted to keep it just the two of us, which made Hubby smile. Sometimes I forget to show him how much I really do love him and love spending time with him.

So... Yeah! I'm still tired. Life is still hectic. But I still feel good. And I've lost a little more weight! Woot!
 
Doomed and I have been talking a lot. Like, a ton, actually. It's funny. We talk about pretty much everything. Mildly flirtatious, but we both back off if it gets too weird. I'm kind of glad he's not allowed to see me. I don't know that I would have the willpower to say no, and I do know that it would probably end very, very badly for me. He tells me I'm cute ALL THE TIME and keeps sending me ridiculous pictures (of himself and of random things) which makes me laugh.

Boy is taking me to a movie tomorrow that I really want to see. One that he had no interest in seeing when we talked about it/watched the preview so I know he's doing it just because I was super excited about it. He's sweet sometimes. :) Everyone has taken to calling him my boyfriend, and I'm not objecting. I still don't think of him in those terms, but it's too difficult to try to differentiate the fluid whatever-ness that occurs between us from the stability others see. Doomed has told me multiple times that he is jealous of what Boy and I have, because even though it has shifted and changed and ebbs and flows... It's persisted. I'm loving that new perspective and realize how much I do appreciate knowing that Boy is there. Yes, he may be distant and he may be a raging weirdo, but... If I needed him (and communicated that I needed him), he'd be here in a heartbeat. And he knows the same is true about me for him.

Oh! The long weekend! It was AMAZING! So beautiful. Nice weather, when we expected rain. A little cooler than it had been calling for, but it worked out well. Snuggling in a tent is wonderful. :) Hubby fished, I read. We hiked. We built fire. We connected. It was absolutely perfect.
 
I ended up seeing Joker for a couple of hours the other night. He was feeling pretty down about some stuff and asked if I'd have a drink with him. I'm not one to turn away someone who is in need, so of course I went... I think I'm going to have to be more blunt about things, though. I'm cool with hanging out/making out, but I don't want to have sex with him. I don't want a relationship. There are people in his life (important people to him) that I would have to either be a complete secret or I would have to lie/hide the truth about myself. I am 100% not okay with that. I've told him that I'm uncomfortable with certain things, but I don't think he realizes what it means. That I'm not going to get attached. That I'm not going to be "the one" (because he's mono, so I would be the ONLY one). He also told me he has a brother and a cousin on Tinder -which is how we met. I laughed and asked to see pictures to see if I came across them. An hour later, out of nowhere, he asks me to please not date them. I mean, really?

Anyway... In pleasant news... Boy and I have been awesome lately. He came over last night. We grabbed fast food before the movie. Well, we actually missed the movie I wanted to see and went to TMNT instead. Worked out well since he was more excited about that. :) Had sex before the movie, at bedtime, middle of the night sometime, and this morning... Good times...

Hubby, I think, is kind of not happy today, though. He wanted to see TMNT, and I've seen a lot of movies without him lately. Not that I wouldn't go again, he just feels bad spending money on that kind of stuff if I've already done it. Which seems silly to me. But, whatever, his feelings are his feelings. He also probably heard Boy and I having sex, which kind of sucks since he and I don't get the opportunity too often these days. We both have so much going on work/school/friend-wise that our sex life gets kind of pushed aside to make time for other things. Not okay. I mean, it's not as bad as it WAS, but there's definitely still room for improvement. Funny how new goals become so much more obvious when you've reached the current ones.

Lady sent me a message that Doomed was at an event recently, which I already knew since he was talking to me while he was there. I guess he and his now wife were there and already bickering. She gets crazy NRE which is kind of hurtful to him. Not that he would or should talk to me about that anymore, but he's been off, and I'm fairly certain that's why based on the snippets he's given me and then Lady's info.

Anyway... I'm feeling pretty okay overall. I came out to another coworker who told me I'm amazing. Next weekend, Hubby and I have some more awesome camping plans... Maybe I'll get to the coast sometime soon, too. Then this winter I want to get to Mt Hood more often to do fun snow things! I'm so excited about life right now. :)
 
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