Why Is it So Hard?

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

That's what she said!

Sorry, someone had to say it.

I have been sitting in mental oblivion so long I totally missed it... now thats scary

good catch

[RexBeckyFlorida]

I guess we have beat the odds twice. Our first single bi female lived with us 12 years until cancer took her from us. After a couple of years we began a new search, found her in Australia of all places. She moved here and lived with us close to 9 years before because her return to Australia. Never look at the odds of finding a SBF, if it is meant to be it will be. It is more about love and caring, then looking for a sexual partner.

[KellyBryan]

@gwendolenthefair So in other words I am SOL??? MMM truly you and others on this site have given me MUCH to think about. I don't mean to sound greedy white whole SWF thing. We want someone to be part of the family, have kids with do what it takes to make is as binding as we can! We live in Canada so the laws tend to be a bit more relaxed ( not by much though). I and a bi female who wants this weather I was married or the other way around so I am sure there must be others out there but from what everyone is saying its either we have sex with another couple of I have a relationship with a girl without my partner. MMM much to think about!

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by KellyBryan

@gwendolenthefair So in other words I am SOL??? MMM truly you and others on this site have given me MUCH to think about. I don't mean to sound greedy white whole SWF thing. We want someone to be part of the family, have kids with do what it takes to make is as binding as we can! We live in Canada so the laws tend to be a bit more relaxed ( not by much though). I and a bi female who wants this weather I was married or the other way around so I am sure there must be others out there but from what everyone is saying its either we have sex with another couple of I have a relationship with a girl without my partner. MMM much to think about!

I think there are more choices than that. Why not just try to socialize in places where "alternative thinkers" hang out, and see what develops? You two might meet another couple. Your husband might a straight woman he's attracted to. You might meet a bi or gay woman, or a man. It seems easier and involves a lot less drama when a couple pursues individual relationships for each other rather than a bi women to be with them both.

[redpepper]

You could also stop thinking you are obtaining someone to enter your family and what you have and start thinking that you will be entering their lives and their family... they will also be obtaining you.

Have you looked at any other threads on this yet? Done a tag search for "secondary" or "third" or and others that you can think of? There are a good number of people who were considered secondaries that were left out in the cold in terms of love taken away, neglected emotionally and abandoned because of the mentality that you are portraying.

I know you have good intentions, or think you do, but you are not obtaining a puppy dog. You are considering joining lives with another who has equal rights to you, is just as intelligent and has a life just like you. I suggest you think in terms of considering what you can give to them when the going get tough (and it will), what considerations and commitments you will have to someone you share a life with, how will you honour the path that they are on and will be on with this.... how you can think of this in terms of stepping outside the couple-centric box you are coming from.

[toralatigra]

As a single, white, emotionaly bi, sexually bi curious female who's actively looking for a couple, I've noticed one thing. Many of the couples out there seem too have very specific demands on who they want as their unicorn. Mostly that they physically are extremely attractive. I'm cute and pretty, but no barbie doll, so I seem to get eliminated as a possibility before they even get to know me. So maybe try to be open to other physical types or looks of women.

I guess I believe that love doesn't come from looks, it comes from how the souls of people connect, yes there needs to be some attraction, but can't personality be attractive?, I find that often times it's significantly more attractive than looks alone.

Ultimately though it comes down to you, we're out there, you just have to be open to us.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by toralatigra

I guess I believe that love doesn't come from looks, it comes from how the souls of people connect,

That is a wonderful belief in my opinion..one that leads to lasting connections

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by toralatigra

we're out there, you just have to be open to us.

hey. Would you be willing to write on this thread about what's in it for a unicorn? I would love to know what would make your heart go pitter patter...

[dragonflysky]

Originally Posted by gwendolenthefair

......The man might even choose a straight woman who could be a good friend to his wife but nothing more. There is a lot more out there than unicorns. Love doesn't always come in the package you fantasize for yourself.

This was the arrangement I had with my former poly couple. She is bi and he is heterosexual. I am a heterosexual female. He and I got together as a "couple" and she and I developed a good friendship, but nothing more.