Faerylights
New member
Hi everyone,
I've only seriously embarked on a triad relationship with two of my best friends (married to each other) in the last week or so, but it has its own weird pace because we've known each other a while and been sexual partners in the past.
My male partner and I have spent the past two days dating while his wife is out of town -- dinner, movies, cuddling, talking -- really good stuff. But I've missed her.
She'll be home in a few hours (I don't live with them, but we'll be catching up) and I wanted to hop around on my favorite social networking sites saying "my girlfriend's coming home!" because we've been IMing like mad (which we always do, we just flirt more now) and she brought me presents and I'm just . . .really excited to see her and touch her and all that.
Then I realized I can't out them, can't out me, and that means I can't tell people about my relationship. Not the way I could when I was monogamous with someone (I'm bi, lean toward women, and publicly, comfortably out about that; my personal conviction is I'll take the blows I get from being openly queer if it does something to help LGBT people become more visible and protected in society).
We're giving it another week or so before we tell close friends that we think might be hurt if we left the info out too much longer . . .beyond that, if our relationship continues to grow and thrive, we only intend for people in our social circles that pick up on it or ask to be the ones to know. It's not something any of us need to deal with at work, and for me, not something I can share with family or (I'm Christian, they're not) my church community.
They're fine with sharing the information with their parents, if we get to a place where things seem to be holding steady, and I feel really respected and appreciate that, but like I said, can't do the same.
They'll always have their public marriage, and I, if this continues or I find another poly relationship one day with another couple, will always be hiding something. I'm a really open person with my life: hate lying, hate omitting, write confessional poetry and personal essays, and when I'm in love, love to talk about it.
Any advice from other people who prefer to have their cards face up on the table but are constrained by various concerns when it comes to mentioning their dating situations, or even long-term romances?
Thanks in advance.
I've only seriously embarked on a triad relationship with two of my best friends (married to each other) in the last week or so, but it has its own weird pace because we've known each other a while and been sexual partners in the past.
My male partner and I have spent the past two days dating while his wife is out of town -- dinner, movies, cuddling, talking -- really good stuff. But I've missed her.
She'll be home in a few hours (I don't live with them, but we'll be catching up) and I wanted to hop around on my favorite social networking sites saying "my girlfriend's coming home!" because we've been IMing like mad (which we always do, we just flirt more now) and she brought me presents and I'm just . . .really excited to see her and touch her and all that.
Then I realized I can't out them, can't out me, and that means I can't tell people about my relationship. Not the way I could when I was monogamous with someone (I'm bi, lean toward women, and publicly, comfortably out about that; my personal conviction is I'll take the blows I get from being openly queer if it does something to help LGBT people become more visible and protected in society).
We're giving it another week or so before we tell close friends that we think might be hurt if we left the info out too much longer . . .beyond that, if our relationship continues to grow and thrive, we only intend for people in our social circles that pick up on it or ask to be the ones to know. It's not something any of us need to deal with at work, and for me, not something I can share with family or (I'm Christian, they're not) my church community.
They're fine with sharing the information with their parents, if we get to a place where things seem to be holding steady, and I feel really respected and appreciate that, but like I said, can't do the same.
They'll always have their public marriage, and I, if this continues or I find another poly relationship one day with another couple, will always be hiding something. I'm a really open person with my life: hate lying, hate omitting, write confessional poetry and personal essays, and when I'm in love, love to talk about it.
Any advice from other people who prefer to have their cards face up on the table but are constrained by various concerns when it comes to mentioning their dating situations, or even long-term romances?
Thanks in advance.