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Old 01-18-2018, 12:50 PM
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Default Solo Poly vs...well, All the Rest

So, I was just wondering what people here thought of solo polyamory, if anyone practiced it/had practiced it, and, if so, what form does it take for you? Until my current rather new set up, I was solo poly. I had four very casual girlfriends. One,, we'll call her K, I was closer to than the others. I miss her a bit, but she and I weren't compatible for anything that was more serious. The other three I was even less compatible with. So when I started my current relationship, I broke things off with those women to concentrate on establishing a new base, with the understanding that we'd revisit things in time.

I'm a fiercely independent person, and solo poly seems to be my most natural way of operating. I can see - or not see - partners when it is convenient for all involved. We're serious about caring for one another, and we enjoy one another's company, but no one is staking claims, or thinking of playing house or anything. It's a pretty cool way to live, but, at the same time, I also kind of fear getting old and dying alone, and I operate okay in more serious/thinking of the future set ups as well. NGL, though, I can't help but miss the freedom of solo poly.

So, what do you guys think? I've heard some people say that solo polyamorists just fear commitment, but personally, I don't at all. I just happen to be able to operate just fine without it, too. Thoughts?
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Old 01-18-2018, 01:55 PM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Threads Tagged with solo poly
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Old 01-18-2018, 02:06 PM
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Default Thank you!

How do I search tags? And for that matter, how do I tag users in replies? Thanks again!
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Old 01-18-2018, 05:00 PM
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If you hit "quote" instead of "reply" you will get the person to whom you are responding's post in your reply.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63)
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's bf since April 2013
BigGuy (poly, M, married, 43, dating me since June 2018)
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Old 01-18-2018, 05:02 PM
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To search Tags, go to the Search button on top of the page. Click that, then click Advanced Search. You'll see how to search by tags or keywords.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63)
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's bf since April 2013
BigGuy (poly, M, married, 43, dating me since June 2018)
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Old 01-18-2018, 05:02 PM
Marvelgirl Marvelgirl is offline
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I don't see anything wrong with it. There are types of "poly" that really bother me but this sure isn't one of them.
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Old 01-18-2018, 07:53 PM
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Hi PurpleSun,

Solo poly is fine AFAIAC, I believe nycindie is/was solo poly, though she hasn't posted for awhile. I think you just do the kind of poly that works best for you; everyone is different.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 01-18-2018, 08:29 PM
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FallenAngelina FallenAngelina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleSun View Post
How do I search tags?
You just click on the link that Ravenscroft posted and all of the threads tagged "solo poly" are listed. We've talked about it a lot here. I don't think it's a special subject that merits a "Vs. All the Rest," it's just one more poly option - at least, that's how it comes up in conversation here. Doesn't seem to me that coupledom is assumed. Most single people here who are practicing solo poly don't label themselves "solo poly," although Kevin is right that nycindie did. Most single people just are themselves and poly. "Solo poly" is a weird term, IMO.
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Last edited by FallenAngelina; 01-18-2018 at 09:05 PM.
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Old 01-19-2018, 04:11 AM
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PurpleSun PurpleSun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FallenAngelina View Post
You just click on the link that Ravenscroft posted and all of the threads tagged "solo poly" are listed. We've talked about it a lot here. I don't think it's a special subject that merits a "Vs. All the Rest," it's just one more poly option - at least, that's how it comes up in conversation here. Doesn't seem to me that coupledom is assumed. Most single people here who are practicing solo poly don't label themselves "solo poly," although Kevin is right that nycindie did. Most single people just are themselves and poly. "Solo poly" is a weird term, IMO.
Ahh, okay. I have, in the past, labeled myself that, to avoid having people believing I am looking for a primary, or, in some instances, that they WERE my primary. I kind of define it as - "I am my own primary partner."
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Old 01-20-2018, 04:55 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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I'm solo poly.

I don't post much here, though. I am in a Facebook group for solo polyamory which has a lot of good discussions. The founder of the FB group has this website: https://solopoly.net/ which has a good explanation of being "off the relationship escalator."

One trend I have noticed is that many solo poly people have had VERY bad experiences with mono/poly relationships. For me, people with a monogamous mindset often can't grasp my independence--even if they are sometimes willing to "let" me have relationships with other people.

An ex of mine left me very abruptly after a four-year relationship to have a "real" relationship (his words) with someone who wanted to live with him & marry him immediately (and monogamously). He is her third husband, LOL.

For him, the problem wasn't so much the sexual non-exclusivity as that he felt the relationship "wasn't going anywhere" since I didn't want to live with him (although he never mentioned that in four years!). He felt I didn't really love him (but never mentioned that either). He told me he felt there was "no point" in discussing these things with me. Yeah, that was a bundle of fun.

So, in your mono/poly relationship, don't forget the solo/non-solo aspect of your differences. That's something that has to be worked out too.
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