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  #81  
Old 05-11-2014, 02:40 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Default Found it!

Several times I've looked for a post I made about what "commitment in secondary relationships" - finally found it:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...&postcount=365

- was buried an "Online Dating/OKCupid" thread :
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...age#post187800
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JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost ex-lover-friend, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS; live-in with Katniss
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #82  
Old 05-13-2014, 01:41 AM
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BlackMagicBlonde BlackMagicBlonde is offline
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Yeah, happy (belated) anniversary to you guys!!!!
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  #83  
Old 09-11-2014, 01:16 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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I posted this in another poster's thread: (directed to YouAreHere)

*********************************

To YAH (not really relevant to the rest of the thread so I'll keep it short):

Quote:
Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
I only know what I read about D/s relationships, because I've never been in one and really don't grok it, but...
Right with you here - I've been reading a bit here and talked about it with a few people in the lifestyle, but ... doesn't really mesh with me. However:

Quote:
Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
From some people's situations I've read, they enjoy being a sub because, after a hectic day of taking charge at work, or wherever, they get to put it aside and let someone else make the decisions. It's calming.
THIS, actually resonates with me...I make decisions all day long, that affect peoples' lives, it's exhausting. I DON'T want to make decisions when I get home from work - where to go, what to wear, what to watch, what to listen to, what to eat, etc. - the boys know my preferences, let THEM choose. If I don't like their choice I will let them know, or not participate.

(Sorry for the hijack...back to your regularly scheduled posting.)

********************************

This is actually an aspect of myself that I am interested in exploring further - with someone who enjoys making these sorts of decisions for someone else. (My boys do this as a favor for me - but they don't take any personal enjoyment from it other than liking to make me happy.) I've discussed this with Lotus and we are touching on aspects of this in our relationship - I love it when she dresses me, cuts my hair, takes me to get my nails done, puts make-up on me - all the "girly" things that I would never bother to do for myself but am happy to do for her.

If anyone has any comments or insight, I'd love to discuss them.

(Just for the record - for "real" decisions the responsibility falls on the person with the most expertise - with input from the others. I look after our long-term financial goals. Dude takes care of the cars. MrS makes the mid-level "household" decisions. etc.)
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JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost ex-lover-friend, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS; live-in with Katniss
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 09-11-2014 at 01:24 AM.
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  #84  
Old 09-11-2014, 01:31 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackMagicBlonde View Post
Yeah, happy (belated) anniversary to you guys!!!!

Thank you! We actually just celebrated another anniversary on Sunday - the one year anniversary of Lotus entering our lives. A year ago, after meeting on OKC, Dude invited Lotus to attend a concert with us and a friend of ours. We went out to a nice restaurant and greatly enjoyed the concert. She has been seeing him (and us) ever since.

Dude, MrS, and I celebrated by taking her out to dinner at the same (excellent) restaurant. We had a lovely dinner. It's amazing how short a time it seemed and how MANY things happened over that time!
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JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost ex-lover-friend, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS; live-in with Katniss
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #85  
Old 09-11-2014, 11:01 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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The hijack is all good, JaneQ!

Usually, I have an opinion about everything, and I'm too damned independent to let others make decisions for me... which only serves to confuse them when I don't care about the outcome of a particular decision and then ask them to decide. They're like, "wait, what?"
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Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Monogamish? Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 7 years.
Spinner: 53/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 48/F, Chops' partner of 7 years
Curls: 51/F, Chops' partner of 2 years


Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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  #86  
Old 09-30-2014, 02:05 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Dude just had his first full "alone" weekend with Lotus (as her husband was out of town)...he says he will be home in a few hours (we will see - the boy is notoriously bad with time-frames) At this point it doesn't even seem like a "hurdle" for me - there was no reason (i.e. no rules), other than scheduling, that it couldn't have happened earlier. I am just happy for them. (The flip side is that I get a weekend "alone" with MrS - which is very quiet, calm, relaxing...)

A few weeks ago they exchanged "I loves you"s - also a non-event on my side. She had been there for a while and was just waiting for Dude to catch up (which may have been delayed because of how difficult that is for ME to hear). She knows how hesitant I am around that phrase...as was content to love us (individually) without having to voice it until we were ready.
__________________
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost ex-lover-friend, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS; live-in with Katniss
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #87  
Old 10-03-2014, 07:54 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Congrats on your anniversaries, JaneQ. This recently-past August, my V celebrated the 5th anniversary of our "official" handfasting. So take that, Mr. Savage! We've been together as a V since March of 2006 too, so, lots of poly relationships really do last.

Heh, oh and as we know, maxnsue had a poly dynamic that lasted 38 years. Woohoo!
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  #88  
Old 02-22-2015, 04:54 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Random update. I love my life!

Seriously. I couldn't have picked a better outcome than the one I ended up with. There was a rough patch or two that I could have done without...BUT considering where we ended up...it was SO worth it. (If only I could have known that at the time.)

Lesson? Not sure. It seems like some people do the best they can and stuff turns out fine. Others, crap implodes and explodes. Is it "fair"? - I doubt it. Is it luck? (aka. random chance) Is it karma? (maybe, but the thought makes me angry - who is to JUDGE that shit?)

Without knowing each persons history and circumstances...how is a girl to know?
__________________
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost ex-lover-friend, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS; live-in with Katniss
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 02-22-2015 at 04:21 PM.
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  #89  
Old 02-22-2015, 04:17 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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I consider myself extraordinarily lucky.
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  #90  
Old 03-28-2015, 09:47 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Been reading and thinking about terminology today...primary, secondary, non-primary, etc.

At this point (4 years next month) I think that Dude has approached "co-primary" - yes, I am married to MrS, (and I have NO desire to undo that!) but my relationship with Dude is certainly as entwined as my relationship with MrS before we got married (which changed, essentially, nothing except taxes on a practical level.)

We live together, we share finances, we share chores/responsibilities...

Neither of us, at this point, requires any "official" recognition of our relationship BUT how much more "primary" can you be?

My "other" partners would be secondary or tertiary (or some other terminology)...I care about them, but they have other, more important , relationships.
__________________
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost ex-lover-friend, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS; live-in with Katniss
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 03-28-2015 at 09:49 PM.
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