Handmaiden
New member
Hi all,
I joined a while back but had decided to try to suppress the poly inclination as it was causing my (mono) partner distress. I hadn't acted on it at all so in physical terms I'm still monogamous with him but I am actively looking again. We've discussed it and he acknowledges he doesn't own me and he's just basically waiting for something to happen to deal with his shit.
So the ethical dilemma I have is that one of the guys I am interested in (call him B) is the good friend of another very good friend of mine. My very good friend (call her A) had started dipping into the poly world with her husband, with this guy that I'm interested in getting to know better. So far I have only met B online so there might not even be any physical chemistry, but the only way to find that out is to meet up with him. Anyway, her relationship with her husband imploded, and she's still seeing B. I instinctively feel I at least need to give her time to sort out the mess in her life before making my interest known to B, but from there the ethics escape me.
Should I write this off? I don't want to lose her friendship over a guy, but at the same time I think about B a lot. B is happy to call himself poly and doesn't really want a full time relationship (from what he's said). My other concern is, that if it's ethically ok to pursue him, I worry they will form an exclusive relationship and I will lose my chance unless I make my intentions known.
So, basically, should I give up on him and look elsewhere, for the sake of my friendship with A? Or wait, and then try my luck... or let B know how I feel and see what happens? WWYD?
I joined a while back but had decided to try to suppress the poly inclination as it was causing my (mono) partner distress. I hadn't acted on it at all so in physical terms I'm still monogamous with him but I am actively looking again. We've discussed it and he acknowledges he doesn't own me and he's just basically waiting for something to happen to deal with his shit.
So the ethical dilemma I have is that one of the guys I am interested in (call him B) is the good friend of another very good friend of mine. My very good friend (call her A) had started dipping into the poly world with her husband, with this guy that I'm interested in getting to know better. So far I have only met B online so there might not even be any physical chemistry, but the only way to find that out is to meet up with him. Anyway, her relationship with her husband imploded, and she's still seeing B. I instinctively feel I at least need to give her time to sort out the mess in her life before making my interest known to B, but from there the ethics escape me.
Should I write this off? I don't want to lose her friendship over a guy, but at the same time I think about B a lot. B is happy to call himself poly and doesn't really want a full time relationship (from what he's said). My other concern is, that if it's ethically ok to pursue him, I worry they will form an exclusive relationship and I will lose my chance unless I make my intentions known.
So, basically, should I give up on him and look elsewhere, for the sake of my friendship with A? Or wait, and then try my luck... or let B know how I feel and see what happens? WWYD?