That makes me feel a bit judged . . . so I ended up feel offended.
Well, you can feel judged and offended all you want, no one's stopping you. Just remember that is a stance you choose to take. If people are direct or blunt in their responses, that isn't necessarily hostility or judgement.
You came here stating that you are
curious and "
interested in the idea and theory of polyamory." So, naturally people will respond to those statements with their ideas and theories about it, thereby giving you what you asked for.
As far as what
I wrote, I merely pointed out to you that sex is not the only focus in polyamory. Indeed, many people have poly relationships that are not sexual at all. Most people will agree that swinging or having "open" relationships are more about the physical, while polyamory is more about the emotional. Now, I say "more about . . ." because there are no hard and fast rules. Many swingers do become emotionally involved with their sex partners, and many polyamorists have casual sex without commitment. But poly and open or swinging are generally considered very different from each other.
I only mentioned that because your initial post focused on how "highly sexed" you and our partner are, and that you're looking for physical excitement. You did not talk about developing a loving relationship, just about getting physical needs met. Therefore, my purpose in responding to you was to encourage you to read about polyamory and to let you know that, in general, most people who live polyamorously want to develop and nurture multiple loving relationships on a level that is deeper than just physical. I fail to see how that kind of information-giving can be construed as judging you. I offered that info simply because of how sex-focused your first post was, and that you said you were curious (which implies "new at this"). In other words, I was being helpful, based on the information given.
An open relationship implies doing your own thing, poly means doing it together.
See, there's a misconception right there. "Doing it together" is not an integral aspect of polyamory. In fact, most seasoned polyamorists here would advise dating separately ("dating" being different from randomly fucking), because couples dating together doesn't often succeed. It can be successful, but only rarely, it seems.
There is a good chance that a forum that focuses on swinging or open relationships might be more appropriate for your needs. But no one here will tell you to get lost (if you abide by the
forum guidelines). There is also a good chance that this forum will be right up your alley. We love talking about sex here. Some of our most senior long-time members might appear, to others, to be more like swingers than poly, in fact. Sex can be an important part of poly, it's just not the main ingredient. And if you know anything about oxytocin and brain chemistry, well... for many folks, it can be a huge challenge to separate feelings from sex.
When you offer information on a public forum, take what you need from the responses you get and discard what isn't useful. It's such a waste of time and energy to get defensive, don't you think? Keep reading here! The
Life Stories and Blogs section is particularly good for opening one's eyes to what is possible in poly.
In addition, since you signed your post "James & Samantha," I would like to remind you that, as per our guidelines, we generally prefer that two or more people who are involved as partners each register separately rather than have one account for more than one person. If you want to continue using one account, then we ask that each of you clearly announce who is "speaking" in each post. So far, it seems that it's been the male half posting, but just thought I'd bring it up now, to clear up any confusion.