ColorsWolf
New member
This thread is so interesting, so many different perspectives.~ ^_^
The things that many of you are saying I don't consider "limitations" but "circumstances".~
OMG! It's like arguing with my husband when he creates his own definitions to common terms and goes on to berate anyone who doesn't understand this "new" definition. In most cases (examples people were giving), its the circumstances are the reason limits are created - the terms aren't necessarily interchangeable terms.
If you have kids, you can't just float through life without a calendar. My husband tired this and ended up missing events or needing to be in 3 places at once and we all suffered for it.
OMG! It's like arguing with my husband when he creates his own definitions to common terms and goes on to berate anyone who doesn't understand this "new" definition. In most cases (examples people were giving), its the circumstances are the reason limits are created - the terms aren't necessarily interchangeable terms.
If you have kids, you can't just float through life without a calendar. My husband tired this and ended up missing events or needing to be in 3 places at once and we all suffered for it.
*like... *
*like...*
Where the heck is the like button... oops wrong social media site
My life is far too busy to not have a schedule.. I don't go by the book per se. But between work, kids, wife, gf, metamour, fitness, fucking, alone time and general life. I barely have time to piss let alone have much wasted time. I can't float like I used to..
There are people in my life who float.. like your husband. Since I can't control them and don't want to.. I just "do".. I am a doer. If they get left out of things, they either learn to keep up and they get left out. Life is far more simple that way. Luckily they understand and either take part or don't..
I wonder if there are people who have relationships and they actually consider their own preferences as "limitations"?~
Mmmm, don't think she was being judgmental or hostile. Just stating her own opinion, which, yes, differed from the perception you expressed, but that doesn't necessarily mean she was trying to harass you (or anyone else) personally.
To me, she has a point. Circumstances are one thing; limits are another. Heck, even breathing: the circumstance is that we need air to survive. The limit is that we choose to breathe so that we can cope with that circumstance. So yeah, she has fair reason to draw a distinction from how I see it.
As for her calendar remark, lots of people have stated why they personally feel they need calendars and, as in InfinitePossibility's post, that doesn't necessarily mean they're trying to condemn people who don't use calendars. Just pointing out that people tend to have less compatibility if they're functioning by different sets of standards. In order to choose one kind of freedom, you often have to relinquish a freedom you may have wanted to freely associate with some particular other person.
I don't think anyone's trying to force anyone to do anything here, but I do see where some misunderstandings may have cropped up here and there. Yes, we should definitely be able to freely share our experiences, lives, and perspectives without being judged. That means that if one person's experience, life, and perspective differs from another person's, that one person should be able to feel like it's okay to express the difference without worrying that the other person might get bent out of shape over that difference.
A differing opinion doesn't necessarily constitute an attempt to start an argument. One person sees things one way, another person sees things another way. Seems to me that we should be able to interact in a spirit of peace despite that prickly reality.
I know it hurts me when someone thinks I'm somehow attacking them, and yet that's not at all what I'm trying to do. People deserve credit for expressing themselves civilly, regardless of whether our perspectives can all be harmoniously aligned.
And yeah, sometimes someone will inadvertently say something offensive or inappropriate. Which I hope we will all try to be patient and forgiving about. But I don't personally feel that SNeacail is guilty of that error in this case.
Sorry, but I guess I'm feeling a leedle more sensitive than usual today. I'd like to see us all get along a little better. That would be nice.
Respectfully,
Kevin T.
OMG! It's like arguing with my husband when he creates his own definitions to common terms and goes on to berate anyone who doesn't understand this "new" definition.
Okay, you're fine with the thing about calendars, so that's good; no conflict there.
Sir, I do read your posts, I really really do. I mean, not on every thread, but certainly on any thread that I respond to. Unless it only counts as reading if I also understand it correctly? Well, I don't always comprehend things like I should; that's a fact.
Re: SNeacail ... maybe she's drawing a little from her frustrations with her husband, and projecting that onto the thread? I couldn't say.
As for me purportedly trying to create an argument: if I am doing that, then I'm really shooting myself in the foot, because for me at least, arguments are really wearisome.
I don't suppose we could just agree to let bygones be bygones and return our attention to the many good/edifying thoughts people have been sharing on this thread? It's overall been seeming to me like such a positive dialog, I'd like that to continue.
In all sincerity,
Kevin T.
Ah, but what if you're not allowed to pee yourself? See, now you're in trouble.
"My personal boundaries and time limitations are not going to change until something needs to be changed."
I realize this is directed at LR but..Prof and S have a peeing rule too, but that one is more suited to the BDSM thread.
And yes, Kevin, he broke the love rule, I haven't brought it up since: not to say I don't think about it.
I got into relationships with 2 people who started out with very firm ideas about restricting love and emotional attachment. It would seem that time and familiarity has led them to relax these rules as far as I am concerned, but this rule does not seem to be uncommon.
I have personal limits, boundaries, as it were, but they mark the point whereby my needs aren't getting met and so I have to change things in my life. I.don't believe in attempting to control someone else in order for them to be who I need them to be. My partner(s) are free to do as they wish with the understanding that some of their decisions may affect the way we interact. It might affect it negatively. Being free to do as you wish doesn't negate the fact that I expect due warning when something has happened that will change the way we interact. My partner is free to go bareback with anyone he wants without asking, but if he did and then didn't tell me before we had barrier free sex, I would feel betrayed.
So yes, I do have open relationships without limitations. That's why I do this poly thing: it encompasses all the things that I think are fundamental to healthy relationships in a way that you are forced to practice if you want to consider the needs of everyone involved. You have to trust your partners and their partners when you don't limit how they can interact. You have to respect how people need to interact differently in order to form emotional attachments. You have to acknowledge the needs of your metamour if you want partners who focus on maintaining relationships and you don't want to enforce protocols that go some way to guarantee that they do. Putting down limits and boundaries to control the behaviour of others seems like an attractive way of protecting yourself, but really it just sets an undesirable foundation for polyamorous relationships. One that assumes the people involved are going to behave unethically.
. . . I am one with nature and any one who wants to be with me must accept that if they are ever going to be happy with me.~
Honesty, openess trust, peace, and love these things are important to me . . . these "ideals" are important and so I want complete honesty, openess, and trust between all of my lovers.~ I want everyone to get along and to love each other, I wouldn't be able to handle it if my lovers hated each other or didn't even want to be in the same room with each other.