After 32 years, and having co-habitated with...oh god...too many people, I am still working on cohabitation of any sort. Right now the fellas and I are working on more of a muti-habitation thing...everybody has their own place both so we can get a sense of how we want to live and be responsible for that personally, and for me, so I can invite or be invited into space instead of being there by default.
I realized a bit ago that I have always had a problem living with people, and the best way I can explain it is that I would like the freedom to lock the door, shut off my phone, and be left to my own devices sometimes, without interruption. I have had this briefly at times in my life and now I have it again. Another thing I find is that if someone else offers to take care of things, (dishes, laundry, cooking) I will not argue, and I become rather irresponsible. When I am living in my own space there is no argument about who does the dishes or buys dog food. Also, anything I do for my loves in their space is a gift, not a chore. I aspire to become as conscientious about what I do for myself in my own space as I am when I am doing it as a gift for someone else. Another thing that this does for all of us is ensure that we all learn how to be financially responsible independently.
However; at the same time as CF, C and I are trying out 3 separate households, we are also saving $ for land together. I dream of a day when we save enough to buy land, and help each other build small, private spaces that are in close proximity but separate. Between today and that day, I'm not sure what the arrangement will turn out to be, but I feel really good about the seeds we have planted.
In the present, in this time of change, I feel good about being both at home, and being treated as an honored guest when I visit my loves, and being able to return that to them. Also, my dog is really enjoying all the traveling.
So yeah, don't have this one all the way figured out yet, but I am glad that we are all open to do the healthiest thing for all of us, and be welcoming of change and flexibility when it comes to spending time together, and being supported in having our own space to breathe in when we need it.
-R
Another thought related: Last night, for the first time ever, I think, when Catfish and I were having a hard time communicating, and I lost my temper, I was free to ask him to leave my space so I could collect myself. It felt really good to not have to sit in the bad air that was between us, let the anger subside, and call him when I was ready to have a conversation vs. a shouting match, or sitting there looking to each other to solve the attitude/communication difficulties that we needed to solve for ourselves before we continued talking. When we got on the phone a while later, we had a great talk and had fresh, calm perspective to offer one another. I also used the opportunity of being all riled up to get some housework done, and spend my energy that way.