SchrodingersCat
Active member
From Page 2
I'm still on Page 1. Could you refer to posts rather than pages? Everyone can set their own "posts per page" and mine is apparently different from yours.
From Page 2
Actually...this is not the best example of that we all make individual decitions. Fluent bonding boundries is THE example of how what another person do, directly affect YOU
I totally agree that even in the most reasonable form of enforcing your own boundaries you are inadvertently coercing the other person. But, the only reason that the element of coercion exists is because you have an incentive. That incentive might be unprotected sex or staying in a relationship or something else but it's viewed as something beneficial to that person, by that person. If you've ensured that your boundary is reasonable and doesnt seek to impede on other people's relationships like "I wish to be told about any unprotected sex. I may choose to use condoms if my health is at risk", it's up to the other person to decide who they want to have unprotected sex with.Boundary: I want to be told if you're having unprotected sex with other people. I will choose to use condoms with you if I believe my sexual health is at risk.
Voluntary agreement: We both acknowledge that having unprotected sex with other people is potentially risky. In our discussions together, we have reached a mutual decision that neither of us is going to do that. If we become close to someone and wish to revisit the issue, we will have another discussion and come to a new agreement.
Coerced agreement: You having unprotected sex with other people freaks me out. If you don't promise not to do it, I'm leaving you / I won't have sex with you.
Rule: You having unprotected sex with other people freaks me out, so don't do it because I said so.
It can be a fine line between respecting your boundaries and being coercive, and sometimes that line bleeds. For example, you might not want anything at all to do with unprotected sex. In that case, respecting your own boundary might require you to stop having sex with someone who refuses to use condoms with their other partners. This might push your partner to agree to using condoms with other people as the lesser of two evils. It's still coercion, but as a side-effect rather than intent.
Problems like these, are a major reason why poly, or any form of non-monogamy doesn't work.
Personally I would be weary of any situation you can describe, be in, or hypothetically imagine, wherein your opinion changes drastically by nothing more than substituting different words in other words semantics
If using different terminology makes the same situation go from unacceptable to suddenly OK, I hope you fully trust the person who just used words in order to manipulate you views
Actually...this is not the best example of that we all make individual decitions. Fluent bonding boundries is THE example of how what another person do, directly affect YOU (and others in the chain), hence ultimately the choices made a joint enterprise. If your fluent bonding partner should fuck someone else without protection (and not telling) and bring home STD's, you can get them, even HIV. They can make someone pregnant, bringing a child into your life. The Bible talks about being one flesh. As fluent-bondedness go, that is close to the medical truth...
And if Butch expected you to participate in BDSM with him, what would your reaction be then and why?I agree with London.
Guess what your husband probably wanted to go to the sex party and knew that due to your issues you would over react.
Oh btw I am very vanilla sexually. BDSM makes me uncomfortable. But I WOULD NEVER EVER tell Butch he could not meet that need elsewhere because I have some major issues with it. Guess what I deal with my feelings and do not take them out on him.
And if Butch expected you to participate in BDSM with him, what would your reaction be then and why?