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  #561  
Old 07-07-2014, 12:04 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Did you experience any sort of bad cycles like this (specifically regarding your sex life with him, not your emotional closeness)? The closer he got to her, the more you lost interest in him...the more he sought her out....the more you pulled away sexually...? Did this in any way cause your sex life to take longer to recover...? Or is something like that more to do with a person who ultimately doesn't want/can't handle poly?

(Mind you, in my case, this wasn't something that happened instantly, it happened over several months, so we didn't quite realize until after the fact how much his being with me, was affecting her with him. We thought she had just checked out of the relationship because she no longer had feelings for him.)
I did notice that the more time they spent together, the less I was interested, HOWEVER there were other factors in play as well. He works full time, was in school full time, and I worked full time with an opposing schedule. Time spent with her often directly took time away from what we normally spent together OR would cause him to need to focus on homework when we could have had time together OR happened directly before we had time together and he's horrible at time management so would usually run late which led to me being pissy at first.

So there was a lot of general disconnect between us directly relating to me not getting the amount of quality time that I need in my relationship with Hubby.

We're just now back to normal - the disconnect started late last year. His school work has gotten less demanding, I've gotten a new job, and he's no longer dating/having sex with anyone else for the time being. Since we have time together now, I think I could handle him using his time/energy focused on someone else a lot better than I could when he and Lady were seeing each other. It would be interesting to see if the pattern happened again or if it was just a unique situation.
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  #562  
Old 07-07-2014, 01:08 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from Bluebird):
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"Jerkfaces. "
Yeah, those guys are a rotton duo.
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  #563  
Old 07-07-2014, 05:19 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing View Post
I did notice that the more time they spent together, the less I was interested, HOWEVER there were other factors in play as well. He works full time, was in school full time, and I worked full time with an opposing schedule. Time spent with her often directly took time away from what we normally spent together OR would cause him to need to focus on homework when we could have had time together OR happened directly before we had time together and he's horrible at time management so would usually run late which led to me being pissy at first.

I wonder if you think your lack of interest helped to drive him to spend MORE time with her? I do think it's hard to get used to having less time with a romantic partner, though this is part of living a poly lifestyle. It's part of why I prefer an integrated dating style; I find I get MORE time with my partner, not less. Any time he spends with her is time spent with me, as well (well, almost all, he and she talk in separate conversations). And because he has both of us now, he has to spend time not just with me, but with all three of us together.
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  #564  
Old 07-07-2014, 06:06 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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The increase in time seemed like natural progression. 3 hour dates turned into 5 hour dates into a whole day together then an evening with overnight.

They only saw each other 2-3 times a month usually.
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  #565  
Old 07-07-2014, 06:21 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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The increase in time seemed like natural progression. 3 hour dates turned into 5 hour dates into a whole day together then an evening with overnight.

They only saw each other 2-3 times a month usually.
And did you like this, or did you have other expectations? That seems like a secondary style relationship, and I don't have a lot of experience with that (I see my one partner every 2-3 MONTHS, but I have daily contact and video Skype at least a couple times a week).
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  #566  
Old 07-07-2014, 07:10 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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And did you like this, or did you have other expectations? That seems like a secondary style relationship, and I don't have a lot of experience with that (I see my one partner every 2-3 MONTHS, but I have daily contact and video Skype at least a couple times a week).
I expected it to happen more quickly, actually. I'm incapable of maintaining a relationship without more contact than they had. Turns out, she apparently can't either.

In theory she could have "earned" more status with time, but it was new so he prioritized time with me first. Obviously that was slowly changing as their relationship grew. We don't really prescribe to primary/secondary but are more "sweat equity" kind of people. She wanted the status without the effort and time put in.
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  #567  
Old 07-07-2014, 08:19 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Originally Posted by KC43 View Post
Through experiences with nonjudgmental, non-emotionally-connected partners, he and I discovered some aspects of our sexual interests that we either hadn't been aware of or hadn't been willing to express to each other; exploring those with others gave us the freedom and confidence to share with each other, and that enriched our sex life as well.
Have you found this true for emotionally-connected partners too?
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  #568  
Old 07-16-2014, 02:40 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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... They know this, and if we are out together, they'll sometimes take turns flirting shamelessly with me to get my emotions high. I have no idea what to do - I get very confused as to which one to focus on and they laugh about it. Jerkfaces.
You know you love it too: For us this can build up til I lose my wits and they both take me to bed - where I get ALL of the attention. Doesn't happen often, but when it does WHOOO BABY! I don't even bother to try to return the attention at that time - just ride the tsunami and make it up to them later...
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Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost ex-lover-friend, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS; live-in with Katniss
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


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  #569  
Old 07-16-2014, 05:44 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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That's hot.
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