In the garden

I was reading back through my blog (there's an exercise in emotional masochism) and discovered I've actually named Mike's wife before - Therese - so I'll attempt to remember that from now on.

Edit: I've been thinking about it and I'm updating my signature to include Mike. I don't have a particular description for him, but he's such an important part of my life, and has been for a long time, that it feels right.

Mike and Therese definitely needed some time to come visiting. Clearly, him being on holiday (and her being permanently unemployed) makes for a rather contentious household. They are trying to live together nearly 24/7 right now, and it's doing their heads in. He still has all this week off work so I hope the resentment doesn't get too much, they actually seemed to be doing better this year, before Christmas.

Adam has started his work week, which is two days, followed by two nights. I've rescheduled my physio appointment for Wednesday morning so he can take me as I'm still not comfortable driving. I twisted my ankle really badly so I'm not doing very much right now. I've also booked blood tests (a little overdue) to check my B12 levels are satisfactory now I'm taking supplements. And ordered my prescriptions. Sigh. One tick for adulting.

I've also started looking at the paperwork I have to do before I go back to work. I was procrastinating, so Puck stepped in and took control of my motivation. But then it turns out I can't seem to access the shared drive right now so I went and took down the Xmas tree, being 12th night and all. It's my first fake tree, and we got it from the op shop for about $5, but it has no box or bag, so I better do something about making one. That could be a nice, small, sewing project. I'll get some cheap fabric from the op shop on Wednesday.

Today is a bit of a wind storm, and curbside recycling day. The two really don't go well together. There's been plastic, cardboard and cans blowing up and down the street all day. I've done a trip out to tidy up, the neighbour has done about three. It's high Summer here, the grass is dead, the weeds aren't, and the gardener I had a consult with has not got back to me. I even texted this morning and no reply :confused: I want to give them money every fortnight plus extra for when we do big planting or clearing. I hope they get back to me soon.
 
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My Passport Arrived!!!!!





Later today: My Tickets Are Booked and Paid!!!!!
 
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That's so exciting! Your trip is totally going to be here before you know it!
 
OMG yes, will it what! I arrive Easter Sunday, well around midnight that night, and I'll go to a hotel and sleep. Then Puck will join me on Monday afternoon and we'll spend another night in Columbus before whatever happens next. He's in charge of the itinerary (although I'll know it closer to the time.)

Admittedly, life is going to get back to work-normal in the not too distant future, and that will have some other changes attached to it including moving away from Adam :(. But purely work wise, I'm quite excited for this year, my classes are different to last year, so I have new topics to learn. And term one is always chaotic with a lot of co-curricular stuff happening. In this job I have never had such a thing as a quick week (one that has felt fast), even 4 day weeks feel long.

And I have a girl's weekend planned with my best friend. That's mid March.

Today, I have an x-ray at 1 for my ankle and I'll spend the rest of the day and night in Napier with a friend. Her fiancé is away for a few months so she is keen for some company.
 
Ankle isn't broken, but the ultrasound I had a few days later shows I have bid farewell to one ligament, and another is going to need quite a bit of healing time. My physiotherapist has ordered an ankle brace for me, it'll arrive next week.

And so, all the limping around and driving to imaging appointments has totally messed with my back. This week I've had agonising sciatica due to a slipped disc. I finally got to the actual doctor (general practitioner) yesterday and he's upped my antiinflammatory meds and paracetamol intake. He also prescribed tramadol for if I have a really awful day again, but I hate taking that stuff. I miss codeine. I don't get addicted and it simply does the job without the overkill and side effects of tramadol.

So I can do short, slow walking, but mostly I'm to lie on my back with my knees up. Not in a fun way. And I can't go back to work until the 3rd, partly because it's a two hour drive to move back there.

The salt in the wound is my internet connection slowing to such a crawl the provider, after diagnostics, is sending out a new modem. That'll take a best part of a week to arrive. So I haven't been able to have a proper call with Puck for around 10 days and counting. We've also both had very full weekends that have disrupted our usual date calls. I am really looking forward to getting back into that routine, all my routines, when I am back at work. It's been nice having some spontaneous text conversations with Puck, though, and going back to emailing. We've been very spoiled by how much we can talk this last 5 weeks, I'm just frustrated by the pile of current challenges on my end.
 
The ankle brace didn't arrive, but the new modem did so I can talk to Puck again properly. I called the physio and she followed up on the brace, so who knows, two might arrive yet lol.

I'm going to drive back on Thursday (today being Monday) and then have a day few days to recover before having actual classes on the following Monday. I keep telling myself that once I'm moving around again at work then that will help with the healing by now. I cried on Puck a little this morning because I'm so frustrated by all of this. I really wanted to be so healthy for my visit there, but right now it could be a case of arriving in agony because of all of the sitting on the flights. Although if I'm not pain free a month before I go, I'll go see the doctor again and ask about something more effective.

Another thread got me to thinking about my own values around public perception. I have honestly never had a problem with it, although Adam does and we aren't out to his family. I wonder why I'm wired so differently even with a monogamous upbringing. I'd happily out myself as poly to friends and family, and oh the glee I'd take in telling some busybody who thought they had something to tell me, "yeah, I know, it's called polyamory."

It's a little trickier at work since I'm at a Christian school at the moment, but
I'm on a permanent collective contract that doesn't have additional clauses for the diocese, so they'd have difficulty actually firing me - it's not like simply being poly could be classed as "conduct unbecoming" and they have no right to pry into my private life if I don't mention it at school. I probably won't put my trip on any of my other social media (Facebook, Insta) out of courtesy to Adam. We have yet to talk about that. I obviously want a record somewhere, but maybe it will just have to be my google photos account.

I wish Adam didn't have such a conservative family. I guess some of mine would probably freak out, too. Sigh.
 
I'm back in WorkTown and went back to my gym, yay!!!! Sure, I only did 10 minutes on the bike, but it must have been an important 10 mins because my ankle did something ouchy but since then has been less stiff than before. I have more mobility than I did and the pain was only temporary, so I reckon I released (tore) some scar tissue that was preventing the movement. I have promised myself 12 mins tomorrow lol.

I had difficulty with the internet connection today when speaking with Puck. One good thing about dating a programmer, he can diagnose the issues LOL. So he told me what to do, and I took a picture and he's said he'll give me some notes on how to fix it. In the meantime, he gave me tasks today that I could write to him about, which was a nice alternative. I took photos of a couple of places in the town here that have some significance to me. Speaking of which, I hope I heal enough to go back to yoga this Winter.

Adam was at work today so we didn't have a lot of chance to talk now I'm back over here, but tomorrow he is on night shift (he does two days followed by two nights followed by 4 days off) so we should be able to talk during the day. I am hoping to see him as little as two weeks from now after he finishes a course over this side. Then I'm going back in a month for a triad's wedding (sans marriage certificate I suppose since that's still illegal here).

I really need to do some bloody work this weekend. I was shown a good way of organising a set of papers today, so I'll probably adopt it. It means yet another folder of paperwork, but sometimes it really is better for me to write things down by hand. I also have paperwork to do to satisfy some criteria for bureaucratic bullshit that at the end of the day won't ever be seen again.

But all in all, I feel like things are looking up.

10 and a half weeks and I'll be in Ohio.
 
I'm back in WorkTown and went back to my gym, yay!!!! Sure, I only did 10 minutes on the bike, but it must have been an important 10 mins because my ankle did something ouchy but since then has been less stiff than before. I have more mobility than I did and the pain was only temporary, so I reckon I released (tore) some scar tissue that was preventing the movement. I have promised myself 12 mins tomorrow lol.

Man, I feel this in my life right now. leg/feet stuff sucks.
 
I did my 12 minutes, although not until Sunday, because I spent Saturday at work shifting classrooms. My timetable is just bullshit for the spaces I'm supposed to use, here there and everywhere, so I've just taken over a classroom that I'm the only one scheduled into. You'd think they would have made it actually my classroom, but there's this stupid illusion of it being a modern learning environment where it's actually anything but.

I must be worried about work today, I couldn't fall asleep last night and then I woke up a bit before 4.

Obviously, I'm married and have a nesting relationship with my husband and intertwined finances and so on, but living over in WorkTown adds nuances that are both extremely difficult (I miss him a lot, some days overwhelmingly so) and highly liberating. I like not having to factor him in to those small decisions I make every day.

Puck has had a weekend "to himself" too. He went to a convention alone, which resulted in lots of social time and some play time. Our date call gave me a glimpse into what he's like totally away from home and very relaxed. It was joyous! He was having such a good time at the convention I was super excited for him. Con-compersion!

Because it was our date call, things got a bit steamy, and I shed a few tears. Crying after sex was something I didn't do before Adam, and haven't done with anyone else, so I was also surprised. But Puck assured me that he cherished that I could and did, and he teared up himself just a little. It's not the first time - he had tears on his face when we first said words that committed to our dynamic. That was months ago now, and we've grown somewhat accustomed to the power that the authority transfer brings to our relationship, but days like yesterday feel like a giant stride amid a generally walking pace relationship.

I've been falling deeper in love with him recently, and I've felt that reciprocated. It sneaks into the vocabulary... I love you becomes I love you very much. One absolute bonus about LDRs... the NRE is a lot more drawn out.
 
I got told I couldn't permanently use that highly underutilized classroom. My colleagues think that's bullshit. I'll now be teaching statistics in the Chem lab. Fucking seriously???? I'm just loving being back teaching the students though.

I've been so busy at work, and not sleeping, so I haven't been back to the gym. Walking around campus is hard enough. I don't know if I'm healing or not. I know I still really need my pills.

I got to have short video calls with both Adam and Puck today, I'll speak with both of them more tomorrow as we have a public holiday. I'll be at work for most of it doing paperwork, but I'm going to enjoy those conversations. I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm a bit homesick, and I'm counting down until I fly out.

I have no time for personal hobbies right now. I'm going to (have to) later in the year once my schedule opens up a little. I share classes with other teachers but right now I'm taking them all just because that's what works for either our specialties, or because my colleague has other duties that need dealing with at the beginning of the academic year. It will ease up later. Earlier today, Puck noted the difference in language use. I have told him a few times that I'm shattered. He said it took him a few times of hearing/reading it to realise I meant exhausted, not emotionally distraught. I told him about when I first went to Australia, and they say they "have the shits" when they're angry, whereas at least back then, here it meant you were scared. It certainly confused me at first.

Tonight, I really want an early night and good sleep. The first of those is easy.

I'm watching the cricket, NZ vs India and NZ is chasing. I haven't watched cricket in years, largely because it was something I really enjoyed with my significant ex. It broke my heart so much to leave him, but we were going nowhere and definitely better off apart. I love that Adam and I are still moving forward in our relationship and I'm excited for our future. We'll live together full time again one day, with no flatmates! But for now, needs must. Currently having a flatmate means I can save so much more, first for my trip and then for the household. We want to build a significant outdoor living space, as well as getting things like a dishwasher, gas hot water, and climate control. For starters. Oh, and the gardening! The new gardener is doing wonders! I am excited for Autumn planting.

But for now, there's the rest of Summer to get through.
 
"Have the shits" has an even more different, far more literal meaning in the US too.
 
Heh, yeah, Puck mentioned it was far more literal there.


So, I was reading icesong's blog about frequency of sex. I figured I'd write about my current circumstances here.

I think the last time I had sex with Adam was November, maybe? I remember the experience well, it was great. Spontaneous. Loud :p But most of the time he has no interest (and we've talked about it and I'm cool with that.) I don't have the highest sex drive for intercourse, but I do have a fondness for masturbation, which Puck has put temporary restrictions on. We may have to renegotiate that in April because the time difference is making it difficult to ask so I actually end up suppressing my desires even more. But if I really want intimacy with Adam but at a time he's not so interested in intercourse, he's really good about using toys on me.

I'm seeing Magus on Saturday, but unfortunately, he has ED, and honestly, I'm not overly attracted to him physically (although energetically I am more so) so the effort-reward balance doesn't actually stack up for PIV. He's great with his mouth, though. But I also like the other, less sexually kinky things we do, like rope and stuff.

I am picky about sexual partners and don't live in a big enough place that I'm meeting new people (that I don't work with). The last guy I met with a mutual attraction, well, he's just gotten involved in a monogamous relationship. I was a little disappointed that door closed.

So, yeah. I get sex maybe a couple of handful of times a year, including fbs, fwbs and ldrs. Yes, I'm actually really, really good at masturbating. I do miss a body that fits mine with a cock that is effortlessly hard, though.
 
I actually got a video call with Adam tonight. It's so hard. The amount I miss him comes crashing down when I can see and hear him. And to make it worse, we both have shitty internet connections. Honestly, it was better here before it was fibre, but the new router sucks. I've suffered this crap for a month now. I know I need to buy a new one, and payday is next Tuesday.

Day to day, I'm good, I'm strong, I do my job and manage our finances and adult pretty damn well. But tonight, Adam just saw the pain, and I know that's not fair on him. It's probably just because it's been a 6 day week and I'm really tired, but I just collapsed. At least I'll get to spend next weekend in person with him as I'm going back there for our friends' wedding on Saturday (a triad) and then our wedding anniversary on Sunday, although I have to come home that afternoon.

It's strange how life can be both busy and not. There's actually quite a lot happening between now and when I go see Puck, but because it's such a monumental thing, it feels like so much else is on hold until I'm back. Admittedly, some things are on hold until my pay rise finally kicks in, but overall, financially this year is going to be a massive difference, although as fast as I'm trying to save, we're finding ways to spend. Sigh, the curse of the middle classes.
 
Today, I told Golf I wouldn't be available for "golf" for the foreseeable future. The conversation started in text but then we had a phone call to be able to articulate it better. I find it difficult to break off anything, and we do have a type of friendship, but not the one I wanted and he could never offer. And these days, I am someone's priority in a working polycule. Allelujah, I've seen the light LOL.
 
Sunday the 1st is my and Adam's 6 year wedding anniversary.

6 weeks after that, I'm going to visit Puck for the first time (unless travel bans happen!) We talked about that possibility today and both admitted we'd bawl our eyes out, and then make a new plan.

Mid March, I'm spending a weekend with my best/oldest friend. She and I try to get together for a weekend once a year, since we live in different cities. I'm hoping the timings will coincide and I can introduce her to Puck.

But tonight, I got back to the home I sometimes share with Adam, but ironically he's out until late. At least I'll get most of the weekend with him.

Life is steady right now. Some days have work stress, some days are easier. Either way, I'm living in the present almost all the time and that's good enough for me.
 
Warning: discussion of BDSM/Power exchange relationship ahead. If you are not familiar with these, it might be confronting. If it is confronting, you may private message me with genuine questions, but please don't post any negativity on my blog, I will report any negative posts to mods for removal. Thank you.


A couple of weeks ago, my biggest fear about travelling to the States to spend in-person time with Puck was that one of his other partners would suddenly need his undivided attention - e.g. a health crisis or death in the family or whatnot. A week ago, I started getting concerned that my country or airline would cancel my flights, but I figured that if that happened on that level, there would be some ability to re-book in the future since it wasn't me who cancelled it. However, my employer is about to wade into the mix and issue company policy about international travel, even during school holidays (I'm a teacher). The bottom line will be, "don't" and so I am now waiting to get a return call from my travel agent (who doesn't work weekends) to see if there is anything at all I can salvage, financially.

Will this be over by October? Will I re-book for then? Or do I go in my Summer holidays next January to be sure? I guess I'll just have to wait until my travel agent contacts me and take it from there.

I remember last October holidays, Puck was very busy with festival things and other members of the polycule. He's indicated that they will be understanding if that becomes the window that we can re-book for, and I've suggested that I might be able to come to the festival, which he was quite happy about. We'll just have to wait and see.

And now the D/s part. This is a negotiated authority exchange relationship. Puck has authority over a number of aspects of my life (none which adversely impact my marriage or my intimate friendships). The language we employ is that he is my owner. Some who understand authority transfer may still be challenged in understanding how this can work half a world away. It admittedly has limitations, but it works because we communicate with complete honesty. I have things I ask him permission for, and I honour his answer. There are daily expectations I strive to meet. I wear a leather collar when we have our "date" calls, and I wear a "day collar" permanently. This trip to the States would have been my first in-person time with him, as well as my first trip outside Australasia. I'm disappointed on a number of levels and my body is really struggling with the emotions; I cried so hard this morning I dislocated my jaw (I have a "clicky jaw"). To be separated from my owner like this is very, very difficult.

And Puck is grieving this trip, too. He has explicitly said a couple of times that he absolutely acknowledges that it is not my fault, that I'm making the right decision because my career should never be jeopardised (I'd be defying my employer's missive if I traveled). Unfortunately, we can't have our regular long date call this week, or next, as we both have other commitments for my Sunday, but we will endeavour to talk after I finish work during the week.

Or relationship had become very normalised, we were both counting down joyously to my arrival over there, and now we are muddling through our weekends until we can talk again. I feel bad that this is impacting a weekend with one of my metamours, but honestly, I feel worse that our plans have been ripped from us this way. Of all the years to have an epidemic...
 
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I would hope a lack of understanding the dynamics of your relationship wouldn't detract from the fact that having to cancel long awaited plans sucks! I'm sorry for you guys!
 
Thank you, powerpuffgrl, it really does suck. However, I am able to function again today (Sunday). I've been at work from 10-5:30, plodding away on marking, planning and organising (I can finally find stuff I want in the department office, I swear people have been hiding books in various cupboards for years). I still have more marking to do which I have brought home. I needed to have some dinner (although I ate far too much chocolate today) and put a couple of loads of laundry through.

So I'm taking an hour of downtime, watching the Chase, and downing some water.

I will have 6 more months, minimum, to heal this poor body. I had my first deep tissue massage last Thursday, the masseuse growled me for having such damaged muscles, but she will fix them.

And I will stop with the excess chocolate, up the fruit and veg, go to the gym, and get back into my favourite jeans.
 
And now I've cancelled my weekend in Taupo because I've got whatever bug is going around school and wouldn't actually be able to enjoy a weekend away. I'm really sad, though. The silver lining is that my bestie is still going, just now with her mum who lives in our hometown. A lovely surprise for her mum as they don't get to see each other very much since bestie hasn't lived there in probably two decades now.

We'll make a new plan once I'm better. I'm a bit sad though, and I don't have either of my guys around to talk to tonight. Adam's been good about sending me some kind messages this afternoon, and I'll catch up with Puck tomorrow (it's his weekly date night with his longest gf tonight).

I had a present arrive from Puck today, but given the postage on it, that can't happen often, god it's horrific. He obviously wasn't able to send me all of what he wanted to, either :( And although that was a nice thing in a bad day, I don't feel right opening it when I can't be in contact with him, so I'll have to wait until tomorrow. I was so knackered by the time I finished work I didn't even think about bringing home my computer. I will nip out tomorrow morning and collect it (no one will be there as it's a calendared holiday for the whole school.) I should look at setting up ways to teach online in case the govt closes schools here. When they do? It's too early to know. It's been 4 days since our last confirmed case so either it's well contained, or suddenly going to explode.

My decision not to fly was originally one based off my work. Now, just under a week later, there's been enough development that it seems like it's one more way to protect the polycule. I really hope we all make it through the year.
 
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Many, many years ago through work, I met two friends, let's call them Sam and Andy. I had a short but intense fling with Sam, and became friends with Andy. We eventually had our own romp, but that was quite a few years later.

I've come and gone from facebook over the years, sometimes connected to one or both of them, mostly not. But I saw them chatting on Andy's wall today, so I reached out to Sam with yet another friend request and to say hi.

Well, that was awkward lol. I'll make one more attempt sometime in the not too distant future, but it may just be a "let bygones be bygones" thing. Andy has said he'd happily catch up sometime, but Sam I think has had a crunch all too recently, I really can't tell except that his sadness seems to radiate off the screen.

Speaking of which, Puck got some very sad news while I was asleep last night and we were both a little surprised that I knew something was wrong the moment we said good morning. Whatever it is, this thing that we do, it's mighty powerful.
 
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