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Old 11-26-2016, 09:21 PM
Orlandobif Orlandobif is offline
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Location: Orlando, FL
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Default Date Night Assistance or Discretion?

I am curious to know if you help your spouse / SO / poly family go out on dates? In my house we seem to play dress up show and tell, offer accessories, suggest buying clothing for dates, pass gift cards from one to another to take the date out on a date, suggest places to go, stop each other from leaving with something in our teeth. We appear to be invested in the good time of the other on a date. Are you? If not do you feel like it's difficult to leave and so you minimize and use discretion to avoid jealousy for example?
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Old 11-26-2016, 10:25 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Massachusetts
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Hubby doesn't go out on dates; he's monogamous. A few times, I've asked his opinion of an outfit I was wearing on a first meet-up with someone, and he hasn't minded telling me what he thinks. None of those meet-ups led to anything, though...
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Old 11-27-2016, 03:16 AM
breathemusic breathemusic is online now
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Washington, DC
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I offer assistance and advice if sought and welcome the same. I'm not really the jealous type and my b/f isn't the best with fashion, so he will sometimes ask about an outfit etc. Campersion comes fairly easily for me though so it's more just something I'm comfortable with doing.
Me: 32, female, nesting partner and Domme of Sudo, dating Echo
Sudo: 36, male, lives w/ me, no other current partners
Echo: 34, male, Dom, dating me, married w/ 2 kids

RCT (or Ty): 32, male, mono, current roommate/friend, dad to Lizzy
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Old 11-27-2016, 03:19 AM
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StumblingAlong StumblingAlong is offline
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We don't do this much but when I ask Victor about an outfit for anything he gives a generic comment saying he's not going to be blamed if I later think differently from him. Spent the day with Tabs recently and ask if he thought wjat I had on looked ok. His response, "Wear what you want. I'm not getting caught in this trap of a question."
~If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies.~
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Old 11-27-2016, 09:28 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by Orlandobif View Post
We appear to be invested in the good time of the other on a date. Are you? If not do you feel like it's difficult to leave and so you minimize and use discretion to avoid jealousy for example?
This question seems to come from the assumption that most polyfolk are all living together with their partners, like there's always going to be someone there when you're getting ready to go on a date. Many of us live alone, keep our relationships separate, or just have different schedules form our partners so that this doesn't even happen, or not much.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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Old 11-27-2016, 01:49 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I have been semi or fully living with my gf for 7+ years and the only thing I help her with is her hair and bra, since she has hand/arm handicaps and I do it every day.

No, I don't pass her gift cards to take any of her dates out. Sometimes she asks my opinion about her outfits, but she does that anyway, and it's part of our normal girl talk.

Mostly if it's a first date, we give each other the new person's name and phone number and go on our date. We do talk them over afterwards, some, as we would talk over any event one of us went to without the other.

We date independently. It's not a group effort.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63)
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my partner since January 2009, living together full time 6 years
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's bf since April 2013
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Old 11-27-2016, 05:06 PM
Hannahfluke Hannahfluke is offline
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Posts: 399

When we were new to poly about 7 years ago, we were more likely to do this. I remember that for my second date with my dom (Sam, who at the time was more of a FWB relationship), my husband went shopping with me so I could buy something new to me to wear (we went to a thrift store). He ironed the shirt for me (I have very little patience with ironing, so usually do a horrible job).

Now, it doesn't happen as much. Part of that is the fact that my husband is more likely to be out with one of his girlfriends on nights that I go on dates. Part of it is that I've gotten more confident in my ability to dress myself well the last few years. I will occasionally send him a picture asking if my outfit looks good before a date, if I'm feeling unsure of myself.

We don't usually share gift cards but if I've bought a Groupon voucher that is going to expire soon and I don't think we'll use it as a couple, I'll let him know about it so he can use it on a date, so we don't lose the promotional value.

I think that as long as you are both comfortable supporting each other in this way, there's nothing wrong with it.
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Old 11-27-2016, 09:22 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi Orlandobif,

I am in a poly-fi group so our only dates are with each other. I suppose if Brother-Husband and Snowbunny were going on a date and one of them asked me for some kind of help or advice, I'd give it (to the best of my ability), but I wouldn't necessarily volunteer it without being asked. I just figure it's not my business. However, other people are more involved with their partners' dating experiences, and I suppose that's okay too. I, after all, am rather introverted.

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 11-28-2016, 01:34 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 934

I ask Hubby how I look almost anytime I'm going out - whether it's with friends, alone, or on a date.

Gift cards are rarely passed along. Sometimes we use them as a group if it's something Hubby knows Boy would be super into as well. The benefits of them being friendly.

We all definitely suggest locations that we think people would enjoy. I don't view that as date assistance as much as trying to ensure my partner gets to enjoy a place that I think is awesome. Boy and I try a lot more new places than Hubby and I do (or at least used to, pre-baby). If it was somewhere awesome, I'd tell Hubby so that he would know for future date/friend hang out planning. If he's at a loss when making plans, then I remind him of a few places when I can and he does the same for me.

Neither of the guys are currently dating, though, and I don't have time for new people so this is all based on almost 2 years ago.
Me: AG - 28yo, finding herself
Hubby: My awesome husband. Together for over a decade.
Boy: Boyfriend. Known for about 6 years - involved off and on the whole time.
Little Girl: My and Hubby's daughter. 2.
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