happytriad
New member
A closed triad can work but only if all members agree to it. It should also be talked about in the beginning of the relationship. I believe that it isn't up to the established couple whether or not the new member can date outside the triad. It either has to be something that each person agrees on or it. The established couple cant tell the person joining the cant date just like the personing joining the triad cant tell them whether or not anyone else to date. (Well they can tell them anything they want but whether or not you SHOULD is another story).Sounds good.
Okay here's another one. A husband and wife bring a new woman into their marriage, and they decide they want a closed triad. This means the new woman can be intimate with the husband and (or?) wife, but they do not want the new woman to go out and date outside the couple, nor do they want her to get her own boyfriend outside the couple.
Is this an arrangement that could work? How would you advise the couple that had established this rule?
It's also good to note that this is a fluid thing like most things in relationships. People change. For instance when we all formed a triad we (all three) decided to be closed in order to concentrate on strengthening our bond and no one had the emotional bandwidth to deal with additional relationships. Lovie has no interest in dating other people, neither does Champ, but I do. We have discussed this over the past year. Champ and Lovie don't want me to date because they don't think they can handle it emotionally. Now we had a few options #1 I date without their approval and risk either or both of them walking because they expressed they didn't want me to #2 I drop it forever and don't mention it again #3 We talk about it periodically and discuss it like adults.
We chose #3. It was not important enough to me to risk hurting either of them. It still isnt. Each time we've talked they've become more understand of my reasons I would like the option and it makes me feel closer because it allows me to still have the choice of my options.
My advise on how the preexisting couple can establish this rule is that they can't. Everyone can talk about it but in the end it's what every individual choses. If the new partner wants to date they can. It's up to the other two members whether or not they accept it or want to walk because they can't accept it. And that goes for everyone involved. Triads are complicated and for it to work we have found there has to be compromise and the idea of the preestablished couple controls the new member has to be thrown out the window.
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