Inyourendo
New member
Poor J says she's given up on dating. She says no one wants to date her, only wants to come over and fuck. I wonder what it is that is attracting those kinds of men?
My husband used an alias on OKC when he had a profile (b/c of concerns of being outed), do most people do that?
My husband used an alias on OKC when he had a profile (b/c of concerns of being outed), do most people do that?
What kind of an alias?
I am very out there online. My photo is linked to multiple local poly groups on meetup and fetlife, and I have multiple recognizable photos on OKC. It really wouldn't make much sense to deny it if confronted.
Most people on online dating sites don't use their actual names as usernames for the sites. I would think that is the logical thing to do. It's not just about hiding what you do, it is about staying safe on the internet, from identity theft and other possible crimes and mayhem. I always wonder what people are thinking when I come across the occasional username like FirstnameLastnameZipcode. It's like asking for trouble!
I don't say this to be alarmist-- when my relationship with a co-worker was discovered (we are both married, but are able to fraternize under our company's 'fraternization policy') we were both nearly fired because of the dissaproval of some key people in the office. The way it is, I lost any opportunity for a raise, and feel that my opportunities for growth at my office have all but disappeared.
I set up an OKCupid profile yesterday. I've never tried meeting someone online before, so it seems really sketchy to me and it makes me feel fairly anxious. That said, I'm willing to give it a go. I've had a ton of messages and while that is somewhat flattering, they've already got me discouraged.
SO many are from guys who don't match up with the open relationship idea but yet who are contacting me. When I message back to say I'm not interested, I get back garbage about how they weren't looking for a long-term thing (though that's what I said I wanted) and they'd be willing to pay for a hotel. They're really blunt, obnoxious and demeaning. Hey, I might be poly but that doesn't mean I'm promiscuous, much less wanting to bang self-entitled jerkfaces.
My question is - how can I tweak my profile to get a better caliber of responses? I did have one really good chat session with someone yesterday, but they live so far away! I'd link to my profile, but I'm not sure if that is allowed here. Any help would be appreciated.
I'm trying online dating for the first time in my life, and I need a little help with "netiquette." Some is generic to any online daters, but for numbers 3 and 4 I need people on this board specifically:
1) How long do you message someone online before it should move into telephone/skyping/meeting depending on which you prefer?
2) If you are not particularly physically attracted to someone's pictures, but not repulsed, is it worth it to meet in person? She would be driving for a few hours to meet with me, so I'd hate to have her come and then I'm blasé about her. I have no intention of getting with anyone unless I'm feeling Passion with a capital "P."
3) My profile explains I'm married, husband knows I date outside the marriage, but he will not be involved. The woman I'm talking to has a long-distance boyfriend who allows her to date women. By about our fourth message, I decided to give her the gritty details of my level of experience in bisexuality/non-monogamy, and my current arrangement with my husband. I wanted to make sure the situation was acceptable to her so there'd be no misaligned expectations. I asked for details about her level of experience with women and open relationships. Now I'm wondering if I should have waited to discuss all that until AFTER we were fairly certain there was an attraction. I'm worried that saying so much so soon projected a level of intention I don't necessarily feel (like I'm definitely wanting to have relations with this woman.) Thoughts?
4) I don't want to lie on my profiles. But I feel embarrassed putting my own income, which isn't much, so I put my household income instead, which relies on my husband's salary. Without him, I'd be near poverty level. I love the work I do, but it's not a big money maker and comes with zero benefits. So...my salary or my household salary? Remember, these women are dating me only. Husband will have no involvement (his choice.)