opalescent
Active member
I've been struggling with this very ingrained idea that if I do not have a primary type partner, then I am a failure in a big part of life. Primary type relationship for me does not necessarily mean living together, or mingling finances but it does mean that we organize our lives together significantly, make each other a major priority.
I intellectually know this is not actually true. I have a very good life. I am both lucky and privileged. When the US government is not being run by morons, I like my job. I am so very lucky in my family and friends. I have awesome pets who I adore, TinyDog and TinyCat. The developing connection with Midwest is something else I am so grateful for. My metamour friendship with Chicago is a blessing. I get to see my friends children grow right before my eyes. That is incredibly special. I am very lucky.
But being grateful is not resetting my thoughts and feelings about not having a primary partnership at all.
I cannot get away from feeling that there is something wrong with me in that I don't have a primary partner. It doesn't help that just about all of my friends are partnered up. I'm so glad my friends have loved ones. But it does wear to be the only single person in the crowd.
I don't feel like relationship anarchy is for me. I'm not into hierarchy either but RA just doesn't appeal to me.
So any ideas beyond adopting RA or being grateful to adjust my thinking would be really welcome. My thoughts are definitely making me miserable and I cannot seem to get out of this thought spiral.
I intellectually know this is not actually true. I have a very good life. I am both lucky and privileged. When the US government is not being run by morons, I like my job. I am so very lucky in my family and friends. I have awesome pets who I adore, TinyDog and TinyCat. The developing connection with Midwest is something else I am so grateful for. My metamour friendship with Chicago is a blessing. I get to see my friends children grow right before my eyes. That is incredibly special. I am very lucky.
But being grateful is not resetting my thoughts and feelings about not having a primary partnership at all.
I cannot get away from feeling that there is something wrong with me in that I don't have a primary partner. It doesn't help that just about all of my friends are partnered up. I'm so glad my friends have loved ones. But it does wear to be the only single person in the crowd.
I don't feel like relationship anarchy is for me. I'm not into hierarchy either but RA just doesn't appeal to me.
So any ideas beyond adopting RA or being grateful to adjust my thinking would be really welcome. My thoughts are definitely making me miserable and I cannot seem to get out of this thought spiral.