Fairly recently my wife and I opened up our relationship. We have previously had physical encounters with others but over the years we have been married we I came to realize she had a strong inclination toward polyamory and I realized I have essentially been polyamorous all along. We have had many talks and done much reading and podcast listening.
We now find ourselves at a point where she has the beginning of a relationship with another guy, she has a bit of NRE which I actually love seeing since it makes her happy and giddy. At the same time I have realized a friendship I have with a friend in my circles, the friend is fairly new in the last couple years but the circle goes back to my teen years (I am 45 now), has grown way beyond a friendship. I have started falling in love with her. My wife is singularly afraid of this relationship I have with her because I do have a deep connection with her. I have a physical attraction to her but it is primarily an emotional attraction but for whatever reason my wife is very jealous and fearful of my relationship with her. I asked her if I developed a relationship with another woman if she would feel the same fear and she said no she is just very afraid of losing me to her. I have had other friendships with women that have come very close to this (I have always been much better friends with women) but something makes her fear this one. I am very much falling in love with her but I feel no loss of love for my wife at all, if anything seeing her happy and giddy with her boy, and with me feeling good after talking with my friend makes my heart sing for her...she is adorable, I was helping her flirt with him the other night with a guys input. She has said she doesnt want to feel the jealousy she feels and realizes it's not fair or OK when I am happy for her. Does anyone have any resources I can point her to? She has told me her head wants to be happy for me and her heart is battling that. We are both worried about overcoming this hump because it's a new one for us...we have a wonderful marriage and are both afraid of ruining that. We realize it will change, that is inevitable, but we have multiple kids with one being very young (6) and keep wondering if we need to just hold off for 10 years or so. Neither of us want to but we are both very cautious. I am just feel in my very gun shy so to speak. Is this a normal feeling when opening up a long term marriage?
We now find ourselves at a point where she has the beginning of a relationship with another guy, she has a bit of NRE which I actually love seeing since it makes her happy and giddy. At the same time I have realized a friendship I have with a friend in my circles, the friend is fairly new in the last couple years but the circle goes back to my teen years (I am 45 now), has grown way beyond a friendship. I have started falling in love with her. My wife is singularly afraid of this relationship I have with her because I do have a deep connection with her. I have a physical attraction to her but it is primarily an emotional attraction but for whatever reason my wife is very jealous and fearful of my relationship with her. I asked her if I developed a relationship with another woman if she would feel the same fear and she said no she is just very afraid of losing me to her. I have had other friendships with women that have come very close to this (I have always been much better friends with women) but something makes her fear this one. I am very much falling in love with her but I feel no loss of love for my wife at all, if anything seeing her happy and giddy with her boy, and with me feeling good after talking with my friend makes my heart sing for her...she is adorable, I was helping her flirt with him the other night with a guys input. She has said she doesnt want to feel the jealousy she feels and realizes it's not fair or OK when I am happy for her. Does anyone have any resources I can point her to? She has told me her head wants to be happy for me and her heart is battling that. We are both worried about overcoming this hump because it's a new one for us...we have a wonderful marriage and are both afraid of ruining that. We realize it will change, that is inevitable, but we have multiple kids with one being very young (6) and keep wondering if we need to just hold off for 10 years or so. Neither of us want to but we are both very cautious. I am just feel in my very gun shy so to speak. Is this a normal feeling when opening up a long term marriage?