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Old 02-05-2019, 02:42 PM
prettylittleriddles prettylittleriddles is offline
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Default Hi from Europe :) from non-monogamy to poly

Hi forum,

after lurking and reading for several months and finding this forum incredibly helpful to deal with all the new exciting things happening to my relationship(s), I finally decided to sign up and say hi!

I'm a 30-ish woman living in a European capital I'm a bit paranoid about being identified, so I prefer to speak in riddles, as per my username

I'm in an open primary relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years, let's call him Captain :-) the openness started out as a rather theoretical thing because we both had issues with the arbitrary boundaries imposed by classical monogamy - seeing long-term couples break up on principle over one-time sexual missteps or attraction to someone else never made sense to me personally.

So we had the occasional one-night-stand or fooling around with another person at a party, but we were always pretty insecure and used to say that we would never be one of those polyamorous couples with partners on the side... well...

Last year, I developed a fling with another guy, let's call him Flash, and it turned into a regular thing - not quite romantic, but a bit attached, somewhere above friends with benefits. There were a lot of insecurities we all needed to deal with. Flash had a thing with another woman we both knew - let's call her Sun - and ultimately, it developed into a triad between the three of us, which felt extremely right. I started to read this forum very heavily around that time trying to make sense of what the hell was going on in my love life

All of this was pretty one-sided so far. Now my partner, Captain, has met someone he would like to start seeing a bit more regularly on the side - and yikes, it's also not easy being on the other side of this, even if you have previously benefited from the same leeway...

So I feel like I may turn to this forum for guidance and support a bit more often in the near future

Thanks for reading if you've made it this far!
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  #2  
Old 02-05-2019, 07:28 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Greetings prettylittleriddles,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Thanks for sharing your story, you seem to have had an interesting journey into poly. I think you can get some of the guidance and support you are looking for here, just post and let us know what you need. The Poly Relationships Corner is usually your best bet for getting a good number of responses from a variety of people.

It is hard when you become the one whose partner has found somebody else. I can definitely understand that. Just take things a little at a time, post and read on this forum often, and communicate a lot with Captain. I have high hopes for you, that you will be able to work things out.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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  #3  
Old 02-05-2019, 09:22 PM
prettylittleriddles prettylittleriddles is offline
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Thanks Kevin!
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Old 02-05-2019, 09:45 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Old 02-13-2019, 12:30 AM
MayDecember MayDecember is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prettylittleriddles View Post
. Now my partner, Captain, has met someone he would like to start seeing a bit more regularly on the side - and yikes, it's also not easy being on the other side of this, even if you have previously benefited from the same leeway...
Developing compersion is a skill. Being joyful that the other person is in love, that takes some doing.

Good luck to you in developing appreciation for his nascent relationship.
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  #6  
Old 02-15-2019, 10:01 AM
SarahF SarahF is offline
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Welcome, I am from Europe, too
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