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  #11  
Old 08-14-2017, 09:19 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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I think that sometimes on FetLife, some of the folks feel that poly *is* a kink. And maybe it is, I don't know. In any case, those are some good resources that opal has provided.
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  #12  
Old 08-15-2017, 01:32 PM
dragonette dragonette is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smittenkitten77 View Post
I'm also feeling anxious and nervous about jealousy issues... given the time we have been spending together. I don't want to be vetoed before we really have a chance to start, yet I am not overly comfortable being in a situation where I could be vetoed! Stop overthinking.
I don't think you're overthinking. Seeing someone almost every day for a week sounds unusual when he has two other partners. If he doesn't do a good job of maintaining his connection with his other partners, it can come back to bite you in the ass (see my Intro post), even if you don't get vetoed.

Why is he expressing to you that his other partner was jealous? If he's just saying "that was too much time for me to spend with you; I need to cut back," that doesn't sound like a big deal. But generally, I think jealousy in the other relationships is normal, but something to be worked out between him and the jealous partner. If he's telling you to warn you that you might be about to get vetoed, that sounds scary.

Do you know that one or both of his other partners has veto power, or are you just speculating? There are a lot of possible variations that might be called veto power: 1) the person doesn't really have the right to unilaterally decide that your relationship must end, but the person's opinion and concerns will be given significant weight by your new partner; 2) the person has the power to unilaterally veto, but only for some period of time and/or only for a good reason; 3) the person has the power to tell your new partner to stop dating you at any time, for any reason. If I were you, I'd ask for more information about what kind of veto might be possible. If it's close to #3, I'd run for the hills. Your insecurity about this will only grow as time passes and you become more invested.

His management of his other relationships is his problem, but you could ask him what agreements he has with his other partners about how much time they spend together, and encourage him to keep them. Don't put him in a position of having to say no to you as you ask for more time than he reasonably has to give.
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