Ravenscroft
Banned
Elsewhere, I refer to a series of threads that were created to deal with the problems of just one relationship, & a relatively new one at that. I know that everyone means well, but as I read down the latest thread, I increasingly get the impression that word choice is a major negative factor there. Responders contribute to the downward spiral by reinforcing through repetition. So, I thought I'd put out a separate thread for discussion of some thoughts on general semantics & the pile of "poly-related" memes we've accreted.
Word choice certainly indicates how we think, but the words used (& the way they're used) plays a significant role in how we are able to think. If a term is questionable, or doesn't really apply at all, saying it over & over again is a sort of hypnosis or autosuggestion, similar to NLP techniques. It's a major flaw in Romantic thinking, where people repeat "what ought to be" thoughts intending to slide conveniently past "what is" problems without addressing or even acknowledging them.
There's nothing particularly wrong with Romance... except when people use it to override rationality. As a business coach said, "There's nothing wrong with 'fake it 'til you make it' -- so long as you make it or are at least trying hard."
For instance, life partner. Without some sort of binding contract, then that is -- really, both components, "partner" & "life" -- at best nothing but well-intended gassing. (It also implies that the wielder is superior to those of us who settle for mere "momentary" relationships.) Repetition encourages the belief that it is thereby so, without requiring any actual effort, or even that the term be clearly defined so that everyone involved can agree on its accuracy. Whether someone is ACTUALLY a life partner can be determined when someone dies, not before.
In the aforementioned threads, there was extensive usage of polycule. I first heard the term a couple decades ago, referring to our open-poly household, & I felt it's too cutesy when "household" works just fine. It became similar to the Keristan B-FIC, but can refer to an entire intimate network, a highlighted portion of a network, or even polyfolk who share a dwelling but aren't themselves intimate. Nowadays, "polycule" means pretty much anything, & I've seen reference to "a polycule of one" so there ya go. A unicorn-hunter couple, though inexperienced at anything but closed monogamy, can declare themselves polyculized.
The term seems really popular as a PC substitute for "our marriage+1" with an (unfounded) added claim to respectability -- again, that sense that people who don't particulary want to cohabitate are somehow sub-par.
Word choice certainly indicates how we think, but the words used (& the way they're used) plays a significant role in how we are able to think. If a term is questionable, or doesn't really apply at all, saying it over & over again is a sort of hypnosis or autosuggestion, similar to NLP techniques. It's a major flaw in Romantic thinking, where people repeat "what ought to be" thoughts intending to slide conveniently past "what is" problems without addressing or even acknowledging them.
There's nothing particularly wrong with Romance... except when people use it to override rationality. As a business coach said, "There's nothing wrong with 'fake it 'til you make it' -- so long as you make it or are at least trying hard."
For instance, life partner. Without some sort of binding contract, then that is -- really, both components, "partner" & "life" -- at best nothing but well-intended gassing. (It also implies that the wielder is superior to those of us who settle for mere "momentary" relationships.) Repetition encourages the belief that it is thereby so, without requiring any actual effort, or even that the term be clearly defined so that everyone involved can agree on its accuracy. Whether someone is ACTUALLY a life partner can be determined when someone dies, not before.
In the aforementioned threads, there was extensive usage of polycule. I first heard the term a couple decades ago, referring to our open-poly household, & I felt it's too cutesy when "household" works just fine. It became similar to the Keristan B-FIC, but can refer to an entire intimate network, a highlighted portion of a network, or even polyfolk who share a dwelling but aren't themselves intimate. Nowadays, "polycule" means pretty much anything, & I've seen reference to "a polycule of one" so there ya go. A unicorn-hunter couple, though inexperienced at anything but closed monogamy, can declare themselves polyculized.
The term seems really popular as a PC substitute for "our marriage+1" with an (unfounded) added claim to respectability -- again, that sense that people who don't particulary want to cohabitate are somehow sub-par.