Your most recent OKC messages. post em here!

That's a great first message, Magdlyn. Sounds promising. :)

Thanks, Karen! We've been chatting a little. He has a car, he is willing and happy to drive wherever I want to meet. :) I haven't seen a pic of him yet, but I asked him if he'd prefer to send it by text or email. Waiting to hear back...

Anyway, with all the men here who say they don't get responses, think about it. Do you write a first message as good at the one I got from this guy?
 
Anyway, with all the men here who say they don't get responses, think about it. Do you write a first message as good at the one I got from this guy?

Such an important point. A great first message never gets lost in the crowd. She may or may not respond to him physically, but a great first message will pique a woman's interest. THIS is the front door for a woman, whereas "looks" are often for a man. Every woman, no matter her relationship parameters, wants to feel special and appreciated for her unique self, not just be told that she is hot. If more men understood this, we'd have fewer men saying how invisible they feel on dating sites. A great first message (often accompanied by a friendly face, not an "I'm gonna fuck you good" bathroom mirror face) will never go unnoticed. I'm interested to hear more as this unfolds!
 
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and finally:

Someone with potential! He is only 25 and lives an hour away, but who knows...

I read the last message and, WOW. He's 25, long hair, athletic. Rawr. You go girl! I am excited for you. He sounds yummy. Keep us apprised!

P.
 
I 'liked' a man on OKC who had liked me. He sent me a message saying hi. An hour later I got another message why I hadn't responded.

I was in a book club for a few hours. But after that, I replied that I was busy and that I often did not have the time to respond quickly. I also let him know it wasn't personal.

I'm so not interested in meeting him now. I would have considered it before the second message. That kind of self-absorption and discomfort is not a fun combo. Now it's true online dating sucks, is full of rejection and weirdos. But the rejection and the weirdness is almost always not about you personally but about whatever is going on with the other person. Ugh.
 
He sounds like a rather demanding fellow ...
 
I read the last message and, WOW. He's 25, long hair, athletic. Rawr. You go girl! I am excited for you. He sounds yummy. Keep us apprised!

P.

Nothing came of it. We planned a date for last Saturday evening, but he cancelled in the morning, citing problems with a paper he was writing. He was very polite and apologetic. He said he'd let me know when he had free time again. I texted him back wishing him well. I haven't heard from him all week, so yesterday I texted just asking how are things going. No reply.

In other news, I just got this message on okc from a man in India:

hello there Mistress ...I am a submissive please make me your friend my goddess. I want to praise you like my goddess..I want to submit myself to you ..please Mistress make me your slave.. You own my manhood. .please mistress make me your slave...

Oh, please. :rolleyes:
 
I also exchanged some messages with a 28 year old who first said I was "too good to be real. I must be every man's dream." He was cute so I wrote back, where he proceeded to tell me he thought I "looked extremely good for my age," and he'd always wanted to do "something crazy," like fuck an older woman.

It took me a couple messages to get him to understand how insulting that was, how disrespectful, and how I have several lovers who are younger and older than me, and actually date me and hang out with me for who I am, don't just fuck me because "I look good FOR MY AGE."

Oy! He apologized and told me he'd stop bothering me.
 
Nothing came of it. We planned a date for last Saturday evening, but he cancelled in the morning, citing problems with a paper he was writing. He was very polite and apologetic. He said he'd let me know when he had free time again. I texted him back wishing him well. I haven't heard from him all week, so yesterday I texted just asking how are things going. No reply.

So yesterday I got a brief text from that guy.

Hey there! Sorry the last few days have been very busy for me! How have you been?

I saw his message when it came in, and had time to respond, so I said, "Oh hi [his name]! Exam time or something?"

And he didn't respond. For fuck's sake! Shit or get off the pot, dude.

In other okc madness, I was looking over the people who have viewed my profile. I rarely do this, as I figure if they like me, they will message me. But I just felt like doing it. There were 2 or 300 lookie loos since the last time I checked. I scanned a few dozen. Most of them were low matches. I did see one guy who was nice looking, 69 years old. So I checked his profile. It was well written, but he was an observant Jew and seemed kind of too serious for me. He made a point of saying how he didn't like material things. He did mention enjoying good food and wine on Shabbat. But nothing else resonated. So I just moved on.

Shortly thereafter, he wrote to me.

Hello,

Since we only have a 50% OKC match, it is a mystery to me how we ever got connected in the firat place. However, after I looked at your profile, I wondered how we only have a 50% match.

I am sure that you would not read (see) my profile in that way. I am of two minds...... One is the picture that my profile presents, and the other is as a much more sexual being, which resonates with your profile.

Please think about me in that light, and if you would like to continue this discourse let me know.

Ciao, [his name]

I looked at his profile again, and while I did, he wrote again.

So, what do you think?


I responded,

Hi [name], thank you for the invitation. Funny how you bring up sex.

I am not sure I share enough of an approach to life to share in yours. You've read my profile? I am bisexual, polyamorous, pagan, etc... I also like material things. I collect vintage Pyrex, thrift store shopping is a hobby of mine. I appreciate the art of vintage houseware design. And its usefulness, as I love to cook.

I live with my female partner of 7 years. She and I are both polyamorous and each date our others separately.

If any of this makes you uncomfortable, I understand! To each her or his own!

Cheers, Mags

So what does he say in return?

Hello Mags,

It does not make me at all uncomfortable. That is part of the irony of the OKC "matching system". maybe we could have a wonderful three some (unless you would be uncomfortable with that).

Then another message (since it was Friday about to be sundown):

I do need to be "off the air" in about 25 minutes.

!!! What the fuck.

I responded immediately

A threesome? With my gf and me? We don't do that.

Yesterday after his 24 hours communing with Yahweh, he says

Okay, just asking. If it doesn't work, that's certainly fine.

So today I responded

It's strange you brought it up, since I made a point to specifically tell you my gf and I date our others separately. Just to be invited for sex myself, when we haven't even discussed other topics first, seems a bit forward. But to ask if my girlfriend, whom you haven't even seen the profile of, could join us for sex! Goodness.

I don't think of OKC as a "hookup" site. For me, it is a dating site. That is why I took the trouble to write such an extensive profile listing all my interests and loves, and non-sexual passions such as the history of religion and the type of art I like.

Within minutes I noticed he again checked my profile, but didn't message me. LOL. What an idiot. I guess his hard cock was literally blocking the screen where I first warned him my gf and I date separately.
 
And another message from Morocco

Ill cut my big dick if i find one person say you are not sexy abd hot and beautiful wooow i like you
 
LOL, you're getting attention from some real winners, Mags! Ugh, this kind of dross is why I turned off my profile for now. I don't like the idea of such jackasses even looking at my pictures. If I ever do turn my profile back on, I'm going to have someone take some pics of me with my back to the camera, face hidden, and so on. I'm so tired of the ick factor on there.
 
Had a date set up recently. A day or two before, the person messaged that they couldn't make it and asked to reschedule. Ok, fine, stuff happens. I made another suggestion. Then got a message, that all was well and they could meet me! Uh, nope, I'm busy and have already changed my plans. Plus I am out of 'date mode' and just want to enjoy my day in my slubby pants and shirt. I'm giving them one more shot to set up something. (That's my usual 'policy'.) But I'm realizing that I'm just not motivated to go find someone else right now. If someone amazing happens into my life, that would be great but I'm not much into actively searching.
 
I got one today that was so completely over the top I just had to share - couldn't decide whether to be appalled or amused:

What the fuck is our society coming to if YOU have to be on here– you give men boners that could drill through a mountain.

seriously though... its nice to meet you.

0% match, 80% enemy... and for the record, I'm good looking but no Aphrodite. Not to mention if they could drill through a mountain I don't want them near me... ;-)
 
So this ain't from OKC but rather fetlife...but it's just as /facepalm-ey...

The older gent (late 60's) I mentioned in my blog who messaged me, who had a dick pic for a profile pic, has changed it to a pic of his face and wanted me to let him know what I think of his profile.

We had the whole..
1. Dude sends brief intro message with no substance.
2. I tell him "I'd be happy to intro you to the community, but I'm not available."
3. He winds up being like, "but you're poly, right?" and when I tell him that I'm in a closed configuration at this time, wants to know what that means... He's expressed an interest in coming to check out Voodoo, but I know he pretty much just hopes to get some action.

I still have not accepted his friend request. He then did change that profile pic to one of his face, but the ones of his junk (in CBT restraint) are still there. Good for you, buddy. His content is all about orgasms. How much he wants to make other people have them, how much he wants to have them, and things he thinks he can do to women to make that happen, and then some stuff he considers to be limits. Everything about his profile screams "I really wanna get laid!" Which ya know, I can't hold that against anybody especially on fet, but you and everyone else out there, pal. If you don't present yourself as a human looking to interact with humans, but just a dick looking to interact with holes...well, I can do that at home by myself without the trouble of meeting you, dude...

I don't know what to tell him about his profile. Other than it sparks exactly zero interest for me whatsoever. And I'm not the only woman I know who says, "If you can't stimulate my mind, you won't get a chance to try to stimulate my body."
 
I have a question and observation that troubles me.

First, the question:
Why do men put a point of reference to their penis in their user/screen names?

Observation:
I've seen a lot of profiles from men looking for women that do this.

Reason:
I am wondering why? What purpose does it serve? Does that excite any woman? Do women actually respond to that type of behavior?

It confuses and disappoints me. If I am interested in a man, its because there is something about him. Mutual and/or shared interest, mutual understanding, caring, friendship, etc. Not unless I am interested in having sex with him do I care about his penis. Its not a point of conversation. I assume he has one as he is male. I assume that for the most part the hydraulics work. If I want to be personally introduced to the identified member, than I will request a formal introduction but not before.

I don't get it. Any ideas? Thoughts? Feelings? Opinions?

I am curious as to why. Why?!

P.
 
I don't know the answers to those questions, as I don't get it either. I'm generally a little reluctant to talk about my junk, and can't imagine referring to it in my screen/username.

Maybe some men talk/brag about their junk because they think it makes them seem very confident? and confidence is supposed to be sexy?
 
My theory is that such guys are generally only looking for a warm hole into which to insert their junk, so as rampantly sexual genitalia is the most important quality they seek in a potential match they assume the same is the case for the women they're chasing and do their best to highlight what (all?) they have to offer.
 
I have been talking to a few teenage boys who are genuinely worried if their penis is big enough. That is the greatest worry of many young boys considering sex (and relationships). So I see this behavior as adolescent; these guys are mentally still teenagers.
 
They just want to get laid and they believe that the kind of woman who will let them fuck her only cares about the size of their dicks.

Same thing goes for the guys with user names like PussyEater or ClitLicker - they believe that the only thing a woman cares about is getting oral sex, and so if they advertise any willingness or supposed skill at that, they thinkare they'll have a shot.
 
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Does that excite any woman? Do women actually respond to that type of behavior?

I read the Fetlife groups (like forums) quite a lot and find the participants to be mostly thoughtful and smart. This topic frequently comes up and the answers are a resounding NO and NO.

I figure that a man who uses a dick pic as an avatar doesn't know the first thing about women. I don't think that he is shallow necessarily, but I do think that he likely is is "unsuccessful" with women and says that women are "so cold." I think a lot of guys do it because they see other guys do it. Body part pix turn them on, so they assume that body part pix turn on women. They missed the lesson that many guys get by the end of high school (hopefully) and that is that women can get a sexual charge out of many things, but in general we are whole-person oriented.
 
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So the guy on fetlife who got in touch with me, who had dick pics all over the place and his profile read like: "I'm interested in giving you orgasms, I like wearing weights on my stuff, and blahblahblah sex blahblahblah explicit blahblahblah etc."

Well not surprisingly given his age, which he accurately represented as being in his mid 60's, he reveals to me in conversation that he is in fact suffering from pretty serious ED. So before, I was like, "I'm not available except as a friendly contact in the community, you might want to put other pics up besides pics of your boy parts, and your message seemed lacking in substance so if you're just looking for some action, you should know, I'm not interested." And then as he actually responded and we have been talking, I'm like so...you are fishing with your dick as bait, you say you're looking for a serious monogamous relationship, and the supposed bait does not in fact even really function? What in the actual hell are you even doing? That's now how this works. That's now how any of this works.

And he's like well, I have pills for that.

And he says that he's new to "adult websites" like fetlife and just figured that was what he was SUPPOSED to put up in his profile, and asked me what he ought to be doing instead.

I suggested that women tend to "grade on the long form" and he needed to include as much variety in his photos as possible. Pictures of himself as a whole person, pics of him doing things he loved to do (Renn Fest and motorcycle riding, I mean come on! That's way more interesting than your bait and tackle, brother.) That he should share some slightly more meaningful thoughts and words in his written portion as well. I told him that if he were only looking for casual hookups, he MIGHT be able to make that work with what he was doing plus maybe some personal ads...but if he wanted a relationship, he was going to have to do better.

Sheesh.

So I guess guys at the older end of the age spectrum online might suffer from a bit of "Um...what's this whole internet thing about anyways?" syndrome.

Hey, FallenAngelina....are you on the "Ask a woman a question including penis questions without being made to feel like a jerk" group? I'm in that one, too, if so. Haven't been on fetlife much since life has gotten pretty busy, except to check messages occasionally...but I get in there once in a while. There sure is a lot of talk about "Do women like...?" in that group. Very few women say they actually do like those pics and direct references. I'd put it less than 10%.
 
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