Apprehension in returning love

Calicorex4

New member
I missed her so much while she was gone. We moved away, got married, even conceived a child. Determined to move on without her. She came and went like a whirlwind. She seemed like the missing piece of the puzzle we hadn't known was missing. Happy in our monogamous relationship, not looking for anything else. But she just seemed to make everything so much better, and we were all so happy. Then, one night he got a text. She was returning to live with her strictly religious family and could no longer be in our lives, just like that she was gone. Wouldn't answer any text messages or phone calls. About 2-3 weeks ago she reached out. I started off cold, she had really hurt both of us. As the initial conversation went on, I started getting excited at the idea of her coming back. I want her back, we both do. In the same breath, I do not want to be thrown away again, especially not when our daughter gets here. I'm struggling with how to feel. I miss her and want things back to how amazing they were but I can't shake the feeling that this is a trap and we are all going to end up hurt again. I'm just so confused and scared. Help...
 
It'll only work if you let it. If you can't let go of the past, can only see this as a trap, and you'll constantly be looking for signs of trouble. And then you'll see it where there is none. And then you'll actively make it when it needn't be there. And then she'll leave, because she never stood a chance. And then you'll say to each other, I told you so.

from,
someone else's whirlwind.
 
Has she explained what made her leave? Is it something that has been resolved? No matter how blissful she makes your lives, she needs to put in some work to rebuild trust. If you want to give her a chance to do that, that’s where your leap of faith lies... not in accepting her back without her making efforts to repair the damage. Asking her to face the consequences of her actions is both reasonable and necessary to rebuild what you had on a sound foundation.
 
Did the religious family kick her out and now she wants another landing pad?

I want to think charitably of people, but with a baby on the way? And you both having been hurt before? I would be SUPER cautious about letting her back in at a vulnerable time in your lives without knowing why.

Waiting might be better. To hear the explanations, not just jump in, and this time... IF you all decide to start a new chapter together, to do it from a calmer, more measured pace and not all "whirlwind" or "got carried away." There is now going to be a little person on the line.

But if you don't even want to go there and don't even want to hear explanations, that's ok too. Just say "Thanks but no thanks.No more romance here."

We may not be able to help how we feel. But we CAN choose how to respond or not respond to those feelings with the next behaviors we pick out.

Galagirl
 
Last edited:
Hi Cali,

I remember your first post where you briefly described your situation, you are 20 years old, your daughter is due on Christmas. I think you need to tell the 3rd person that you are in a vulnerable position at this time, and that you need her to tell you why she wants to get back together with you, in other words what has changed, and what about her strictly religious family, aren't they still preventing her from practicing poly. I do understand that you missed her so much, that you are excited at the idea of her coming back, but don't forget how much you were hurt, you need to protect yourself. Honestly, you need to find out why she broke up with you in the first place. Couldn't she have moved in with you at that time? I'm just saying.

I hope she does get back together with you, and that all of your dreams with her come true. Really I do. Will you keep us updated on this thread? I would like to follow your story.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Back
Top