Feeling like I fit in

Jet316

New member
Even though I've been Poly for 11 years, I only just feel like I've truly become Poly in the last year or so. Just wanted to know if anyone else feels the same way?
I think getting with my new partners, T and J, has helped me become more aware of the type of Poly I want, and I feel comfortable in my Poly status.
I think it's due to the fact that my previous partners have kind of closed themselves off to me, but T and J are really open with me, don't hide me at all and are proud to be with me.
Does that make sense?
 
Heya, Jet! It’s good to hear you’re getting more comfortable, and that you have partners who are proud to be with you. That’s the gold standard, in my opinion!

I am guessing some of your previous relationships were complicated by some partners being closeted?

What kind of poly do you want, now that you’re gaining some clarity on that?

Myself, I like an egalitarian setup, with a lot of communication and friendliness all around (kitchen table poly). How that’s playing out in my life so far, is I have one long term committed co-parenting partner who I live with, and one growing but serious long-distance relationship that has been going on for a year. When my long distance partner, RacingSnail, comes to visit, we all three spend ‘family time’ together, often with my kiddo as well, cooking together, eating together, maybe watching a movie. If RacingSnail ever wanted to move across the country to live with us, he would be welcome. Even though my relationship with him is much newer and currently less-entwined, its eventual shape will be whatever works for the two of us, in the context of our other commitments and connections. I am pretty lucky that none of the three of us has compelling reasons to be closeted.
 
I've had partners who are 'Poly' but went behind my back, only to come clean months later about sleeping with others. I had a partner who refused to be open with me at all and I felt like I was putting in all the effort.

I haven't really got an idea as such what Poly I want is, but I know I want to be open, free to be in public with my partners and I want to know I am loved and that I am not an option.
 
Hi Jet316,

I think you'll fit in quite nicely with the rest of the poly community, it sounds like you have a really good situation with T and J. I am in a V and we are in the closet (for the most part), but we get along well and have been together as a V for close to twelve years.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Is this a discussion about being out of the closet or about being cheated on? I'm confused.

I've been openly Poly for 4 years now, but it's only now that I feel as if I have found my place and comfort within the Poly community.
 
I've been openly Poly for 4 years now, but it's only now that I feel as if I have found my place and comfort within the Poly community.
I'm glad you did.
I think it's perfectly normal that it sometimes takes a long time to find a sense of belonging.
I have a group of friends of 10+ which meets every now and then. I love their company, but because I started to hang out with them a few years later than the "core" of the group, I sometimes still feel I don't belong. It's not their fault, just my feeling.
On the other hand, although I don't quite identify as poly, I feel like I belong to this forum.
My point is that belonging, or identification with a label, is totally internal and subjective and sometimes it's there and sometimes it isn't and I understand that making this inner shift can feel nice.
 
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