RoseMartha
New member
Hi! I’m new here, and of course I need advice.
I have two partners. Both are aware of each other, but they are not friends and do not spend any time together. Each relationship is very separate. I have had conversations with both partners about safe sex practices and have come to honest agreements with both of them. My problem today involves only one partner, Tom.
Tom and I have agreed to two things 1. Notification of a new sex partner (which is all that is required, “Hey, sleeping with someone new.”) 2. Use of condoms outside of our relationship.
So of course when I was on the phone with Tom today, he told me he started sleeping with someone new. She is a FWB he’s been very rarely and casually seeing over the past year. This is the first time they've slept together (we both usually like to share/hear details). Tom and I chat some more, he has to go, I hang up. But for some reason I have the urge to text him and ask if he used a condom. Tom says, no, he didn't. He really didn't expect to be sleeping with her, and he’s sorry he broke the rule.
So new sex partner for Tom, cool. I've no problems there.
Tom’s lack of condom use? I’m ticked. It is something we very mutually agreed to. It directly affects my well being. While at least he was honest when asked, he didn't say anything until I asked. He wasn't going to tell me unless I directly asked?? This is the first time it has come up for us (new sex partners), but Tom has been actively looking for NSA or FWB sex opportunities. And he doesn't have a condom lying around?
Now, obviously if I chose to continue my sexual relationship with Tom, we will be using condoms from here on out.
But right this moment, I’m pretty hurt. People make mistakes and all, but it was an agreement between us. He seems pretty flippant about my safety (and his!). If I hadn't have asked, he would have put his unprotected, possibly diseased, P in my V without saying anything. My trust from Tom has taken a HUGE hit. Frankly, I feel like I have been “cheated” on.
I just wonder what others thoughts on this might be? If it’s happened to someone else and how they felt or dealt. It’s hard to talk to my “normal” friends about this. They can’t seem to get the idea out of their head that I’m having some sort of sexy free for all…
Thanks for reading!
I have two partners. Both are aware of each other, but they are not friends and do not spend any time together. Each relationship is very separate. I have had conversations with both partners about safe sex practices and have come to honest agreements with both of them. My problem today involves only one partner, Tom.
Tom and I have agreed to two things 1. Notification of a new sex partner (which is all that is required, “Hey, sleeping with someone new.”) 2. Use of condoms outside of our relationship.
So of course when I was on the phone with Tom today, he told me he started sleeping with someone new. She is a FWB he’s been very rarely and casually seeing over the past year. This is the first time they've slept together (we both usually like to share/hear details). Tom and I chat some more, he has to go, I hang up. But for some reason I have the urge to text him and ask if he used a condom. Tom says, no, he didn't. He really didn't expect to be sleeping with her, and he’s sorry he broke the rule.
So new sex partner for Tom, cool. I've no problems there.
Tom’s lack of condom use? I’m ticked. It is something we very mutually agreed to. It directly affects my well being. While at least he was honest when asked, he didn't say anything until I asked. He wasn't going to tell me unless I directly asked?? This is the first time it has come up for us (new sex partners), but Tom has been actively looking for NSA or FWB sex opportunities. And he doesn't have a condom lying around?
Now, obviously if I chose to continue my sexual relationship with Tom, we will be using condoms from here on out.
But right this moment, I’m pretty hurt. People make mistakes and all, but it was an agreement between us. He seems pretty flippant about my safety (and his!). If I hadn't have asked, he would have put his unprotected, possibly diseased, P in my V without saying anything. My trust from Tom has taken a HUGE hit. Frankly, I feel like I have been “cheated” on.
I just wonder what others thoughts on this might be? If it’s happened to someone else and how they felt or dealt. It’s hard to talk to my “normal” friends about this. They can’t seem to get the idea out of their head that I’m having some sort of sexy free for all…
Thanks for reading!