BoringGuy
Banned
something in this whole story isn't coagulating for me, iykwim.
I'm not sure if i "kwym". You mean something that nobody else has mentioned yet, or just anything and everything in general? Tell us what's on your mind.
something in this whole story isn't coagulating for me, iykwim.
I guess if I am to depend on MYSELF for my OWN happiness and to do what I need to do to make that happen, then I need to take any response from him out of the picture. Basically telling myself to accept it the way it is, find a way within myself to "like" it or get out of it and start over. Am I understanding that correctly?
Live with it the way that it is and hurt everyday of my life while I continue to lie to my family.
or leave him and the life that we have and could have forever behind.
i know weird stuff happens but i find it hard to believe that any 50 yr old woman would leave this country to go live with strangers in a country where she can't speak the language and she has made outrageous demands and those demands where graciously acquiesced to?I'm not sure if i "kwym". You mean something that nobody else has mentioned yet, or just anything and everything in general? Tell us what's on your mind.
and, furthermore, i kinda sorta resent the 'don't wanna play anymore' thing. It indicates a lack of maturity and self-responsbility to call changing others' families and lives to benefit one's own selfish whims and desires 'play'.
I consider our lifestyle--ie, polyamory--serious--hearts are involved and lives are changed. It's not a game.
i know weird stuff happens but i find it hard to believe that any 50 yr old woman would leave this country to go live with strangers in a country where she can't speak the language and she has made outrageous demands and those demands where graciously acquiesced to?
She sounds to me more like a whiney 15 yr old princess who finds out Disney isn't really the truth. Imho, the OP sounds like she is kinda out of touch with reality. I honestly don't understand what she truly thought she was getting into and why she thinks it's ok to try to wreck the man's homelife. Especially if the wife has been so good to her.
I dunno...it all sounds far-fetched to me. I moved from Texas to Boston to be with my (now) husband...it was frightening beyond belief to leave my life and depend upon someone else. I really don't think I could cross international lines.
I feel I must point this out as well. You have lived in a non-English speaking country for three years and haven't bothered to learn the language? That form of isolation you most certainly do have a degree of control over. The fact you have no support network and no friends in this foregin land is pretty much your own fault. I'd start with that if I were you, learning the language and making a life for myself that doesn't revolve around him all the time.
Galagirl, that has been one of my considerations in asking him to marry me. I feel that in the event tht he should die that I will be left out in the cold. He has made a paper that states that I am to be allowed to live in the home as long as I want or until I die. It has not been notarized or anything like that, but he SAYS that it would be binding in the event that he should die. He says that THAT is the best he can do for me. I worry that it would not be legally binding and that even if it had SOME kind of legal binding, his in laws would fight tooth and nail to see to it that I will get nothing. There IS no kind of financial provision for me. He says that he cannot do that. So, while I would have a place to live, I will not have anyway to LIVE. His wife and kids will be taken care of. Once again....when I asked him to marry me, this was one of the reasons why. His children will get their inheritance and I certainly would not kick ANYONE to the curb, I TOO would be happy to have them live out the rest of the years in this house, but his wife will have the support of her family (who have asked her to move in with them already). She will be taken care of and if worse came to worse, she is young and healthy and COULD work. I will be here, unable to hold down a job and so will not be able to stay in the country anyway. (According to German law, you have to have a job and NOT be a burden to the system to stay here if you are not married. On paper, I work as household help for him and his wife and I get "paid" about $500 a month and am allowed to live in their home. If I was married, the issue of a job would not matter, I could stay in the country as a spouse or a widow. If he dies and we are not married, then I will no longer have a "job" and will be unable to get a "real job" and unable to file for social welfare.) SO I guess it does not matter. If he dies, I will simply have to leave my life here, go back to the states, live with my kids and file disability. I cannot make him see anything otherwise. If we were married I would be able to stay in the country as his widow and I am assumng would be able to file for social welfare if I could not work. But as his "lover" for lack of a better word, I will have NO rights and NOTHING to fall back on. I will be screwed. The only bright light in that scenario is that I will probably die before he does and it will be a moot point. Otherwise, I will be unprotected...again making me like I am less of a partner in the relationship and she will naturally be taken care of as will his children. I cannot help but feel that my welfare is of less importance to him....:/ We all know that the probability is that he will outlive me. But there is a possibility that he will not. IN that event, the only provision that has been made is a piece of paper that says I can live in their house until I die. He says that is the best he can do for me.