Multiple-member relationships? (More than 3 or 4)

Hi! I've been contributing to this web-site for about 7 weeks now, reading with interest other people’s life- and poly-stories, sharing some of my own. But much of what I've read concerns Vs, triads, and (less often) 4-people relationships. Also polys who have various relationships with several people who don’t know each other.

I'd be very interested in reading about larger groups. Not necessarily groups where everybody is sexually active with everybody else (or most of them). But where at least MOST of the people in the whole tangle know and like each other... and especially instances where the whole tangle considers itself “family” – whether you all live together or not. I guess that this would be my ideal, but I can imagine lots of difficulties that would have to be overcome. So I'd appreciate it if those of you with experience could share insights, joys, pains, advice, whatever...

I've written on other threads that “Love is infinite”, but is this just a nice cliché? I hope not.

p.s. Can anybody suggest other tags for this thread? I'm willing to remove one or more of those I've used if you can come up with better ones.
 
I don't know if this counts as what you're looking for, but our little network of people definitely consists of more than 3 or 4 people. We aren't all involved sexually, but for the most part have at least met each other and get along. Some of us are good friends, some not so much, but we're all friendly with each other.

Our configuration is:

Me and my husband (C), who have been married almost 20 years, with two teenagers.

My husband's girlfriend (T) and her husband (G), who have been married about 19 years, with 3 kids.

G's girlfriend (J) and her husband (Z). only married a short time, no kids yet

My partner (CC), who is single and has few other partners, whom I haven't met, or have only briefly met.

I also have a partner who is deployed with the Army right now, but when we were dating, I got along well with his wife (they've been married about 12 years I think and have 2 little kids)

I've also went on a few dates with another guy (still seeing if that one works out) and I met and liked his wife (they have two little kids too).

So even if you only count the one partner that I'm actively seeing right now, that's at least 7 people in the group, most of who have met and get along well.
 
Mono, Redpepper & Derby are involved in a group like that. :) You might PM one or the other and ask if they'll contribute to your thread. :)

Mono is ... mono, RP has him, her husband Polynerdist, girlfriend Derby, a non-sexual boyfriend... her husband has a boyfriend I believe, Derby has a husband who also has a girlfriend...
After that-they'd have to say cause damn if I can keep it all straight!
 
...derby's husband's girlfriend has a boyfriend who has other girlfriends... does he have a boyfriend too?
 
I suppose that some of my interest in this multi-poly idea is wondering if there’s a limit to an individual’s capacity to love. I could pinpoint a time in my life (years before the word “polyamory” got coined) when I had a primary (open) and long-term relationship with A, a longer-lasting but more sporadic relationship (as far as depth of feeling goes, also primary) with B, a NRE-infatuation-obsession relationship with C, a past relationship with D which got restarted at some point after the one with C had ended, a summer romance with E that I would have liked to continue beyond the summer (but it didn’t work out that way, though we continued to write to each other)... and was open to other relationships if they should happen (including several past relationships that I would have been open to restarting if the situation had arisen). As I was – at this point in my life – somewhat of a nomad, these relationships (the active ones) were spread over 4 countries. Everybody knew of my primary relationship with A and A knew of all the others. She had met B and C and I think that she later met D. I think that I can honestly say that I loved all 5 of them at the same time – as well as loving just as strongly other people where there was no sexual element.

But would I – and/or they - have been able to handle a situation where we were all living in close proximity, they all knew each other... and the timetable was a bit more complicated? (For example: D was never in the same country as either C or E (B and D had been in the same country, but at a time before I met A) so there was never any problem – between them – of “with whom does J sleep tonight?”) Would I have been able to “juggle” the time I spent with each? Would any triads or other configurations have developed?

And is there an upper limit to the number of people that you can love?
 
Circle House

For a while when I first started coming here, there was participation on the boards from Selene, who was married to Andulvar and dating Marius, Company, and Thunder, as well as Vegeta and Ariel. I think they all lived in two houses, but then I believe Vegeta and Ariel broke it off (somewhat dramatically, if I recall) and left the tribe.

I have wondered how they're all doing since then. Anyone know them well enough to contact them for an update? They wouldn't know me from Eve.
 
We used to have a group on here that was 3 couples and a dude. So it does happen.

We also used to have a woman on here that lived in a poly house with the number ranging from 5 to 10 people at anytime. Fairly transient.

I wonder how many larger groups have people loving every division. Most seem to be more connected V's or w's than actual stars for example.

And is there an upper limit to the number of people that you can love?

Depends on how you believe in love. I believe there are limitations. Others don't. I romantically love two women very deeply. I would have a hard time finding space, time, energy or even love to include another. But my viewpoint on love is fairly "limited" compared other polys.
 
Here is my take on it. I think you are looking for a hard limit that is person to person. Where you ACTUALLY run into problems with large constellations is the people factor. Your have exponentially more socializing requred with larger groups. Unless someone is dating and keeping it private (which does happen)

As a triad you have 4 relationships
Quad has 7 relationships (maybe more my math is off today)

Thats a lot of freaking relationships and time.. and ALL of it completely within this circle of people. Trying to manage all of those relationships not only become tedious, but almost impossible. Not everyone is going to get along with me... add a 5th person, you end up more complex. Then of course you have friends and family. The time invested becomes... ridiculous. I am a private person, when the hell do I get time for me?... for example ;)

So even if I can, in theory, love endlessly, I sure as hell am not going to love everyone enough to put up with all the metamours involved.

I think thats why and when you run into sizing problems in regards to poly.
 
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Question: Are your motorbike and the cat mono, do you consider yourselves a V, or is it a triad?

My motorbike is definitely mono! She's got a solo seat and only lets me ride her ;) Blasphemy to think anything else.

The cat cheats..I just know it :mad: That pussy is way to big for one person to take care of.
 
Hahahaha....you guys are funny!!

I just wanted to contribute that I have a small circle of lovers and friends. 6 months ago it was quite a bit larger. I did visuals of them (see attached). The more complicated one is outdated, but it shows the complex possibillities and every time you add a person the configuration can change. Look at if for a momement. The Circles/F's are females....the Squares/M's are Males. The purple lines connect people who are aquaintances or friends, but non sexual and the number in the line is the number of years they've known one another. The Green lines connect people who are sexual and the number in the green line is the amount of years they have known one another. -1 means less than 1 year. I'm represented by F1 Idealist in the center!! There are 4 momonagmous people in the group.
The more simple drawing is current. The Red lines connect sexual partners and the green lines connect aquanitances or friends.
I totally believe that you can love many more than 4 or 5 people, but (for me) my love relationships aren't fufulling if we can't have a social life together. And more than just a social life- meaningful connections. That is why my circle has changed. For me, it's more about quality rather than quantity. I'm trying to find a good balance of people that interact well together and that is tricky.
Good luck!!!!!
 

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That diagram reminds me of one I saw a couple of months ago that caused some drama as it was not known that two of the people in it were sexual... turns out they weren't but it caused drama for a bit while sorting it out.

I love how these diagrams tend to be about who is boinking who. The moment that the info was passed that they were in fact not having sex, and therefore not partners some how, meant that a whole chunk of people fell off the diagram and were not part of the constilation. Sex makes all the difference in these things it seems... regardless of saying it doesn't.
 
I can't remember any of their names right now, but we've had a group of 7 people on the forum who were all in a relationship together. It was 3 couples and one individual, so most of them had a primary and weren't with everyone on the exact same level (I believe they went to bed to sleep with their respective other half), but they were all romantically and sexually attached to one another. They were divided into 2 households.

I remember thinking that would be way too much for me! Are they still around these days?
 
I can't remember any of their names right now, but we've had a group of 7 people on the forum who were all in a relationship together. It was 3 couples and one individual, so most of them had a primary and weren't with everyone on the exact same level (I believe they went to bed to sleep with their respective other half), but they were all romantically and sexually attached to one another. They were divided into 2 households.

I remember thinking that would be way too much for me! Are they still around these days?

It sounds like you might be talking about the same group I mentioned earlier, maybe? :
Selene, who was married to Andulvar and dating Marius, Company, and Thunder, as well as Vegeta and Ariel. I think they all lived in two houses, but then I believe Vegeta and Ariel broke it off (somewhat dramatically, if I recall) and left the tribe.

Their blogs are here:
Life In My Circle House
Fun Happens Late
Anatomy
 
They all started fighting and there was some domestic violence and two of them moved back in with their parents. They were all in their late teens and early 20's, so my age-ist remark for the day was that that was some kind of rebellious-experimentation thing.

When I was that age, I kept it simple and called it "fucking my roommates".
 
...derby's husband's girlfriend has a boyfriend who has other girlfriends... does he have a boyfriend too?

My husband's gf has a bf who has another gf who is mono...clear as mud?
 
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Ah, you're right, I'm not sure how I overlooked that. Yes, that's who I meant, and I guess their breakup matched the time I wasn't spending a lot of time on the forums. Too bad things didn't work out. (Although if I can count they're still five?)
 
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