Poly Social Networking & Connecting

Ryan3232

New member
Hey everyone,

I am hoping to gain some insights/input/feedback from poly folks and their preference in social networking & connecting with like-minded people online.

What sites do people prefer? Why do you like those sites? I would love to here as many details and positives/negatives as I am relatively new to the whole poly world.

Currently, I am registered on Beyondtwo.com, Ok Cupid, and I am researching a few other potential sites. I am still evaluating these sites, but I would appreciate it if anyone would share their experiences online with finding other poly people.

Thanks.

Ryan
 
Maybe we have different definitions, but when I think "social networking" and poly I think sites like this one. When I think "dating" and poly I think of sites like OKC. Different things to me
 
Hey everyone,

I am hoping to gain some insights/input/feedback from poly folks and their preference in social networking & connecting with like-minded people online.

What sites do people prefer? Why do you like those sites? I would love to here as many details and positives/negatives as I am relatively new to the whole poly world.

Currently, I am registered on Beyondtwo.com, Ok Cupid, and I am researching a few other potential sites. I am still evaluating these sites, but I would appreciate it if anyone would share their experiences online with finding other poly people.

Thanks.

Ryan

I tend to only be on this, facebook (more specifically poly groups) and I used to use OKC. Since OKC is definitely more geared towards dating it was difficult to use as a social site. But it is possible. :)
 
Like they've said, it depends on what you're looking for.

My much younger partner hipped me to what's going on amidst the dating apps, which she enjoys browsing, if only for new friends and the occasional possible date.

Tinder - the straight person's version of Grindr, a gay hookup app. Tinder is basically an app where you make a choice whether you think the person is "hot or not", meaning hot enough to meet. If they are a mutual match, y'all can start chatting. The unspoken rule of Tinder is that it's for hooking up/sex, after a few casual dates first. Beware though, youth and beauty are required to be successful. Or at least a picture of a dog in your profile ;)

OkCupid - again, a young audience, but more of a relationship seeking app.

Plenty of Fish - much older, more world-weary audience. You're going to find members here who are mostly 30-60s, have at least one kid, and who are looking for something long term. Nothing wrong with any of that of course.

Skout and DateHookup are kind of a mix of OkC and PoF, but with much fewer users.

As for poly-dating specifically, I'm not the expert. Sorry.
 
I am a fan of getting out and socially connecting the old fashioned way... In person.

I have have huge success with it.

Butch socializes with folks he has met on Fetlife.
 
Chops has had varying degrees of success with OKC. He's on some of the Facebook poly groups, but I think they're not his cup of tea, as many of the groups on FB tend to be a bit "meat markety".

He's also used meetup.com to find a local poly discussion group he enjoys - less focus on dating and more focus on talking.

Your mileage may vary - I think Xena enjoys the FB-based local meetup groups more than Chops does.

As I'm mono in a poly world, I get intimidated by the in-person poly groups. Instead, I pretty much go online to relate to other folks in poly relationships (here, and the Yahoo mailing lists for mono/poly relationships).
 
Poly networking and/or dating sites/pages worth a look:

My best experiences -- though that's not saying much -- were with OKC and PolyMatchMaker.

As for POF (Plenty Of Fish), I have recently heard some bad reviews of it, and that it's not as poly-friendly as it should be.

This thread is the first time I've heard of Tinder, Grindr, Skout, or DateHookUp, so you'd have to try them directly to see if they're any good.
 
Like they've said, it depends on what you're looking for.

My much younger partner hipped me to what's going on amidst the dating apps, which she enjoys browsing, if only for new friends and the occasional possible date.

Tinder - the straight person's version of Grindr, a gay hookup app. Tinder is basically an app where you make a choice whether you think the person is "hot or not", meaning hot enough to meet. If they are a mutual match, y'all can start chatting. The unspoken rule of Tinder is that it's for hooking up/sex, after a few casual dates first. Beware though, youth and beauty are required to be successful. Or at least a picture of a dog in your profile ;)

OkCupid - again, a young audience, but more of a relationship seeking app.

Plenty of Fish - much older, more world-weary audience. You're going to find members here who are mostly 30-60s, have at least one kid, and who are looking for something long term. Nothing wrong with any of that of course.

Skout and DateHookup are kind of a mix of OkC and PoF, but with much fewer users.

As for poly-dating specifically, I'm not the expert. Sorry.



Vanquish,

Thanks for the reply.

Since I am of the "hip" crowd since I am 25 and relatively connected to apps, I can verify some of your younger partner's insights. I have a friend few who utilize tinder, but the problem to tinder, it seems to only be for hooking up.

Of all my friends, I do not know a single one who actually started dating a girl from tinder, just sex, which is fine. However, I am generally interested in developing longer, more fulfilling relationships. As enjoyable and pleasurable sex is to me or anyone else, there has to be more. Plus, haha I would never trust tinder with a 10 foot pole.

I am curious as to more about your story, how did you and your partner(s) meet?

I have started using Beyondtwo & Ok Cupid; so far, I like Beyondtwo because it seems like both a dating & social networking site and Ok Cupid appears to be more of a dating site, as you have mentioned. Either is fine, but I would love the complete package in a website! Is that too much to ask?! haha kidding, sort of.

What are your thoughts on plentyoffish? I am not familiar with that site? I will be looking it up and comparing/contrasting it to some of the other poly sites while awaiting responses!

Thanks

Ryan
 
1) Youarehere, what do you think of the yahoo mailing lists? Is that the same as the yahoo groups? I just joined a yahoo group called "Expansive Loving", accepted yeterday.

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/ExpansiveLoving,/info

2) Dagferi; I do like your style, but unfortunately, I am have been very at work and I do not see it letting up for the foreseeable future so it is difficult to go out into "the wild" without having a prior meeting/date set-up. I am actually doing all of this because the partner I am falling for, Melissa, is much more experienced with poly than I am, and I want to do everything in my capacity to help her find complete fulfillment. I am poly as well, but the relationship that is evolving is going to be polyandry, so I am trying to do my part to help seek out potential partners for her.

Generally, in regards to poly sites, what kind of features/set-ups do people enjoy? I have compared BeyondTwo, Ok Cupid, and I am starting to look over plenty of Fish, so I am curious as to your insights.

As I briefly mentioned above, I would like the whole package; being able to find potential poly partners, for Melissa, while also having the ability to easily connect and chat with like-minded individuals. I do not think I am going to be able to do that on Ok Cupid. I think it is very possible with Beyondtwo because of its friendly set-up. I have also started checking out Fet Life for poly partners; they have some groups, but I am not sure.

Any feedback/comments/reactions is appreciated!

Thanks
 
Co-habitation/Communal Living

Hey everyone,

Primarily, I am posting this thread to get some feedback/comments/insights into various websites for poly folks.

The initial choices thrown into the discussion are as follows:

1) www.beyondtwo.com

2)http://www.okcupid.com/

3) Poly Facebook Groups such as 1) Polyamory

4) Meet-up Groups

5) Plenty of Fish

-Feel free to add any others as well.

-Basically, I am wondering what people think are the positives and negatives of each site? Moreover, if you could revise or make any additions to any of the sites discussed, what would you add?.
I am involved in 1-3 while research 4-5. As for current recommendation, I would recommend checking out Beyondtwo!

Thanks.

Ryan
 
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As I briefly mentioned above, I would like the whole package; being able to find potential poly partners, for Melissa, while also having the ability to easily connect and chat with like-minded individuals.

While I do understand looking for like minded people.... The above statement made me go yuck...

What are you her pimp?

Melissa needs find her OWN partners.

Personally being contacted via the internet by someone's significant other looking to hook me up with them is down right creepy.
 
1) Youarehere, what do you think of the yahoo mailing lists? Is that the same as the yahoo groups? I just joined a yahoo group called "Expansive Loving", accepted yeterday.

The mailing lists go up and down, traffic-wise, and you sometimes see the same topics. The lists I'm on, though, are more poly/mono support, though, and as such, sometimes there's a lot of pain and support on the lists. Probably not quite the same thing as the Expansive Loving list.

And yes, it's the same as Yahoo Groups - you can go through the web interface or get the messages via email.
 
Dagferi, I am sure it would have helped if I had elaborated more into what I am actually doing for her... So here I go...

I am not contacting people on her behalf nor am I her pimp! LOL.

She is even more busy than I am at work, so I do some preliminary research on my own so when we sit down TOGETHER, we are able to make the most of that time.

She is not actively looking for multiple sexual partners; rather, she is looking multiple lovers in a fulfilling, loving, and trustworthy relationship. It is not easy to find, so it requires effort and precision.

I am going to assume your "yuck" and "pimp" reference was light-hearted because 1) you don't have all the facts and 2) I am appreciative of your comments.

With that being said, I would ask that you please pause before making potentially judgmental comments.

Regardless, I do agree she does need to find her own partners, but finding someone together helps increase the communication and openness of the situation IMO.

Youarehere, thank you for the feedback. That is very helpful because I am trying to make the most out of the resources I am using. Much appreciated!
 
With that being said, I would ask that you please pause before making potentially judgmental comments.

Yah Dag, watch your mouth!

I do some preliminary research on my own so when we sit down TOGETHER

Curious, are you two looking for someone for the two of you to date? Are you supervising? Just reading over her shoulder because you are bored? If she's looking for someone to date maybe *she* should look for someone to date?
 
Marcus,

Thanks for the support! haha, no hard feelings, Dag!

As to your question, She has a desire to seek out another partner for a long-term relationship. It is a polyandry relationship. I help her look for partners in the initial stages because it does save time, then she does the big decision making on who she wants to reach out to and start getting to know. Quite honestly, it is due to both of our work schedules, it is not easy.

What are you experiences in the poly world? just curious.
 
Thanks for the support! haha, no hard feelings, Dag!

I love Dag, even though we disagree at times. This doesn't happen to be one of those times - with the information given I would agree, it sounded pretty creepy.

It is a polyandry relationship.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but it's a theoretical relationship. I would avoid looking for a person to fit into a pre-determined relationship structure. That is really just setting everyone up for having failed expectations. Instead, I suggest letting her put on her big girl panties and do her own looking for her own boyfriend. This theoretical boyfriend coming into his new theoretical polyandry setup might be a tad intimidated by her current partner having his hands all up in the process.

Do as you will, just my personal take to help navigate some of the traps you are setting up for yourself.

What are you experiences in the poly world? just curious.

I don't team date, so my experiences might not be very helpful for your arrangement. I avoid involving myself in my partners relationships just like I avoid getting involved in my friends marriages... it's not my business and I have plenty of my own fires to put out without getting in their stuff. If they request my input I will, of course, help if I can and I feel comfortable with it.

My preference is to associate with reasonable, self-sufficient, attractive (to me) people who find me enticing and don't have any interest in dictating what I do with my time/body/emotions.

I also like long walks on the beach :)
 
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I am in a polyandry situation and honestly Butch has had NO INVOLVEMENT in my finding a partner EVER including searching on line or in my relationship with Murf. Murf has no say in my relationship with Butch. I have no say in Butch's relationships with his play partners.

Honestly if she doesn't have time to search for partners herself then she doesn't have time to be dating.

I only answered based upon the information given. Despite my mad skills in many avenues in life. Mind reading is not one of them. I still stand by the view point that it may creep out potential partners for them to find out that she messaged them because her SO thought they might be someone she might like. Many do not like other people in their relationships.

Team dating doesn't usually work out too well. If I can find time to see my husbands around our heck schedules anyone can.

Butch works 3-11pm 8 days with 2 days off and then 7 days with 4 days off. Murf works 6pm to 6 am. 2 days on 2 days off. 3 days on 2 days off. 2 days on 3 days off. Both men have been stuck working mandatory overtime lately. Plus I work 40+ hours a week as personal assistant to a professional musician and 2-3 days a week as a veterinary technician at an emergency vet clinic on 12 hour shifts. Add on kid schedules with school, sports and etc. Yet I find the time to run 2 households and split my time as fairly as I can.
 
I love Dag, even though we disagree at times. This doesn't happen to be one of those times - with the information given I would agree, it sounded pretty creepy.



Not to put too fine a point on it, but it's a theoretical relationship. I would avoid looking for a person to fit into a pre-determined relationship structure. That is really just setting everyone up for having failed expectations. Instead, I suggest letting her put on her big girl panties and do her own looking for her own boyfriend. This theoretical boyfriend coming into his new theoretical polyandry setup might be a tad intimidated by her current partner having his hands all up in the process.

Do as you will, just my personal take to help navigate some of the traps you are setting up for yourself.



I don't team date, so my experiences might not be very helpful for your arrangement. I avoid involving myself in my partners relationships just like I avoid getting involved in my friends marriages... it's not my business and I have plenty of my own fires to put out without getting in their stuff. If they request my input I will, of course, help if I can and I feel comfortable with it.

My preference is to associate with reasonable, self-sufficient, attractive (to me) people who find me enticing and don't have any interest in dictating what I do with my time/body/emotions.

I also like long walks on the beach :)



Long walks on the beach, huh? Haha, that made me laugh.

As to the substance of your responses, I suppose it did sound a tad creepy because I did not provide much background or information into the details.

I do see your point on the problem with limiting oneself to a specific structure and the looming possibility of failed expectations. Thankfully, we had really only just started to begin to look for potential other partners. She is curious, and I want her to be able to express this curiosity if it makes her happy. I do not have any specific dynamic in mind other than me supporting her and being at her side. I know she has a desire to explore her want for multiple partners, just did not want to hinder that in any way.

I appreciate the feedback, it is helpful to me in order to think about things. Being relatively new to poly, I am always trying to evaluate everything--- myself, my partner, and the relationship dynamic--- so, that I can communicate better with her and stay on the good path.

Thanks.

If you do not mind me asking, are you currently involved in any relationships? I would be interested to hear anything you would have to share
 
I am in a polyandry situation and honestly Butch has had NO INVOLVEMENT in my finding a partner EVER including searching on line or in my relationship with Murf. Murf has no say in my relationship with Butch. I have no say in Butch's relationships with his play partners.

Honestly if she doesn't have time to search for partners herself then she doesn't have time to be dating.

I only answered based upon the information given. Despite my mad skills in many avenues in life. Mind reading is not one of them. I still stand by the view point that it may creep out potential partners for them to find out that she messaged them because her SO thought they might be someone she might like. Many do not like other people in their relationships.

Team dating doesn't usually work out too well. If I can find time to see my husbands around our heck schedules anyone can.

Butch works 3-11pm 8 days with 2 days off and then 7 days with 4 days off. Murf works 6pm to 6 am. 2 days on 2 days off. 3 days on 2 days off. 2 days on 3 days off. Both men have been stuck working mandatory overtime lately. Plus I work 40+ hours a week as personal assistant to a professional musician and 2-3 days a week as a veterinary technician at an emergency vet clinic on 12 hour shifts. Add on kid schedules with school, sports and etc. Yet I find the time to run 2 households and split my time as fairly as I can.

Well, quite honestly, your use of time seems to be very efficient. I am impressed.

While neither of us have kids, I work 50 hours a week at a law firm, then she works 16 hour days due to her involvement in Real Estate, Charity, and Film to name a few. I also help her out with side projects, so that another 10 hours per week.

I am not trying to compare it to your schedule; I am simply saying that it is difficult and challenging at times to the both of us. We have to be efficient. I am sure you could say we might be taking on too much, but neither of us want to work the rest of our lives. We would prefer to retire early, so that requires us to put in more work to achieve our dreams. This is a big year for the both of us, and we have to push in our professional/career goals while still staying sane with some semblance of a romantic life.

I do agree her messaging a potential partner on a partial recommendation from me is odd, but if the guy does not know, ignorance is bliss. But, frankly, Melissa would not hide that fact from them, she is very open and direct. So, if a guy were offended or weirded out, we would just move on to the next.

I appreciate your response, Dag.

Thanks


 
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