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Old 07-19-2018, 08:59 PM
Jayla Jayla is offline
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Greetings to all! Iíve voraciously been reading the forums for a couple months now, and thought Iíd try to jump into the fray so to speak. Lol. Iím not sure how much I fit in, or how my situation fits in, but thought Iíd try it out. *All names are not actual names*
My husband Nick and I are both hetero, CIS and been married for 16 years, together 18 years. We met and fell in love as late teens. Our first child was born 18mo into our relationship and we married soon after. In total we now have 4 children all school age. Nick spent time in the armed forces, deploying many times. I did the SAHM thing for over a decade. Three of our children have diagnosed disabilities. He now works a civilian job 6 nights/wk and Iím in college while still taking care of kids.

We were monogamous up until around 2 1/2 years ago. Each otherís firsts and onlys. Weíd had issues in our marriage for years, sexual and emotional, and ashamedly I did end up having an emotional affair off and on with a mutual friend Matt. But things still went south with Nick, and I eventually gave up and asked for a divorce. We dated others during the separation. 2 months into the separation he asked to reconcile. So we did. 6 months after that Nick decided he wanted to leave, as he felt heíd had enough of my sexual difficulties, as well as saying (which he now realizes was immature thinking) he wanted a hotter and kinkier woman to be with. As much as that hurt and really hit my insecurities where they live and the bunker below that, I really couldnít blame him. But he didnít want to break up our family, and said he truly loved me just wasnít sexually attracted to me anymore. So we ended up deciding maybe poly was the answer. (I know now, donít add people to fix inside problems, but weíre now here and doing our best )

I found Doug within a few weeks, and we dated on and off for a year. Nick didnít find Ashley for a year, but due to the nature of how their relationship began it only lasted 6 weeks (and huge drama to boot that included Matt).
All outside relationships ended 9 months ago. The emotional affair with Matt ended 18mo ago after he told Nick about it, but we all worked through it and on ok terms. Iíve not been at all interested in new people (drama from Ashley and Nickís relationship, guilt from my relationship with Matt, and my insecurities running wild). Nick says he still wants to keep the door open, but isnít actively pursuing things. Ashley threw him for a loop. He does see himself finding someone in the future tho.

So thatís me and my short poly journey. Our marriage feels good right now, grown and matured in this window of time, but I keep reading to try to prepare myself for anything that comes along in the future. I donít know if poly is right for me, but still trying to find out. Divorce is not currently in the cards, more like coming to understanding. Iíve thought about starting a blog, but being that things arenít currently actively happening in the poly side of things, Iím not sure if that would be ok.
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Old 07-19-2018, 11:55 PM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is offline
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Welcome to the forum. No reason you can't start a blog. There are no rules as to how active it has to be. It might be a good way to sort out your feelings as you have them.
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Old 07-20-2018, 01:45 AM
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Al99 Al99 is offline
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Hi Jayla - and welcome to the forum! While you are going through this period of processing, please do not hesitate to post any specific questions or thoughts that you might have to the Forum. And certainly please do feel free to set up a Blog in that section.

Best of luck on your journey. Al
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Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
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Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
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My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.
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Old 07-20-2018, 08:48 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings Jayla,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You can certainly start a blog here if you want, you do not have to be actively poly (or even poly at all). It sounds like you've had some ups and downs in your poly journey so far. It's entirely possible that you and Nick will find new partners in the future. Keep reading and posting here, let us know (in Poly Relationships Corner and/or General Poly Discussions) if you have any concerns or questions. We'll try to help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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Old 07-21-2018, 12:19 AM
Jayla Jayla is offline
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Thank you very much for the welcome. When some of my schoolwork slows down a bit in the next couple days, Iíll put together something to write and ask some questions that have been in my brain for quite some time. Everything Iíve read on here shows me that many folks are very understanding, supportive, while also straightforward which is highly appreciated. Thank you again!
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Old 07-21-2018, 10:49 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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