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Old 11-10-2011, 03:16 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

Definitely be super aware of your safety right now. He may/may not have borderline personality disorder, but since you have broken it off with him I'd behave as if he does and take precautions for your safety as if that's the case. Better to be safe than sorry.

As for the rest, I think you need to stop trying to make sense of what he says. He obviously has a huge amount of mental and emotional issues, which means his opinions about what happened and what he says have a tenuous basis in reality at best. Maybe if you look at him like someone who's so caught up in his own world that he can't see what's actually there, you won't let yourself get so upset about it. And you definitely don't need to spend time defending yourself.
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Old 11-10-2011, 09:04 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 827

Kudos to you. Don't feel you are obliged to engage any any further discussion with him. A benefit of poly is that it means you should get to surround yourself with MORE love, not necessarily more misery. If somebody wants to be miserable, no reason to let yourself get roped into it one bit once you've freed yourself. Focus instead of the good and positive things in your life!
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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Old 11-11-2011, 05:12 AM
tsse tsse is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 8

Just an update, he started doing things he knew made me uncomfortable today as a way to lash out at me. I tried not to let it phase me.

He then started whining on at least two social networks that I'm a member of, accused me of "uncirciling him on G+" (I hadn't) and unfollowed me on Twitter "by accident".

By the end of the day he seemed stable and then he went off the deep end. He decided to start keeping a journal and a friend told me that he's pretty much insinuating that our break was his idea and though his therapist said he's not "unwell", he just needs to learn how to cope better with his emotional control when he's not in his comfort zone. He also made it seem like we were on a break when I was clear in what I said that we needed to end things and when he asked if we'd be back together, I refused to say yes and he got all pissy.

As for blocking him - he's smart. I'm good with computers, really good, up until recently he had a security clearance. I could block him all I want, but that won't change things. He's said he's going to disappear for a week or so to focus on what he needs to any maybe in that time, his head will be removed from his ass.

He was a good friend before this and I know he can be a good person but he needs to learn to control himself, to respect others and to take care of himself before I want him in my life in ANY capacity again.
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Old 11-11-2011, 05:25 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Don't even consider being in touch with him again! Break all contact. Unfriend, unfollow, and uncircle. Disconnect & ignore. Stop asking your friends about him. You don't need the drama. You've only been involved with him a few months, that's nothing. Please wake up to the fact that things turned sour quickly and there's no reason to hold onto anything with this guy. He has serious problems. Focus on your pregnancy and make sure the people around you are aware that he should not be told anything about your life or your whereabouts. You may even want to let your local police be aware that there is someone you are concerned about regarding your safety.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 11-11-2011 at 05:31 AM.
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Old 11-11-2011, 05:10 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

I agree 1,000,000% with Nyc. It took this guy a while to reveal this side of himself to you, but many people are on their best behavior when you first know them. He's shown no awareness of how fucked up his actions are, and the scary thing here is that you still don't know how deep the rabbit hole goes. How crazy is this guy, really? Keep your distance, break off all contact, and maybe block him even if you think he'd be able to get around it -- at least it'll send a message and if he chooses to bypass the block you'll be able to use that against him if necessary (cyber-stalking).
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 11-11-2011, 06:57 PM
FireChild FireChild is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Jax, FL, USA
Posts: 125

Nothing good will come from continuing to have contact with him. You're pregnant. It's not about you anymore, it's about the safety of your child. This guy is the kind of guy who could have you tied up in the trunk of your car if you're not careful. Please stop talking to him or asking about him. Block him on all of your social networks and make them private. Make it clear to your friends he's not to know about you and ditch anyone who can't respect that.
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Old 11-11-2011, 07:27 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,475

You don't need to explain yourself to him, and it doesn't sound like he's in any position to understand anyway. He's still blaming you for his own problems, and until he gets it through his head that his issues are his own and he has to deal with them on his own, nothing you can say will have any effect on how he behaves.

Originally Posted by tsse View Post
he doesn't think the behavior he is trying to fix should count. Um, it does.
Of course it does! That's like saying, if you work at a nuclear power plant with a radiation leak, you should still come in to work as long as they're "trying to fix" the leak.

Originally Posted by tsse View Post
As for blocking him - he's smart. I'm good with computers, really good, up until recently he had a security clearance. I could block him all I want, but that won't change things.
Even if you can't block him, he can't force you to respond to all of his messages. This is just more way for him to get attention. Next time he messages you, send him one single reply: "I have nothing more to say to you. I can't stop you from contacting me, but I will no longer respond. Goodbye." Then when he keeps messaging you, just close his chat tab. Ask P to ignore him outright. Ask your friends to refrain from relaying his messages. By the sounds of it, they're aware of his issues and they'll understand why.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 11-11-2011 at 07:34 PM.
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behavior, break up, pregnancy, secondary

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