This is a lot of work. (TP's story, when she feels like updating)

Welcome to my life with the sleeping thing. I feel like an object being passed around sometimes. I love having my own room for that reason. Its my choice who I invite to sleep with ME!

We have a two night Mono bed, one night my bed, four night PN bed split. Mostly as my boy is up stairs with PN. It works, but to tell you honestly? I would rather have a three night Mono bed, three night PN and one night my bed split. I don't feel I can push this right now though. Right now tuesday and another weekend night is with Mono, and the rest is flexed according to what we feel like.

If you ever need to bend an ear about the specificss of this arrangement I am all ears. Sounds like its going well though. :)
 
Thanks, RP. Don't feel like an object, yet. I think it will get better as I get used to the nice new bed, and then on Monday, Mr. A's bed is coming. There will be less of a difference. It is going well. Thank you. I can tell you I think of you often, right now! ("What would RP do?")


In non poly news, my grandmother has been in the hospital, but the doctors said she would be fine to go home in a few days. We got an all-clear, release the breath you've been holding from the doctors this morning. Which was odd, because I'd just a really bad feeling.

Well, I was right. Dad called me at work, not an hour after I got the all clear from my aunt, to say Grandma had gone septic. She's not expected to make it though the night. They've taken her off of her meds, as there's nothing to be done.

Dad and I are flying up tomorrow afternoon. We'll be there for a week. It will be good to see family. Grandma would like that.
 
I'm sorry to hear that TP. My grandmother and then Phil's step father both went into the hospital on Fridays with routine infections (a UTI and what we thought was a stomach virus but turned out to be pneumonia) that went septic the next day and both passed away by Sunday afternoon.
 
I'm sorry for you, TP :( I don't have grandmothers, but I can imagine how it would feel if one of my grandfathers was in that situation. You have my thoughts.

Right now tuesday and another weekend night is with Mono, and the rest is flexed according to what we feel like.

I'm a bit curious here. You say "Tuesday and another weekend night". Do you have Tuesday Weekends?
 
Dad met Mr. A today. Well, technically they met at the wedding, but they were never introduced. Today they were introduced and the four of us chatted for about 45 minutes before Mr. A drove us to the airport.

I can tell Dad likes him, he's just weirded out by the whole situation. It was nice to be ourselves around him. Be normal.

I had to chuckle though. Dad made a bee-line for the security checkpoint when it was time for me to say goodbye to Indigo and Mr. A. Haha. Oh well.
 
A whole lot of little things

Things are still plodding along. Nothing major to report, really, just a bunch of minor stuff.

Indigo and I had some issues last week, spent a lot of the week arguing and bickering and hurting each other's feelings, though it had nothing to do with poly. And we sorted it out. Everyone was certainly happy for that.

I apologized to Mr. A for having to be part of that (as in around us, not actually being involved by us) and he said it was alright. He was bothered because he wanted to help but there was nothing he could do. That's a natural feeling, I suppose. I reassured him that Indigo and I were not on the brink of divorce, just having a rough patch. He seems to carry guilt when Indigo and I argue, as though his existence causes us to fight about things that have nothing to do with him or poly.

I made a huge mistake last week also, which wasn't the cause of our arguments (I don't remember what was, to be honest, just a bunch of things, I suppose), but certainly caused a problem. For some time now, I have been unhappy with my IUD. When I first got it (2 years ago) until probably the last 6 months, I would occassionally get a heavy period. I'd never experienced these before; they came with absolutely crippling, mind-bending cramps, and disgusting amounts of blood/debris. It was awful. But it was worth it, because it didn't happen very often, and I loved the natural ebb and flow of libido that my IUD allowed.

However, in the last six months, just about every period has been awful like this. They last nine or ten days. I go through tampons like MAD. My cycle is 27-29 days long, so when you're spending up to ten of those days bleeding, well UGH. Also, Mr. A is very uncomfortable with blood. I mean even at the light beginning and end, not just the heavy middle, when I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone either! (Indigo is fine with light period.) It's just stressful all around.

So, it suffices to say that I need to find another birth control method. And that upsets me a LOT. I felt so flat on the pill. No change in libido. And when I was trying to find the right pill previously, I was very sensitive to them, and ended up on one of the lowest doses. Because of this, I think I will need to rule out any sort of hormonal implant; they seem to come in one-dose-fits-all. Which they don't. I will check with my doctor, but I am not hopeful.

Indigo and Mr. A were both aware (very, very aware :p ) of my IUD issues. But I was avoiding talking about switching because I wasn't even ready to admit to myself that I was thinking seriously about it. At one point, Mr. A asked what was wrong (I was thinking about this, and he could tell something was up), so I just told him what I'd been thinking about and how I felt, and that I didn't want to switch, but it looked like I would have to and I would likely go with the pill. He asked a couple of questions about the pill, and my use in the past. (He's had bad experiences with past girlfriends not taking it reliably, or one who decided she wanted a baby and did not tell him. Thankfully she was not successful.) I answered, and that was pretty much the conversation. It honestly dropped out of my mind for a week.

I'm pretty sure you can see where this is going.

Of course, and I don't even know how, my birth control came up jokingly in conversation amongst the three of us. Mr. A made an offhand comment about me switching, and Indigo did a double take while I went, "Oh fuck." He was pissed. And of course he was. I would be too, if it had happened to me. It doesn't matter what was going on for me, or that I was still processing and Mr. A just "caught me" at it and was simply in the right place at the right time. I fucked up.

There was much explaining and much apologizing and it's fine now. But, yeah. Something that should have been so frickin' obvious, that everyone needed to know what was going on, completely slipped past me because of how I was feeling. Annoying and frustrating. Lesson learned.

Speaking of things I've learned, Indigo has kindly shown me that sleeping with a partner (actually sleeping) is just quality time. I was viewing it as totally separate, an activity that needed to be divided equally, but something felt wrong about that and I couldn't figure out why.

Let me explain.

Mr. A has a different work schedule than me and Indigo, currently. So, Indigo and I have a good amount of quality time together, without Mr. A, because of these disparate schedules. Conversely, I have much less time with Mr. A because of our schedules. When he gets home from work, we are both generally ready for bed.

The gents were doing a lot of, "It doesn't matter who you sleep with, you pick." This was tearing me up. I was missing Mr. A and wanted to sleep with him more, but I thought I needed to keep everything even, causing tons of guilty feelings for not wanting to spend equal sleeping time with both men. Then last weekend, Indigo said, "You know, we've had a lot of quality time together today. Why don't you sleep with Mr. A?" And I was all, "But I slept with him last night!" And he was all, "So? Sleeping is just quality time and you haven't had any with him and we've had lots."

And my mind was blown! This was how I felt about sleeping, but didn't even realize it!

Now I'm sleeping less with Indigo, but I feel much better about the balance, and he reassures me that his needs are met before I spend "extra" nights with Mr. A. Just another example of the difference between equal and fair, I suppose!


Anyway, that's me for the last while. :)
 
So, it suffices to say that I need to find another birth control method. And that upsets me a LOT. I felt so flat on the pill. No change in libido. And when I was trying to find the right pill previously, I was very sensitive to them, and ended up on one of the lowest doses. Because of this, I think I will need to rule out any sort of hormonal implant; they seem to come in one-dose-fits-all. Which they don't. I will check with my doctor, but I am not hopeful.

I've had the worst experience of the pill, and thus was adamant with my doctor that I didn't want to try any of those ever again. I thought my only option was copper IUD, but was reluctant since I have painful, heavy periods as it is. The doctor recommended a hormonal IUD. I was VERY sceptical at first because I had such a bad reaction to the same hormone before, but she assured me that the effect is very local, and that IUD releases a few percents of the dose that I was putting in my system when I was taking them orally. It shouldn't have a drying nor libido-flattening effect, and is used as a treatment for painful, heavy periods, so I'm hopeful :eek:. Also, it has about the same effectiveness as female sterilization in preventing pregnancies.
 
I've had the worst experience of the pill, and thus was adamant with my doctor that I didn't want to try any of those ever again. I thought my only option was copper IUD, but was reluctant since I have painful, heavy periods as it is. The doctor recommended a hormonal IUD. I was VERY sceptical at first because I had such a bad reaction to the same hormone before, but she assured me that the effect is very local, and that IUD releases a few percents of the dose that I was putting in my system when I was taking them orally. It shouldn't have a drying nor libido-flattening effect, and is used as a treatment for painful, heavy periods, so I'm hopeful :eek:. Also, it has about the same effectiveness as female sterilization in preventing pregnancies.

Ah thank you, BU. I am overdue for a physical, so I will be talking about everything with a doctor shortly.

Actually, I was thinking about you, because well, I had a herpes outbreak last week. Haha. Flattering, no? It just always seems to happen when I talk about it, like on your blog. Very weird. And it had been sooooooo long (a year and a half) since it had happened, too! Ugh. It's really contributed to general feelings of unlovableness over the past couple of weeks, what with my period happening at the same time. Probably didn't help the arguing with Indigo one bit.

Luckily, I caught it at the "tingly" stage, and got drugs fast enough to stop any sores from coming up. Still. Ungh.
 
I've got nothing for you on the relationship stuff, but I use a non-hormonal IUD and a menstrual cup, and that makes heavy periods much more bearable for me.

The literature cautions against using IUD/menstrual cups together due to risk of expulsion. It is a risk. My GYN and I think it's a reasonable risk in my case, becuse my strings are cut flush (actually they've disappeared by now, the thing moved up a couple of millimeters in my uterus and the strings are no longer palpable at all) with my cervix and the cup can't really pull on them at all that way.

There are two basic types of menstrual cups - the regular menstrual cup, and the soft menstrual cup. I use both, but they're completely different and I use them for different things.

The regular one (I use the Diva Cup brand) I use for the majority of my period. I don't have to worry about leaking, and I regularly forget I'm on my period when I'm using it. I empty it in the morning and at night, and sometimes once in the middle of the day. It's LIGHTYEARS more comfortable than a tampon or pad.

The soft cup (I use the Instead brand, sold at Walgreens) is designed totally differently - it's a ring with a plastic membrane pouch thingie. It's not very reliable for daytime or overnight wear, as it frequently leaks. However, it has a distinct advantage in certain situations over the other in that it can be worn during intercourse. It prevents all the bloody mess during intimate situations, providing that you've emptied it recently and don't have an engorged pouch of blood hanging around in there.

Menstrual cups squick a lot of people out, but it's worth looking into, in my experience and opinion. There are lots of brands and lots of informative websites out there. (Of course, you might already know all this, but it's a relatively uncommon form of menstrual hygiene, so I figured it's worth mentioning.)
 
Good luck with everything, TP. Seems like you had a rough week, but I'm glad things are better now... Can't help you about the birth control though, sadly :S
 
I've got nothing for you on the relationship stuff, but I use a non-hormonal IUD and a menstrual cup, and that makes heavy periods much more bearable for me.

The literature cautions against using IUD/menstrual cups together due to risk of expulsion. It is a risk. My GYN and I think it's a reasonable risk in my case, becuse my strings are cut flush (actually they've disappeared by now, the thing moved up a couple of millimeters in my uterus and the strings are no longer palpable at all) with my cervix and the cup can't really pull on them at all that way.

There are two basic types of menstrual cups - the regular menstrual cup, and the soft menstrual cup. I use both, but they're completely different and I use them for different things.

The regular one (I use the Diva Cup brand) I use for the majority of my period. I don't have to worry about leaking, and I regularly forget I'm on my period when I'm using it. I empty it in the morning and at night, and sometimes once in the middle of the day. It's LIGHTYEARS more comfortable than a tampon or pad.

The soft cup (I use the Instead brand, sold at Walgreens) is designed totally differently - it's a ring with a plastic membrane pouch thingie. It's not very reliable for daytime or overnight wear, as it frequently leaks. However, it has a distinct advantage in certain situations over the other in that it can be worn during intercourse. It prevents all the bloody mess during intimate situations, providing that you've emptied it recently and don't have an engorged pouch of blood hanging around in there.

Menstrual cups squick a lot of people out, but it's worth looking into, in my experience and opinion. There are lots of brands and lots of informative websites out there. (Of course, you might already know all this, but it's a relatively uncommon form of menstrual hygiene, so I figured it's worth mentioning.)

Thank you for the input! I have used the Diva Cup before. Gave it a good go for about half a dozen cycles. I found it to be unreliable overnight and during strenuous physical activity. And I'm not squeamish about getting "up in there" or anything (I have had to re-position my IUD strings when they shifted and started poking penises.), so I think I had it right. The other issue I had with that cup was that by the end of my period, my labia would be very irritated from the cup's ridged lip going in and out, despite how I pinched or scrunched it to get it in. Hell, the thick ring at the base of a condom is irritating for me. So, it was ... uncomfortable, to say the least!

With the soft cup ... well, I'd be hesitant because I like my sex, um rough. I like having my cervix bumped (smashed) and that kind of force on something that's preventing my period from spraying across the room (okay, maybe a little hyperbole here), well, makes me a little untrusting.

But hey, if it's cheap, might be worth a try. :)

ETA: Actually, just looked at the Diva and that's different from the one I used. Can't recall the name at the moment. But it was a firmer rubber. Maybe Diva would not be so irritating, though I'd still worry about leakage, given past experience. At any rate, if I go pill or some other light hormonal birth control my period will lighten/cease to exist, so the period problems will become a non-issue for me. By comparison, I used to be able to wear regular tampons through my entire period before and on the pill, whereas now, at the heaviest flow I'm going through a super plus tampon every 2 - 3 hours.
 
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Good luck with everything, TP. Seems like you had a rough week, but I'm glad things are better now... Can't help you about the birth control though, sadly :S

Thanks. :)

And I have been following your happenings, I just have nothing useful to contribute, other than general well-wishing and hoping things smooth out for you. :eek:
 
Actually, I was thinking about you, because well, I had a herpes outbreak last week. Haha. Flattering, no?

Ooh, I'm super-flattered to be in your thoughts at all :p! And also vaguely amused by the fact that from now on, whenever you think of herpes you will be thinking of a black horse with a horn sticking from its brain :eek:.

It just always seems to happen when I talk about it, like on your blog. Very weird.

Sympathetic magic, I tell you. You speak about something and it happens. I'm occasionally convinced that if I write about a new development on my blog, especially if it's a positive one, that I will surely jinx it.
 
Thanks. :)

And I have been following your happenings, I just have nothing useful to contribute, other than general well-wishing and hoping things smooth out for you. :eek:

Thanks :) Yeah I guess there isn't much to say about my issues... You know how it is, you always hope everyone else will know what to do when you don't :p

About the cups, I used the mooncup first. It had a very wide outter edge and not a huge amount of room (it was the smaller size of the two). I got a Diva, the big size, and while it can contain way more, it also is less wide (just becayse there is a ridge on the mooncup for no reason that I can tell, making it wider without it being able to contain any more liquid. Kind of pointless).

There are lots of brands nowadays, if you're interested in looking into it you might find something that works for you. Personally I find it's a peace of mind, as I'm not really counting days or anything, and it's easy to carry so I can have it whenever I happen to need it.
It does leak at night but I wear a cloth pad for that and it hasn't been a problem.
No experience with the soft cups though. But also not much experience with guys who mind periods, so... never needed one >.>
 
However, in the last six months, just about every period has been awful like this. They last nine or ten days. I go through tampons like MAD. My cycle is 27-29 days long, so when you're spending up to ten of those days bleeding, well UGH.

I can totally relate, but mine is a combination of things including age :rolleyes:. Don't just assume it's the B/C, have the doctor do an ultrasound or other scan to check for fibroids and other stuff. I already know I have fibroids, I'm just not willing to do anything about it, including hormones of any kind right now and no money for major medical procedures to have them removed. For me it's not dangerous, just a PITA.

whereas now, at the heaviest flow I'm going through a super plus tampon every 2 - 3 hours.

I use the diva cup, which I discovered lets me go almost twice as long as a super plus tampon. Right now I would kill for 2-3 hour intervals, I have about a 18-24 hour streach where I have to empty the diva cup every 45 minutes. During the day is annoying but doable, overnight kills, no sleep because I'm up every hour with massive leakage :eek:.
 
Hmm, well I think the SoftCup could be worth a shot. It's about... hmm. $8 or so for a box of 12, if I recall correctly. They're not supposed to be reusable, but I usually keep one throughout a period for using during sex, I just wash it between uses and inspect for leaks etc.

I tend to have cervix-smashing sex, myself, so... LOL. Granted, there are plenty of variables, and your situation might be different, but I don't have leaks even though my cervix regularly gets bumped. (I do generally make sure I empty it or put it in right before sex, though, as I'm paranoid of bumping against a plastic pouch full of blood. :p)
 
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