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Old 02-07-2014, 12:47 AM
scarletzinnia scarletzinnia is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 127

Veto power is absolutely a norm for some couples. I get that the OP doesn't want to have it at this point in her life. I merely suggested it for the future because I can't imagine she would skip having children with K just because some people in a forum thought she should, and it is possible that K has an issue with retaining relationships with people who don't respect his other partner, the OP. (I don't think we know enough about him at this point to really say that, but it's possible.)

I see veto power as a workaround for people in situations where one partner is too tolerant of partners with toxic issues for their main partner's comfort zone, or has blinders on in general about said issues. It's one way of making the best of a problematic situation. It's not for everyone, certainly, but it works for some of us.
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Old 02-07-2014, 01:01 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,892

Me I choose not to have weak partners.

If either of my husbands developed toxic behaviors tor habits hey would be tossed out of my and my children lives so quick their heads would spin. Neither man would tolerate such behavior from me either. There is no need for a veto power.

There is no need to enforce rules over the other relationship of my partners.
40 something straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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Old 02-08-2014, 08:01 AM
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Myrrhine1 Myrrhine1 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Chicago Area, Illinois
Posts: 24

OP, I think you should be very forthright with K about what was said and what makes you uncomfortable and your fears about your relationship with K being compromised over this conflict.

Veto power is one thing, but your relationship with K matters too. I believe sunlight is the best disinfectant. Is it possible to meet face to face with both K and S to discuss this conflict?
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Old 02-08-2014, 09:23 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 373

I think it makes sense to marry someone you feel has good judgment of character. And its important because someone entering a relationship with a married person shouldn't do with the intent to end their marriage, especially if kids are involved. What's the end goal here? Go for the throat of a family and then somehow you're going to be amazing new step parent material? Not likely. This person told her she wanted to influence an end in her relationship with her husband.
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