Feeling hopeful

Sashamarx

New member
I have been married 15 years. We met when we were teenagers. We come from pretty conservative religious backgrounds but we grew out of that mindset years ago. Fortunately, we grew out of it together rather than growing apart. We have been through a lot, but things are good. We have always been very open about crushes, or feeling attracted to other people because it just seemed silly to assume we would never feel attracted to other people. That conversation has grown a lot over the years and now we are at the point where we are both pretty open to idea of opening things up. We don’t want to live the rest of our lives feeling board and limited sexually and we both value deep connections with other people. We have not yet figured out how to go about this because we have been together since we were kids. We have been reading books and meeting other people and it just seems like maybe we can figure out how to make our lives happier and more fulfilling. Being ethical and respectful of others and each other is our top priority. I figure we will take it slow and keep learning from others. For me, it is also important to figure things out as an independent person not just a part of a couple. Looking forward to reading about experiences of others on this forum.
 
Welcome! It’s actually almost surprising to me just how many poly people I know come from the background of either conservative/fundamentalist upbringing or married young or both. (I’m one of them, Knight and I met when we were 16, and my other partner, Artist, was raised pretty fundamentalist. (He got better.)
 
Greetings Sashamarx,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Like you, I come from a conservative religious background, I peeled away from that 15 or 20 years ago. Not long afterwards, I "converted" to poly. So, I can relate to your story in many ways. You have the right idea, you are taking it slow and are doing your homework. Polyamory.com can help, look around on our threads and boards, and don't hesitate to ask any questions you may have. I'm glad you could join us!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

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Welcome aboard!
 
Hi Sashamarx - and welcome to the Forum! I am yet another who was thoroughly indoctrinated into the world of Evangelical Fundamentalism in my youth - so I also very much relate. In my case, while I dismissed the theology by the time I was out of my teens (eventually in favor of a very different concept of the Christian message), the influence of that time continued as a key component of the cultural conditioning that I eventually decided to address after my wife asked me to open our marriage a couple of years ago - ultimately with success as my and I wife are now full on kitchen table poly with our respective partners.

It sounds like you have a very sound attitude going into your exploration of poly - we will look forward to hearing more of your story as it unfolds. We do have a number of experienced poly folks here who are generally friendly and helpful so please do not hesitate to post any specific thoughts and questions that you might have. You are certain to get some honest replies.

Being ethical and respectful of others and each other is our top priority. I figure we will take it slow and keep learning from others. For me, it is also important to figure things out as an independent person not just a part of a couple.

This is a really great start. When couples transition a marriage to poly, it is so important that they remember that their new partners have feelings too! It is very easy to forget that in an effort to keep the transitioning marriage secure as it opens up (been there!) - but people get hurt when we do forget it. And, as you noted, it is about individual relationships. You will have countless long talks, and hopefully support each other in your new relationships - but remember that each of you is dating another individual - you are not dating them as a couple. And even when that is attempted - as in with a unicorn (not the best idea) - you each would still have your own relationship with that one individual (by definition).

Also, glad to hear that you have been reading - I found that to be an invaluable tool as we opened our marriage. Here's a list of some of the best poly websites that you might find helpful: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108191

Best of luck on your journey!

Al
 
Hello and Welcome!

MrS and I also met when we were teenagers (me 17 and him 19) but were NOT from particularly conservative backgrounds (well, his wasn't conservative, mine might have been considered so, but my parents never treated it that way, I never felt it). We have been married for almost 22 years.

Very fortunate that you "grew apart, together"! And that you were on the same page when it came to being "open" about your attractions to others.

I have been married 15 years. We met when we were teenagers. We come from pretty conservative religious backgrounds but we grew out of that mindset years ago. Fortunately, we grew out of it together rather than growing apart. We have been through a lot, but things are good. We have always been very open about crushes, or feeling attracted to other people because it just seemed silly to assume we would never feel attracted to other people. That conversation has grown a lot over the years and now we are at the point where we are both pretty open to idea of opening things up. We don’t want to live the rest of our lives feeling board and limited sexually and we both value deep connections with other people. We have not yet figured out how to go about this because we have been together since we were kids. We have been reading books and meeting other people and it just seems like maybe we can figure out how to make our lives happier and more fulfilling.

The form that YOUR particular brand of poly may take will be different (as all of ours are) based the traits of you, your spouse, and any potential partners you (singular and collective) may have.

Being ethical and respectful of others and each other is our top priority. I figure we will take it slow and keep learning from others. For me, it is also important to figure things out as an independent person not just a part of a couple. Looking forward to reading about experiences of others on this forum.

Learning from others - a great idea if you can swing it! Being "ethical and respectful of others" will, I think, possible lead you to the conclusion, that you should date individually. Figuring this out as and independent person and not part of a couple will help tremendously.
 
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