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Old 05-04-2017, 09:14 PM
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Aery Aery is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Paso Robles, (Central CA)
Posts: 74
Default Why Polyamory (sadly) can't be for Everyone

https://youtu.be/-wUoRKQhBXw IMHO, not to get dark, but as far as any certainty whether a relationship is healthy (emotionally non-supportive without criticism/attacks/contemptuousness/are the big indicator that a relationship is likely doomed under any relational model). More than jealousy, Poly needs flexibility, not power moves that condemn... Of course, these are just articles, presentations, not meant to be but stirrers of your perception/learning, not all-encompassing commandments... It took some crises and changes in my life to move from provisional mindsets about "ideal relationships" to become softer and caring about "OTHER"...and adjusting focus... to not trying to alter others...

When we look back we realize we did not live from our true nature. Our families pass on certain lenses to us as children which become our partial reality; it conditions our view of life and influences our choices. We create a provisional personality from the strategies we acquired, yet we yearn to recover the connectedness with ourselves... from estrangement from our real Self based on our false, wounded vision. The only real tragedy in life is when we remain unaware of that deep loading, and this neurotic split between two selves/identities that must be understood, ultimately as the suffering of a soul which has not discovered its individual meaning.

The ego tries to maintain the known identities and status quo; it tries to remain in charge. But the psyche strives toward an inner dialectic... The ego’s defences inform the hope for the perfect relationship, and is a juvenile state. The disillusionment that all relationships are imperfect and limited in their ability to meet our psychological needs is a needful crossing. Our long-term intimate relationships hold the potential for much pain and disillusionment. These disillusionments carry with them the unmet needs of the inner child in ourselves and partners.

The option of divorce, separation or other partners is today an answer to not have to remain stuck in a situation that serves neither party on the journey. Nevertheless, one’s partner can most definitely play a supporting role in our journey, but with the agreement that one does not run away from the largeness of responsibility for one’s own life. Whatever merits a third party may have in reality, she or he will certainly be the bearer of many projections, such as magical fusion...

We must free ourselves form the dictates of culture to connect with our passion. The free child can easily be inhibited by institutions such as marriage, but healing begins when we openly ask what our spontaneous, healthy child wants; and the inner child needs to be consciously asked what needs to be restored that was restricted? a dialogue with ourselves; asking the daily question: ‘Who am I in this situation?' And these parts of us speaks in symbols...

Each person must become more fully an individual before there can be a transformation of the relationship.Loving the otherness of our partner(s) is a transcendent event, for one enters the true mystery of relationship in which one is taken to the third place – not you plus me, but we who are more than ourselves with each other. YMMV...

Last edited by Aery; 05-05-2017 at 12:45 AM.
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