Hi there...
Was looking for support for a"Hotwife" situation and found this forum. Quick history:
My husband and I have been married for nearly 18 years. Sharing me with another man has always been a fantasy of my husband. We dabbled with the lifestyle a bit about 10 yrs ago but it got complicated and decided to stop.
Fast forward to this past summer when a man I met through our child's sporting event made it very clear that he was interested in me. There have been a few guys come into view over the past 10 yrs that I was curious about but none that made me consider opening things up again. Until, that is, I met this particular. Sexual attraction and desire from the very start. Because I'm not interested in having an "affair" and I knew of my husband's past interests in sharing me, I told husband I wanted to have "an adventure". Husband knew that the man and I had been texting for well over a month but it still came as a bit of a surprise. Mostly because I had been the one who had suggested we shut down our activities of the past. But there was just something about this man I needed to explore.
Anyhow, husband was thrilled to be able to flesh out the "Hotwife Fantasy" he has always been so interested in. The first couple months were very hot but not uncomplicated. My husband struggles with the desire vs jealousy controversy that is not uncommon to this lifestyle. The jealousy was a factor in shutting it down last time and he promised over and over it "wouldn't be like that this time". The first couple of months, I had been able to put up with the wrenches husband would throw at me ("You spend too much time with him", "I'm not sure I want you to see him" but then asks me a day later when I was planning to see him next?!?!, All hot and bothered about me going to be with my friend but as soon as he cums it is not appealing anymore, etc) but as of late, this side of it is making me miserable. I love my husband dearly and have really enjoyed making this fantasy a reality for him again but his hot/cold feelings about this are confusing, frustrating and, honestly, unfair. I feel that he dangles my play friend in front of me and wants me to have him but is ready to snatch him away when I try to grasp for him.
I'd like to throw in the towel however...My play friend is a fantastic lover. I'm not going to say he is better than my husband. Just different. The way I feel when I am with him is unlike anything I have experienced with another man. It is wild and passionate and intense. We connect on a sexy friendship level (if there is such a thing?) I enjoy our play times so so so much but always crave the comfort and connection of my marriage and life with my husband. I care for my play friend very much but am, by no means, feeling I want to leave my husband for him. Play friend knows this and is respectful of my primary relationship. He says he "knows his place" and I take comfort in that.
Another frustrating component to all this is that from the time husband and I opened things up again to now, husband has said it's no longer enough that he wants to share me, he wants to "participate". He wants to be *with me* when I'm with another man. I'm not so much into this. I mean, I would do it if I "had to" but its not something I would initiate myself. I feel like he's changing how the "game is played" and from time to time (like this morning) he reminds me that "it's all good" if I want to play but at some level he's not getting what he wants.... me with another guy. I know that my play friend has no interest in that side of what we are doing and, honestly, I wouldn't want that with him. What we have is ours, not to share. (this dimension is making me think I am polyamorous which needs to be a separate post on it's own).
Ugh. In the 10 or so minutes that I have been typing this I'm sitting here wondering what it is that I want from y'all in response to this. I guess I need to feel not so alone in this. Husband and I are definitely not on the same page. I don't want to stop seeing my play friend or shutting down all activities... but am having a hard time justifying this mind fuck.
Any suggestions?
Was looking for support for a"Hotwife" situation and found this forum. Quick history:
My husband and I have been married for nearly 18 years. Sharing me with another man has always been a fantasy of my husband. We dabbled with the lifestyle a bit about 10 yrs ago but it got complicated and decided to stop.
Fast forward to this past summer when a man I met through our child's sporting event made it very clear that he was interested in me. There have been a few guys come into view over the past 10 yrs that I was curious about but none that made me consider opening things up again. Until, that is, I met this particular. Sexual attraction and desire from the very start. Because I'm not interested in having an "affair" and I knew of my husband's past interests in sharing me, I told husband I wanted to have "an adventure". Husband knew that the man and I had been texting for well over a month but it still came as a bit of a surprise. Mostly because I had been the one who had suggested we shut down our activities of the past. But there was just something about this man I needed to explore.
Anyhow, husband was thrilled to be able to flesh out the "Hotwife Fantasy" he has always been so interested in. The first couple months were very hot but not uncomplicated. My husband struggles with the desire vs jealousy controversy that is not uncommon to this lifestyle. The jealousy was a factor in shutting it down last time and he promised over and over it "wouldn't be like that this time". The first couple of months, I had been able to put up with the wrenches husband would throw at me ("You spend too much time with him", "I'm not sure I want you to see him" but then asks me a day later when I was planning to see him next?!?!, All hot and bothered about me going to be with my friend but as soon as he cums it is not appealing anymore, etc) but as of late, this side of it is making me miserable. I love my husband dearly and have really enjoyed making this fantasy a reality for him again but his hot/cold feelings about this are confusing, frustrating and, honestly, unfair. I feel that he dangles my play friend in front of me and wants me to have him but is ready to snatch him away when I try to grasp for him.
I'd like to throw in the towel however...My play friend is a fantastic lover. I'm not going to say he is better than my husband. Just different. The way I feel when I am with him is unlike anything I have experienced with another man. It is wild and passionate and intense. We connect on a sexy friendship level (if there is such a thing?) I enjoy our play times so so so much but always crave the comfort and connection of my marriage and life with my husband. I care for my play friend very much but am, by no means, feeling I want to leave my husband for him. Play friend knows this and is respectful of my primary relationship. He says he "knows his place" and I take comfort in that.
Another frustrating component to all this is that from the time husband and I opened things up again to now, husband has said it's no longer enough that he wants to share me, he wants to "participate". He wants to be *with me* when I'm with another man. I'm not so much into this. I mean, I would do it if I "had to" but its not something I would initiate myself. I feel like he's changing how the "game is played" and from time to time (like this morning) he reminds me that "it's all good" if I want to play but at some level he's not getting what he wants.... me with another guy. I know that my play friend has no interest in that side of what we are doing and, honestly, I wouldn't want that with him. What we have is ours, not to share. (this dimension is making me think I am polyamorous which needs to be a separate post on it's own).
Ugh. In the 10 or so minutes that I have been typing this I'm sitting here wondering what it is that I want from y'all in response to this. I guess I need to feel not so alone in this. Husband and I are definitely not on the same page. I don't want to stop seeing my play friend or shutting down all activities... but am having a hard time justifying this mind fuck.
Any suggestions?