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  #1331  
Old 03-05-2018, 03:03 PM
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Well, his surgery went well. His recovery is going fairly well. Day one, when the anesthesia started wearing off, by the time we got his prescription filled, it was starting to hurt quite a lot, and he took his meds and then felt better. Day two, he thought he didn't need pain meds at all anymore, though I had him take ibuprofen. He went to the weeky D&D game with his Dad. Day 3 (yesterday) he has some swelling going on, and more pain than the day before. We're limiting the hydrocodone, alternating it with ibuprofen, about every 6 hours or so (which is more than the "every 4 hours" we were told we could do.) About 3 times a day basically. He has all the soft foods he could want, but has mostly been eating Jello, chicken broth with smoked gouda cheese melted to a liquid in it for flavor (which is pretty delicious) and cottage cheese. He's enjoying the grape juice. No nausea, but between the antibiotic they have him on, and the grape juice and soft diet, I imagine he's going to be dealing with some diarrhea but he hasn't complained of it thus far.

I think he's doing pretty well, overall.

He doesn't have sockets exactly, he's got incisions, and they are not stitched up. It's pretty freaky looking in there. And he was a little loopy coming out of anesthesia, but nothing funny enough to be worth taking video of, which is good since I didn't bother. When I came in, he was attempting to explain to the nurse that some high school classes are worth college credit, and he thinks his middle school speech class should have been, "But...ugh...I suck at poetry." (I'm not sure that a middle school speech class was ever going to be worth college credit, and I'm also not sure what poetry has to do with anything, so that was slightly odd.) Between the gauze in his cheeks and his general state of wonkiness, a lot of whatever he was mumbling about was impossible to even understand. At one point in the car, he yanked his glasses off his face, and loudly declared, "Nope!" He later said he was experiencing a little dizziness and blurred vision.

We have a follow up appointment on Thursday, and they said he'll be using a syringe and saline rinse to keep it all clean back there for another 4-6 weeks after that, so I guess maybe we'll celebrate his 19th birthday before he goes off to Job Corps after all. It's ok. I want to make sure we see him through this and he's pretty well healed before he goes anywhere.

I didn't really do much social stuff this weekend, since I had planned to be home with Ninja in case he needed me. I did go to a discussion thing at a friend's house yesterday for a couple of hours. Spent plenty of time with Zen, had a pretty relaxing weekend.
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Zen Sadist late 50's, M - Sadomasochistic Top, Lover, Nesting Partner. My all around wonderful Man Person.

Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad from August 2015 to July 2016. Still dear & loved friends.

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Ninja- 19, Son
Q- 16, Son

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  #1332  
Old 03-07-2018, 05:38 PM
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The boy seems to be healing well. We've got his follow up tomorrow.

I forgot my cell phone at home, which is very annoying. I'm going to have to run home on my lunch break and fetch it. I feel uneasy without it, mostly because it's the one number I give to everyone to reach me, and if one of my sons had an emergency of any kind, that's the only way they would try.

So had a funny sort of thing happen. A woman who was my mother's friend when I was a child got in touch with me recently through Facebook. For some reason the two of them remind me in my memory as slightly similar to Patsy and Edina from the show, Absolutely Fabulous. Though they weren't that sloppy, but this friend ("Edina", the blonde) was a lot of fun to be around and could be pretty wild. I remember going with the two of them to some bar/restaurant late one night and she started a little food fight with the peanuts, and I thought that was great fun. And she convinced my Mom and I to go break into an abandoned house in our neighborhood and snoop around. It had been vacant a long time and it was boarded up. She was making up stories about murders happening in there and such as we crept about with flashlights.

Well, it seems she married a plumber and became "respectable." For some reason my mother had thought she was dead, but no, she just had been very much out of touch. Her Facebook profile is all God, guns and USA so I'm not sure that we will have a whole lot of common ground. Still, nice to know she's doing ok in life, I suppose.

My younger son had a very pleasant orchestra concert last night. As soon as I get Ninja off to Job Corps, I need to get Q into private viola lessons, as he has tried out for Chamber orchestra and believes he'll get in, and private lessons are a requirement to be in Chamber. He'll also be required to compete to be in Pikes Peak Honor Orchestra and other such things, so it is a bit more demanding than what he's been doing.
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Spork 39 F
Zen Sadist late 50's, M - Sadomasochistic Top, Lover, Nesting Partner. My all around wonderful Man Person.

Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad from August 2015 to July 2016. Still dear & loved friends.

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Q- 16, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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  #1333  
Old 03-08-2018, 02:55 AM
powerpuffgrl1969 powerpuffgrl1969 is offline
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I wish for more Ab Fab. The first time I watched that show I almost peed myself.

Sweetie; Darling. Sigh.
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  #1334  
Old 03-08-2018, 02:54 PM
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I wish for more Ab Fab. The first time I watched that show I almost peed myself.

Sweetie; Darling. Sigh.
Yeah, I'm just glad (and honestly, surprised) that Red Dwarf has had such longevity. There's at least one season of that now, that I haven't even seen.

Gotta love British TV...
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Spork 39 F
Zen Sadist late 50's, M - Sadomasochistic Top, Lover, Nesting Partner. My all around wonderful Man Person.

Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad from August 2015 to July 2016. Still dear & loved friends.

Blood:
Ninja- 19, Son
Q- 16, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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  #1335  
Old 03-08-2018, 04:02 PM
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Well, crap.

I just got an email from Q's orchestra teacher, that he did not make it into Chamber. He took for granted that he would, because they have more open seats than they had people who auditioned.

The email emphasized the need for private instruction in order to make it in Chamber, and we haven't been able to afford that. I have been telling him I would make it happen as soon as his brother is out of the house; I had, late last year, planned to get him lessons but then a number of significant expenses cropped up and stressed my finances.

Both boys needed new cell phones, and new glasses, and though Old Wolf paid the lion's share of the expenses related to Ninja's wisdom teeth, there are bills coming in from our regular dentist, and my van's registration is due... It's frustrating. I often feel like just as I start getting to a slightly comfortable place with money, stuff pops up all over the place.

But honestly, I am also guessing that Q may not have given the audition his best effort, because he assumed that given the open seats, they'd take him.

I would bet he's going to be talking about dropping out of orchestra altogether next year. He doesn't feel that the group he plays with now are very good, and he gets frustrated that he wants to be with a better group. But it's pretty classic of him that he wants to get the prestige of some sort of elevated status without necessarily putting in the work and commitment. He does a thing of thinking that if he IS good, if he HAS personal value, then he deserves reward...being so fixed on these value judgments of his self that he doesn't see the importance in his actions and choices. It's a problematic mindset his father struggles with, too. The root of his ongoing complaint that I never "wanted him." That's nonsensical to me. It isn't that he was of low value and I did not want him, I did not want the actions, the behaviors, the attitudes. Things he could always have chosen to do differently.

This sort of thing is a lazy mentality in my opinion, one that absolves a person of responsibility, and I am not sure how to correct it.

These Libras, I swear...
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Spork 39 F
Zen Sadist late 50's, M - Sadomasochistic Top, Lover, Nesting Partner. My all around wonderful Man Person.

Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad from August 2015 to July 2016. Still dear & loved friends.

Blood:
Ninja- 19, Son
Q- 16, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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  #1336  
Old 03-09-2018, 02:58 PM
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I was experiencing some frustrations yesterday, and I'm having some more today...mostly I'm aggravated with Paypal at the moment. I switched banks, I linked up my new bank info and tried to delete my old bank account, and Paypal won't let me delete it. Gives me an error saying that there's a pending payment and I need to try again later. Been doing this for weeks. And I set my preferred payment method to my new account, and changed all of my billing agreements with 3rd parties to charge to my new account, and last night I bought my son an app on Google Play, and it charged to my OLD account, which should not be linked to anything. Went into Paypal this morning, and while my new account was still set as "preferred", Paypal wasn't treating it as such, all of my billing agreements were set back to "Paypal Balance" (which is usually zero) and in the case of zero funds, instead of charging my "preferred" (new) account, it's still charging my old one, which I still cannot remove.

I'm so frustrated you guys. I had issues with them before, with an email address that apparently used to belong to someone else, and funds that were supposed to be sent to me, but got sent to this mystery person with the same last name as mine, and now this. I'm going to have to call them, and they've got a history of being really uncooperative with me.

Also, I'm trying to print a coupon for a favorite restaurant and my work's printer doesn't seem to want to do it for some reason now.

Is Mercury in retrograde or some bullshit? What's going on here??

But...I did get a raise at work yesterday, so that does not suck.

Predictably, last night, Q said, "Oh, and I didn't make it into Chamber Orchestra, and my teacher basically told me I suck, so I'm dropping out of orchestra." I said, "I am very sure he did not tell you that you suck. What exactly did he say?" and Q said, "Well, he said I wasn't good enough for Chamber, but he put some freshmen in there, so obviously he just hates me. It's fine. I devoted years to this instrument, and I get no gratitude. I'm done." See, as I said, brushing aside questions of what he DID, of choices made in terms of really practicing for the audition and giving it his best, he's made this instead into a matter of value judgments. Not, "I did not DO good enough" but "I'm NOT good enough." It is always crap like this with him. And with his Dad, though I didn't say so.

I really hate to think how he's going to cope with life, with things like not getting jobs he applies for, with things like romantic rejection, which are the kinds of experiences everyone just HAS in life, if every time he defaults to, "You think I suck. I quit. I'm just not gonna try anymore! The whole world is against me, no one appreciates me!" I've tried very hard over many years to push back and give better ways of thinking to my kids. Ninja has absorbed some of it, but Q still looks up to his Dad (though how and why after the abuse he suffered, is hard to understand) and emulates many of his mindsets. I'm just beyond tired of it. I'll try to talk Q into sticking with Orchestra, I'll be very sad if he quits, but I don't know if I'll succeed. And honestly I don't know if he SHOULD stick with it...for his own sake I'd say, yes. For the sake of the other students, I'm not sure. I think they sound beautiful, but he is hyper-critical. He thinks he's better than the rest of the class, more or less, and deserves to be in Chamber. (Value judgments, remember) and as he relates to the other students, he looks down on them. He can be a godawful judgmental snob sometimes.

It's like the Honors classes. He wants to be in them, because he thinks he's better than other students, and wants to be ranked in the upper tiers, but then he fails all of his classes. He does not seem to put 2 and 2 together on the importance of his choices, actions, work, and performance. Only, "I'm better than other people" or "I'm ugly and stupid and I suck and everyone hates me." *sigh*... I just don't know what to do with this.

I think I need to talk to his Dad. I don't know if I can get through to the boy, but his Dad might be able to, if he is willing to work at it.
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Spork 39 F
Zen Sadist late 50's, M - Sadomasochistic Top, Lover, Nesting Partner. My all around wonderful Man Person.

Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad from August 2015 to July 2016. Still dear & loved friends.

Blood:
Ninja- 19, Son
Q- 16, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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  #1337  
Old 03-09-2018, 09:49 PM
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Predictably, last night, Q said, "Oh, and I didn't make it into Chamber Orchestra, and my teacher basically told me I suck, so I'm dropping out of orchestra." I said, "I am very sure he did not tell you that you suck. What exactly did he say?" and Q said, "Well, he said I wasn't good enough for Chamber, but he put some freshmen in there, so obviously he just hates me. It's fine. I devoted years to this instrument, and I get no gratitude. I'm done." See, as I said, brushing aside questions of what he DID, of choices made in terms of really practicing for the audition and giving it his best, he's made this instead into a matter of value judgments. Not, "I did not DO good enough" but "I'm NOT good enough." It is always crap like this with him. And with his Dad, though I didn't say so.

I really hate to think how he's going to cope with life, with things like not getting jobs he applies for, with things like romantic rejection, which are the kinds of experiences everyone just HAS in life, if every time he defaults to, "You think I suck. I quit. I'm just not gonna try anymore! The whole world is against me, no one appreciates me!" I've tried very hard over many years to push back and give better ways of thinking to my kids. Ninja has absorbed some of it, but Q still looks up to his Dad (though how and why after the abuse he suffered, is hard to understand) and emulates many of his mindsets. I'm just beyond tired of it. I'll try to talk Q into sticking with Orchestra, I'll be very sad if he quits, but I don't know if I'll succeed. And honestly I don't know if he SHOULD stick with it...for his own sake I'd say, yes. For the sake of the other students, I'm not sure. I think they sound beautiful, but he is hyper-critical. He thinks he's better than the rest of the class, more or less, and deserves to be in Chamber. (Value judgments, remember) and as he relates to the other students, he looks down on them. He can be a godawful judgmental snob sometimes.

It's like the Honors classes. He wants to be in them, because he thinks he's better than other students, and wants to be ranked in the upper tiers, but then he fails all of his classes. He does not seem to put 2 and 2 together on the importance of his choices, actions, work, and performance. Only, "I'm better than other people" or "I'm ugly and stupid and I suck and everyone hates me." *sigh*... I just don't know what to do with this.

I think I need to talk to his Dad. I don't know if I can get through to the boy, but his Dad might be able to, if he is willing to work at it.
Does he like to read? I just started reading this book, and it's great. It was also on e-book lend from my public library, available to read on Kindle App (so on computers, phones, etc. in the absence of a Kindle). If you can get him to read this, it might help him. I know it's been helping me, and I can only imagine the good it would have done if I'd found it sooner.

I've been a long-time overachiever compared to most people, but mostly due to genetic lottery and a desire to out-compete people, not out of true drive or motivation. I have very often fallen into the trap of skating by on my innate intelligence and talent without wanting to put the work in, and seeing exactly how little I could get away with doing and still come out more or less on top.

It's a bugger of a long-ingrained flaw to correct, and I really wish I'd realized earlier and started sooner.

ETA: That book, this article, and a couple of Buddhist-leaning books are like my self-help library at the moment.

Last edited by Reverie; 03-09-2018 at 09:52 PM.
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  #1338  
Old 03-09-2018, 10:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Reverie View Post
Does he like to read? I just started reading this book, and it's great. It was also on e-book lend from my public library, available to read on Kindle App (so on computers, phones, etc. in the absence of a Kindle). If you can get him to read this, it might help him. I know it's been helping me, and I can only imagine the good it would have done if I'd found it sooner.

I've been a long-time overachiever compared to most people, but mostly due to genetic lottery and a desire to out-compete people, not out of true drive or motivation. I have very often fallen into the trap of skating by on my innate intelligence and talent without wanting to put the work in, and seeing exactly how little I could get away with doing and still come out more or less on top.

It's a bugger of a long-ingrained flaw to correct, and I really wish I'd realized earlier and started sooner.

ETA: That book, this article, and a couple of Buddhist-leaning books are like my self-help library at the moment.
I wish he would read that. But I know he wouldn't. I've given him some really good self help books, some of them have couched great concepts in entertaining language (can a teenager truly resist profanity? I didn't think so... And yet, he has.)

He doesn't hate to read...but lately he's only been reading what he's required to for English class, not really doing much reading for his own purposes. I'm not sure what kind of book would tempt him.

Apparently his English class this entire year, has focused on dystopian literature. He is so tired of doom and gloom and the end of the world, he's about ready to lose it. I kinda don't blame him, really. I'm not sure why the school would think that's a good idea to fill an entire year with that junk. Aren't we supposed to want students to be in better mental health??
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Spork 39 F
Zen Sadist late 50's, M - Sadomasochistic Top, Lover, Nesting Partner. My all around wonderful Man Person.

Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad from August 2015 to July 2016. Still dear & loved friends.

Blood:
Ninja- 19, Son
Q- 16, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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  #1339  
Old 03-13-2018, 05:18 PM
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Well, life is pretty good. I've had some frustrations to deal with, but I'm coping. Stupid dryer isn't working. Hope to hear back about that today. Also, my youngest kiddo is drivin' me nuts, but that's nothing new. He just texted me wanting to go home early from school because he had a "saliva attack." ?? He says he threw up, but it was only spit. I have no idea what the hell he's talking about, but asked if he thought maybe he could hang in there and get through his day.

I've had to adjust my work routine a lot lately with one thing and another, so I'd like to NOT have to go pick him up from school...

And I'm considering going to a polyamory discussion group at the club tonight...maybe. I've haven't been going, since I haven't really truly been polying. It's a tricky business I guess. I consider my relationship and love life basically monogamous right now, and I'm comfortable there, because as I've expressed before, if no one is even remotely interesting to have a secondary sexual relationship with, except sorta kinda not really one person who is a bad idea so I won't...then why have that even sorta "open to poly maybe" vagueness out there? And beyond that, it seems my nebulous status, well it felt to me like I left enough doubt about my commitment to Zen in how I was talking that at least one friend seemed more interested in me than I really wanted him to be. So if it is what I'm doing, and if it is going to help me with boundaries, then saying, "I'm monogamous now, and TAKEN" does make sense. The only thing is that there are some friends I still want to be close to, if not exactly sexual, and some friends I like flirting with, and I don't want to change that, and then there's the occasional kink play that isn't sexual, that I might do at a party...all fun, but not on a path to sex, as such, but some of that would be problematic in the KINDS of super-muggle-monogamous relationships I've been in and been privy to.

I mean, like muggle friends that Zen knows, or that I know, would freak if their partner were to sling innuendo, let alone disrobe and get set on fire, with someone who is "just a friend" even if their partner knows 100% she isn't going to ever have sex with him. Many men would not trust that. I need Zen to trust that, and I think he does.

That's where the only ish comes into monogamish for me.

But that doesn't feel quite like poly, though. I don't think it is. To me, it feels more like an attempt at a slightly more enlightened monogamy, with as much trust and honesty as we can pack into it, and sincere efforts at good communication.

Still, it is a discussion group, and I love those, and primarily I think that some of the thought and communication tools that Zen and I have come up with lately could be useful to others in the group, that's why I'm considering going...that, and maybe getting some people-time, if I find that I feel like it.

Of course there is just as great a chance that I will get home and change my mind and not feel like going out at all. I don't really seem to know what I need, exactly, until I get there sometimes.

Came across a cute little thing on Facebook yesterday. It was a simple drawing of a woman and she was saying:

I love routine.

Until I get bored. Then I love excitement.

Until I get overwhelmed. Then I love routine.

And a lot of women liked or agreed in comments, on that post. I feel it definitely describes me, as I seem to have both an inner extrovert that drives me to socialize, and an inner introvert that drives me to withdraw. A sort of inner push-me/pull-you going on sometimes.
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Spork 39 F
Zen Sadist late 50's, M - Sadomasochistic Top, Lover, Nesting Partner. My all around wonderful Man Person.

Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad from August 2015 to July 2016. Still dear & loved friends.

Blood:
Ninja- 19, Son
Q- 16, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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  #1340  
Old 03-13-2018, 08:06 PM
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I just ordered some new Cards Against Humanity stuff, and I really want to go to Game Night this Friday night, like even if I do nothing else at the club this week, I want to go to Game Night and play with my new cards, which should arrive by then...

I also just ordered an even bigger box to carry them all in, because I need one now.
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Spork 39 F
Zen Sadist late 50's, M - Sadomasochistic Top, Lover, Nesting Partner. My all around wonderful Man Person.

Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad from August 2015 to July 2016. Still dear & loved friends.

Blood:
Ninja- 19, Son
Q- 16, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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