Without writing a book, I am an married woman in a long term marriage who is about to lose a man who I love more than anything on earth. All my own doing, and I need to know if there are any of you out there who can try to help me navigate this mess i have created.
I'll leave out all of the details so as to not write a book here. A little over two years ago, after sending the last one off to college, and after over 25 years of totally monogamous marriage, i went off the deep end. i became obsessed with the fantasy of being able to have sex with other men, and knowing cheating would amount to an instant divorce, i discovered non monogamy or polyamory or whatever title you want to ascribe to my mindset.
So to be honest, i am not wired for non monogamy as some claim they are. I never cheated on boyfriends, and never so much as gave a thought to sexual relations with a man other than my husband for so many years. I still cannot explain it. Net result was, I discovered and did all the book reading and kept at it pushing hubby until he finally gave in and said he'd agree. Not the right way to do it , right???
I think he agreed hoping I would get it out of my system. Instead, I dove in big time and have had sex with a lot of men a lot of times these past two years. Hubby does not know much because one of the agreements was that since he travels on business three weeks a month, it has been pretty much a DADT journey.
But the last six months it has been obvious he has been detaching from me, and even our sex life , which was always vibrant and fun, has become nothing but a release on his part, with very little emotion.
My gut tells me he is preparing to leave me, and I have no clue what to do. I am prepared to go back to monogamy. I know here on this forum I will get advice that he needs to accept what I want or I should let him go. Please I do not need to hear that. I am ready to do anything to save my marriage but how do I ever convince him I will not want to go back to this.
I tremble at the thought of him asking me for a lot of details that will probably shock him to the core. He knows I have had sex with other men, but has no idea the extent.
So how do you sit your husband down and tell him you will not have sex with other men any more after two years and get him to believe a word you are saying. And do I disclose it all????
I know, my gut tells me, I am running out of time.
Maybe I'm not making sense. I am so scared. I know I have left out many details but I do not want to make this so long no one reads it.
Anyone who has "put the genie" back in the bottle, please help me figure this out. Thank you for reading.
I'll leave out all of the details so as to not write a book here. A little over two years ago, after sending the last one off to college, and after over 25 years of totally monogamous marriage, i went off the deep end. i became obsessed with the fantasy of being able to have sex with other men, and knowing cheating would amount to an instant divorce, i discovered non monogamy or polyamory or whatever title you want to ascribe to my mindset.
So to be honest, i am not wired for non monogamy as some claim they are. I never cheated on boyfriends, and never so much as gave a thought to sexual relations with a man other than my husband for so many years. I still cannot explain it. Net result was, I discovered and did all the book reading and kept at it pushing hubby until he finally gave in and said he'd agree. Not the right way to do it , right???
I think he agreed hoping I would get it out of my system. Instead, I dove in big time and have had sex with a lot of men a lot of times these past two years. Hubby does not know much because one of the agreements was that since he travels on business three weeks a month, it has been pretty much a DADT journey.
But the last six months it has been obvious he has been detaching from me, and even our sex life , which was always vibrant and fun, has become nothing but a release on his part, with very little emotion.
My gut tells me he is preparing to leave me, and I have no clue what to do. I am prepared to go back to monogamy. I know here on this forum I will get advice that he needs to accept what I want or I should let him go. Please I do not need to hear that. I am ready to do anything to save my marriage but how do I ever convince him I will not want to go back to this.
I tremble at the thought of him asking me for a lot of details that will probably shock him to the core. He knows I have had sex with other men, but has no idea the extent.
So how do you sit your husband down and tell him you will not have sex with other men any more after two years and get him to believe a word you are saying. And do I disclose it all????
I know, my gut tells me, I am running out of time.
Maybe I'm not making sense. I am so scared. I know I have left out many details but I do not want to make this so long no one reads it.
Anyone who has "put the genie" back in the bottle, please help me figure this out. Thank you for reading.