well! yes, it's been ages since I updated this blog. I'm not sure I want to get back to writing and updating regularly, but as the year is drawing to a close I am thinking about all that's happened and kind of taking score, and thought I'd fill in this huge gap between january 2014 and today... almost 2 years, unbelievable!
Ren (husband) and I are still good. We have good months and not so good months, but that's the normal ebb and flow of a 20+ year relationship I guess. Right now we're in a really good period and I'm enjoying it lots! He is still with his GF Lou, the one I don't like and trust for many reasons - I never see her, she only comes to the house when I'm not here. The past year, we've managed to have very little tension or disagreements about that though. He's been seeing another woman for about a year and a half now. I really like her and she sometimes spends the night when I'm also home. She is long distance, as is Lou. But Ren doesn't mind that he doesn't see them very often, he needs an awful lot of me-time
So, Brig and I broke up summer 2014. I loved him, and we are still friends (though we don't see each other very often - it was an amicable break up for sure) but just weren't compatible at all sexually. Another thing was that while he liked the idea of poly, when it came down to the practical facts he was awkward and uncomfortable about it. The relationship sort of fizzled out without too many hard feelings.
I did get back together with Curlz in January 2014. I started spending weekends at his house again, we sometimes went away together, he came to my city and spent the night at my place. When I think back, and look at that time, I think that I was almost more in love with his house and the domesticity of our relationship than with him. He had such a lovely and well cared for house and had a real knack for creating atmosphere - wine and candles and good food and clean, nice smelling sheets etc... I just loved spending time there, and he was always very attentive, asking many questions, very good at my love language Quality Time...But yeah, two things were a continous frustration: the fact that the sex was pretty impossible, and the fact that he was always breaking up and getting back together with his other (single, mono)GF. I finally broke up with him in the fall of 2015 and while I do still miss him sometimes, it's been a relief.
MrBrown and I are at a standstill. I think at this point we are friends who don't see each other very often. I don't want a sexual relationship with him anymore. It's complicated, it hurts, I miss him, but right now I am glad that we are not communicating - I just can't deal with his fierce autonomy. I think he is a relationship anarchy posterchild, and while I have RA aspirations, the way he does it is not really how I want to become.
Knight is still my platonic boyfriend. We tried to be less platonic twice, summer 2014 and last summer as well. But I think we both know that that is not the way for us. I love him deeply and I am so glad he is in my life. We see each other about once every 2 or 3 months for one evening. It's intense, he inspires me, lifts me up, he knows me and sees me, and I think we have an amazing connection that I value very very much.
And ! I've been in a new relationship for over a year now. I suppose I should give him a nickname in case I do start updating more regularly! Hm. Bo, I guess. We met on OKC (he contacted me, he's 10 years younger, lives 10 minutes away. He's cute and funny and nerdy and adorable. He has another GF, a woman who is also married (with a small child no less) and he is in a D/s relationship with her, with him being the sub. This has been the cause of some, ha let's be honest, major anxiety - especially in the beginning when I was still uncertain about our connection and trying to feel out his intentions with me etc..
I have to say that he is an almost perfect poly partner. He treats us both as his equal partners and is completely open about everything. He talks to me about her and to her about me. I've met her a couple of times which has helped with the anxiety about the kink -because I could see she might be his Domme, she's also just a regular woman with her own stuff and shit to deal with. Bo has met my husband and sometimes comes over for dinner and spends the night - while I like relationships compartmentalized, and don't want kitchen table style poly, the fact that everybody knows everybody and is relaxed about it is really nice. Bo is completely committed to his poly life, and while I've known him, told his family, co workers and friends about it.
He's also one of the most sex positive guys I've ever dated, he adores me, and we have a ton of fun in the bedroom
So while things have been mostly good, it's also been a difficult year where I've struggled a lot with anxiety and depression. Sometimes triggered by relationship issues but also sometimes triggered by work and family stuff, and sometimes these anxiety rears its ugly head and I have no idea why and where it comes from. It sucks, that's for sure.