What are the benefits to being in a poly relationship?

It's amazing to me that I always find exactly what I am looking for on this forum.

Lately I have been feeling that it is not worth it. I hear people talk about how their relationships have grown from being poly....I already had an amazing relationship and we had/have amazing communication. I never looked outside my relationship for any piece that was missing. We both have the ability to love other people and we both knew that from the start of our relationship. We choose to practice monogamy for a long time, 6 years of it, and only opened our marriage up in the last 2 years.

I have had one failed outside relationship that lasted a year and many dating failures. He has yet to find someone that he truly connects with as he works all the time and we are raising three teenagers (ahhh the angst!!)

I find that deciding to date other people has taken focus away from our family; that the inherent stress and complications and constant communication actually detracts from having FUN with our family. Dating is hard and takes a lot of focus....at least for me it does. Sometimes I think that I have better things to focus on...my great husband and our great kids!

Note: take all this with a grain of salt....I have been bummed about poly for a few weeks now...
 
It's amazing to me that I always find exactly what I am looking for on this forum.

Lately I have been feeling that it is not worth it. I hear people talk about how their relationships have grown from being poly....I already had an amazing relationship and we had/have amazing communication. I never looked outside my relationship for any piece that was missing. We both have the ability to love other people and we both knew that from the start of our relationship. We choose to practice monogamy for a long time, 6 years of it, and only opened our marriage up in the last 2 years.

I have had one failed outside relationship that lasted a year and many dating failures. He has yet to find someone that he truly connects with as he works all the time and we are raising three teenagers (ahhh the angst!!)

I find that deciding to date other people has taken focus away from our family; that the inherent stress and complications and constant communication actually detracts from having FUN with our family. Dating is hard and takes a lot of focus....at least for me it does. Sometimes I think that I have better things to focus on...my great husband and our great kids!

Note: take all this with a grain of salt....I have been bummed about poly for a few weeks now...

My opinion: Being poly doesn't mean you have to always have another person in you lives or be constantly looking. The way I see it, is that it means you are open to the idea of another if the person or opportunity presents itself.

Enjoy your family, go on dates with your husband and before you know it, the kids will be off on their own and you will have more time than you know what to do with. Who knows what tomorrow or next year will bring.
 
Sometimes I think that I have better things to focus on...my great husband and our great kids!

I agree with S Neal about polyamory being an openess rather than a quest (or that's how I took it).

One of the reasons polyamory is worth it for me is that it keeps me (or at least seems to) in a constant state of appreciation for the relationship I have. I see so many relationships around me where complacency and taking each other for granted are like a kind of cancer that eats away at the health of the relationship.
 
My thoughts lately are that poly really is shit for most people. I really think that most of the time people need to work on themselves more and then their relationship with ONE person. Adding more people just seems to make blatantly obvious what is not dealt with with the person and then their one relationship. Of course people might think I am referring to them specifcally but I really am not. I am noticing this everywhere right now. I think its the fact that its a change of season... change brings shit with it... which means there is a need to work on stuff.
 
My thoughts lately are that poly really is shit for most people. I really think that most of the time people need to work on themselves more and then their relationship with ONE person. Adding more people just seems to make blatantly obvious what is not dealt with with the person and then their one relationship. Of course people might think I am referring to them specifcally but I really am not. I am noticing this everywhere right now. I think its the fact that its a change of season... change brings shit with it... which means there is a need to work on stuff.

But people tend to come out the better for it at the other end.
 
I think that's the case of relationships in general. I notice everywhere around me that some people are just not good at relationships, be it with one person or more. I guess if you put in more people who are bad at it, the results can be more catastrophic. On the other hand, you might need only one person who is good at it to "train" the others, too.
 
I find that deciding to date other people has taken focus away from our family; that the inherent stress and complications and constant communication actually detracts from having FUN with our family. Dating is hard and takes a lot of focus....at least for me it does. Sometimes I think that I have better things to focus on...my great husband and our great kids!

Note: take all this with a grain of salt....I have been bummed about poly for a few weeks now...

I can see where that would come from Daisies.
The whole concept of 'dating' and all that seems to go with that really - to me at least - isn't a particularly good way to approach expanded relationships.
At from that perspective - of course it steals time ! Any extra curricular activity will have to borrow time from somewhere else.

This is a big part of why we always try to fold someone new into our life as much as possible rather that try to set up separate - and competing - events taking time. And we feel it's more illustrative for someone new to get a feel for what our life and routine are on a given day before drowning in NRE and missing the reality.

GS
 
My thoughts lately are that poly really is shit for most people. I really think that most of the time people need to work on themselves more and then their relationship with ONE person. Adding more people just seems to make blatantly obvious what is not dealt with with the person and then their one relationship. Of course people might think I am referring to them specifcally but I really am not. I am noticing this everywhere right now. I think its the fact that its a change of season... change brings shit with it... which means there is a need to work on stuff.

I agree.

We thought we had a really good, strong relationship.

Opened to poly and discovered how much required work. We've done the work, but not without paying a fairly hefty price...

I still feel poly is worth it. I discovered that my husband is very much poly-wired, and I'm more than happy to support him. I'm still figuring out myself - while I can *see* myself being poly - I also can see myself being mono. So maybe I"m somewhere in the middle?

Overall - poly is worth it if everyone has patience and compassion for everyone else involved in the situation :)
 
As per a recent conversation

DW had said that if given the opportunity (R would not communicate with him; I am no longer dating him as a result), he would thank R. I was a bit shocked and asked him to elaborate and he said that we are so much closer than we ever were--that even we were coasting in neutral and that this has taken our relationship to new heights (a paraphrase of course).

For me, I would add the opportunities to learn--even though two people that I've dated have fallen to the wayside, I learned a lot about them and myself. Not to mention wonderful people in our lives--my boyfriend B and DW's girlfriend K. We would never have known them had it not been for our exploration into poly and they have both enriched out lives in so many ways.

In short, a resounding yes from our camp!!! We hope to be posting more of an update as well as a plethora of questions as our relationships deepen!!!

:)
 
As Tonberry and I mentioned in our blog, one of the advantages is that if someone doesn't feel the same about you as you do about them you can keep a place for them in your life without feeling like you're holding your life still on that hope.
 
On top of what Raga mentioned (keeping a place in your heart for someone without needing to put your life on hold) I think a big thing is the constant support. It's like being part of a big family where everyone cares for everyone and helps everyone through things. When you're used to being all alone even wen surrounded by people, it means a lot to have partners or metamours you can trust, feel close to or just tell anything to.
Also, in a monogamous relationship, you can't ever share the giddiness of falling in love again, or be comforted when turned down. Not by a partner, at least, only by a friend, and as good as friends are, partners allow you to remember that there are people who did love you the way you were, and still do, and therefore you're not defective or flawed when you get rejected. It's so easy to feel bad about yourself when you are rejected, but existing partners allow you to feel more secure about yourself and take things better.
 
the benefits for me being in a poly relationship...good question
i always was a monogamus lady in my relationship with my husband...but somehow felt there was something missing..not for me, but for him...so i told him it would be ok to me if he would find a GF, but that i wanted to be open about everything with that, and that the lady and i would meet eachother, and know eachother.
my husbands jaw dropped when i told him this...he never expected this from me
but i told him, that this would work 2 ways...if i would find somebody myself, i should have his aproval as wel.

he had to think for some time about the proposal i made, and before everybody asks..nope we didnt have a bad relationship at al, and this wasnt something i did to "save" my marriage, because my marriage was and stil is wonderfull.
i just thought this was something that cpuld broaden our world, and since im bisexual, have allot of opportunities for us..

after some time, and allot of talking, we decided to find a pretty lady for him, which we did, and i loked her very much, they had lots of fun together, and i loved hearing his excitement when he got home from her, because i got excited by that to. sadly this relationship ended when she found a BF, who wasnt into poly. at the moment my husband doesnt have an relationship with somebody else, but is perfectly fine with that,and he always says to me, that he is happy because im happy..:)

few weeks later i found my current BF..a sweet guy, single, no time for a steady relationship because of the job he had, but looking for somebody that he could feel like home with, without any attachments. he knows my husband, and they are ok with eachother.
he is my best friend, and we talk to eachother everyday, on msn ,on phone, etc, and every few weeks, we have an evening for ourselves in his house. and when i get home, back to my husband.i feel sooooo loved..and i feel soooo in love with my husband..its strange to discribe

ofcourse, if i would tell people about my BF , it would not be accepted from the most of them..and because my husband and i have a beautifull daughter, we keep it quiet for her as wel...because i think she has to find out for herself what she wants in life, and not being influenced from me and my husband..or being bullied about that from other people.


so..what have i got out of this? a happy husband, who knows that im not jealous if he looks at other woman, and even encourage him if he finds someone cute,
a happy boyfriendm which tells me that he never would have dreamed to sleep with a lady like me, who loves me, respects me, and makes me feel happy, and i make him feel happy as wel.
overal....im a happy happy person, i love my 2 men, and they love me! the 3 of us are happy with the relationship we are in..and thats the only thing that counts!


sorry for opening op like this....but im happy i found this forum, and finaly can tel people about the relationships i have, without being judged...

thanx all
 
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