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  #1  
Old 03-09-2015, 09:01 PM
darkadonis105 darkadonis105 is offline
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Default why is being poly so hard?

hello everyone we are chris mandii and jennifer

we love the idea of being poly having a loving relationship with another woman or two or 30 is great! but anyone else find it incredibly difficult?
and i mean WAY more so than just making any relationship work

maybe its just the area we live in (near corpus christi texas) but
everyone is soooo judgmental! even gay people that often get picked on
attack us for being ungodly or disgusting

everyone we talk to IMMEDIATELY stops speaking to us the moment we tell them how we are like we have some kind of weird disease lol
i suppose im looking in all the wrong places trying to make like minded friends or open minded ones i should say

anyone here have any tips? know of any chatrooms? websites (that actually have active people on them)?
more so than anything we would absolutely love to find and make a great close nit group of friends but if we were to find more we certainly wouldnt complain
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Old 03-09-2015, 09:52 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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There are lots of actually active people on this forum, depending on what you mean by "active".

There are numerous dating sites that some poly people use. OKCupid is one that's mentioned a lot on here. I met both of my guys on AdultFriendFinder, though that one isn't always poly-friendly.

From your post, it sounds like you just randomly tell people you encounter that you're poly. Is that a correct perception? If so, why do you tell them? Just like not everyone needs to know that someone's monogamous, or straight, or gay, or whatever, not everyone needs to know that you're poly.
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Old 03-09-2015, 10:17 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi darkadonis105,
Welcome.

You are a group of three persons?
  • Chris,
  • Mandii,
  • Jennifer.
Am I understanding that correctly? and I take it Chris is the guy actually typing the posts so far? (Just getting the formalities out of the way.)

Polyamory certainly presents challenges that you don't get as much in monogamy. First of all it is a complex task juggling more than one relationship.

Second, polyamory is not widely accepted in today's society. This results in a couple of problems. For one thing, you are likely to experience condemnation from the people who find out you're poly. Another thing is that it's harder to find help and resources to support you when one or more of your poly relationships is struggling.

But, people practice polyamory anyway, so they must find that it's worth it, right?

You may or may not have a local poly group closeby, but even if you don't it might be worth doing some traveling to meet up with some poly folks in person. Here are some pages/sites you can use to look for poly groups:
Googling "Texas polyamory" or "polyamory" with the name of whatever major city is closest to you is another way to search for poly groups.

There's a few online dating sites where some poly folks have had some success:
And we have a Dating & Friendships (North America) board on this site where you can post ads and look around for people nearby.

There's also this food for thought:
Quote:
"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, Polyamorous Percolations
Chatrooms? There's http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/chat/index.php but it's not very active; http://www.polyamorychat.com/ might be a better bet.

Hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 03-24-2015, 09:57 PM
AustinTriad AustinTriad is offline
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It has been our experience that we really dont just go around telling people we are poly. Being at the forefront of a not-quite-mainstream way of thinking (ie Polyamory) and with all bad press of Polagimy we really dont believe in waving it in everyones face.

That being said, we stay open and honest about our relationship and when people see the 3 of us together, invariably they will ask about it and with a smile they are introduced by of is as our "other partners" and thats usually how the dialog starts.

We live in a small country town of 9000 but are blessed with a great many open minded people who are curious to know more. Always be approachable and be ready to answer questions with informed answers and you will go a long way toward making yourself approachable
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Old 03-24-2015, 10:51 PM
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zigzag zigzag is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AustinTriad View Post
It has been our experience that we really dont just go around telling people we are poly. Being at the forefront of a not-quite-mainstream way of thinking (ie Polyamory) and with all bad press of Polagimy we really dont believe in waving it in everyones face.

That being said, we stay open and honest about our relationship and when people see the 3 of us together, invariably they will ask about it and with a smile they are introduced by of is as our "other partners" and thats usually how the dialog starts.

We live in a small country town of 9000 but are blessed with a great many open minded people who are curious to know more. Always be approachable and be ready to answer questions with informed answers and you will go a long way toward making yourself approachable
Our experience so far has been similar, we try and be honest and we have not had any bad experiences from other people and we have come out. But we have experienced reactions from being ignored to welcomed. But that said we do not live or associate in a particularly religious community or country.
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Old 03-24-2015, 10:57 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Texas is one of the worst places for any lifestyle or sexual preference other than white, Christian, one man one woman, straight, married, with kids.

If you're not Christian, not straight, not monogamous, not married, have an interracial relationship, are child free, or kinky, you better be quiet about it, or carry a crow bar.

One of my daughters lives there with her transgender gf and they are both lesbians. How they stand it, I don't know. They stay inside a lot.

Try moving to Massachusetts or the Pacific Northwest such as Seattle or Portland. Much easier life.
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Old 07-04-2018, 02:41 PM
JustUs JustUs is offline
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We are in Corpus Christi and would love to meet other poly people to hangout with and friendship. We have found it very difficult to meet other poly people in this area, but also find most people that classify themselves as poly here, are more into swinging. We have nothing against swingers/swinging, but not into one time hook ups and such. When looking for others, we are looking for more of a relationship, but right now, new, cool, open minded poly friends would be great.




Quote:
Originally Posted by darkadonis105 View Post
hello everyone we are chris mandii and jennifer

we love the idea of being poly having a loving relationship with another woman or two or 30 is great! but anyone else find it incredibly difficult?
and i mean WAY more so than just making any relationship work

maybe its just the area we live in (near corpus christi texas) but
everyone is soooo judgmental! even gay people that often get picked on
attack us for being ungodly or disgusting

everyone we talk to IMMEDIATELY stops speaking to us the moment we tell them how we are like we have some kind of weird disease lol
i suppose im looking in all the wrong places trying to make like minded friends or open minded ones i should say

anyone here have any tips? know of any chatrooms? websites (that actually have active people on them)?
more so than anything we would absolutely love to find and make a great close nit group of friends but if we were to find more we certainly wouldnt complain
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Old 07-04-2018, 06:24 PM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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I figure if Fargo ND can manage to have "out" poly groups, anywhere (with the possible exception of truly Evangelical-only backwater regions like rural Georgia) can do it.

Lake Agassiz Poly Network

PolyAware on the evening news, 2016
HPR interview, 2017

Maybe it was just Minneapolis/Saint Paul, but we always enjoyed hanging out at the public social events & dances put on by swing clubs.
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  #9  
Old 07-10-2018, 08:33 PM
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Al99 Al99 is offline
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Hi Chris (and Mandii and Jennifer - the usual custom here is to post as an individual and reference your partners).

Welcome to the Forum! We will look forward to hearing more of your story as it evolves. We have lots of experienced poly folks here and the forum is generally active, friendly, and helpful so please don't hesitate to post any specific thoughts and questions that you might have. You are almost certain to get some feedback.

Others have covered your topic quite well, but, yeah, the bottom line is that poly is not really socially acceptable yet for most of American society - especially in most of the South and Midwest. But even in places like the Pacific Northwest, it still is likely to make most folks a bit uncomfortable. Kind of like a couple of dudes making out in the park would have twenty years ago.

And just think, your configuration (FMF triad or V) is the most socially acceptable version of poly - and is what many in the general population consider poly to be. In reality, however, MFM seems to be more common, with a married (committed/nesting) couple dating independently being the most common, although solo poly/relationship anarchy seems to be growing. But you can imagine the reaction in a small Southern town - or even a small city like Corpus - when a lady is walking down the street holding hands with two guys at once. She is automatically a slut (hence the reclaiming of the term by the book "The Ethical Slut").

Again, welcome - and best of luck on your journey! Al
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  #10  
Old 07-10-2018, 09:02 PM
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Al99 Al99 is offline
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Quote:
Texas is one of the worst places for any lifestyle or sexual preference other than white, Christian, one man one woman, straight, married, with kids.
Yep - but probably no more so than most of the Deep South. Texas does have some progressive areas in the major metros, at least. Austin, the state capitol and home of the University of Texas, is a Democratic stronghold and a bastion of progressive liberalism - and has very active poly and kink communities. Both Houston and the DFW Metroplex have large Gay communities, as well as active poly and kink communities, although most of the suburbs are conservative, but also educated and affluent - so not really dangerous, just not likely to be very welcoming. Small towns and rural areas are a different matter altogether, however - yes, best to be discreet in those locales. Al
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Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
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