Well, he hopes to find a woman who is a good fit for him/me/our family and then see where it goes. I think he will have an easy time finding a woman, he is very handsome and smart and charming.
I don't know what will happen. I'll probably just try to find a side boyfriend to keep me busy or something. Sad and pathetic, cause I know I'd only be wanting this other guy to help boost my self-esteem and keep loneliness away when J is searching/dating.
The right move for my family would be him realizing that the relationship we have with each other and all of our children is precious and since he says he is totally content with me, our sex life is great, he's not unhappy, he would grow the fuck up and just not date/fall in love with another woman now. Perhaps when the kids are older? Or after I've done major therapy so that I'm more self-confident?
My parents know what is going on and they don't want him at their house for Thanksgiving, so that's awesome - not. And yes, I'm talking about all of this stuff with my therapist.
As far as the relationship with another woman, I'd prefer a hierarchy, but I know that is frowned upon/unfair towards new relationship partners.
Why are your parents involved in this at all? That sounds like a horrible thing to do because now it's likely going to damage their relationship with J for a long time.
I don't really think it's fair to find a "side boyfriend" just to keep you busy. I mean, he'd be a person with feelings, too- he's not just a toy or a hobby.
This is really not sounding like something you want, so I'm not sure why you don't ask him to hold off until you're more comfortable with the idea, or to end the relationship if he isn't willing to do so. If you're upset and anxious now, I can't see how it's going to get better when he's actually dating if these issues are unresolved.