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Old 10-24-2014, 07:19 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Posts: 5,510

Only you can decide.

I will say-from personal experience;

Dragging out incompatibility results in a MUCH MORE DEVASTTING MESS later.
The more integrated your lives get; the more damage caused when ending it. Incompatibility is a thing that needs addressed and resolved asap.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 10-24-2014, 06:14 PM
azorkanesbrat azorkanesbrat is offline
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 45

Originally Posted by Candiedlove View Post
You say poly is on hold, but what about Amber?
That ended. They are not compatible on a few different levels. She and I are more compatible - but they are not.
Just me. Not dating. Not in a relationship. Just trying to figure out who I am and what I want.

Don't say *There's still time* or *Maybe next time* because there is always the concept of *It's too late*
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Old 10-24-2014, 06:32 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 7,432

I am sorry you struggle right now.

I must have known something was wrong - because I did it, and didn't tell him, and finally threw it in his face in the middle of an argument.
What is the purpose of that kind of behavior? What's the PIE?

To (p)ersuade him to something?
To (i)nform him of something?
To (e)ntertain him with something?

Sounds more like you were mad and trying to hurt him.

If that is the case? Not esp loving behavior towards him.

Seems easier to me to own breaking the agreement. You messed up, broke his trust in your ability to keep agreements. It hurts when that happen. Getting in EXTRA digs isn't going to hurt him less!

If you have agreements between you that need updating, update them. Not break them. You can always inform him "I want to make you aware. I am not longer willing/able to keep this agreement." Own it.

Right now? To help rebuild trust you could start repairs.

You could apologize.
You could ask for forgiveness
You could offer to make amends in future by...(Speaking up when agreements no longer fit rather than just breaking them? Learning better conflict resolution skills than throwing things in his face to get digs? Learning to be more honest with self? Something else?)
You could ask if he will think that over, and lf he is willing/able to try to start again and make repairs.

Then see what he says. He might say no. He might say maybe. If he's not saying anything in like a month, call it what it is. Over.

But at THIS point in time, you could do YOUR side of it to get it on the path. "We regained trust" is the desired outcome. Can't know the future now ahead of time. CAN get on the path though.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-24-2014 at 06:41 PM.
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Old 05-20-2016, 06:43 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,531

For those who were talking to sunflowersong817 here, I've moved her post and the replies to a new thread here: What could i have done to prevent this outcome?

The lower-case "i" in the title is my fault, not hers.
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boundaries, boundary negotiation, boundary pushing, boundary setting, broken agreements, dating, guidelines, jealousy, managing relationships, negotiation, poly, primary, rules, rules vs boundaries, secondary, trust issues, veto

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