fluid bonding/bareback

It's an unspoken rule because, for us, because it's common sense. We are at the age of raising teenagers, not children. None of us wants anymore children and with anyone outside of the group, there is no proof that they are on birth control. So condoms it is.
 
The only unspoken rule is "if we haven't spoken about it, it's not a rule."

If you say it's common sense, then it's not a rule. If they happen to do that, you're not going to say "You broke our rule!" You're going to say "Holy shit, what the fuck were you thinking?!"

The thing about common sense is... it isn't. Common, that is. People often apply this term to refer to things that are obvious to them and therefore must be obvious to everyone. But there's nothing "common sense" about condoms. That "sense" comes from education, growing up in a society that is aware of sexually transmitted diseases, being clever enough to understand how that applies in your life, and being careful to apply that knowledge regularly.
 
I don't even understand what an unspoken rule is, how can you have a rule if no one has even communicated it? Especially when it is about something so fundamental as sexual health...Personally I don't get how people can be so coy with people they are intimate with.
It has nothing to do with being coy about discussing sex, just, if you know that the people you choose to date want to plan any children they have and don't want themselves or you to get an STD, you don't have to worry very much.
 
I don't find it being coy. . . we're all grown ups, we all know the risks, Runic Wolf and I have been together for 15 years, Wendigo and his wife have been together for 20 years. I am the first outside relationship he's had in 17 years, I can't get pregnant. We've been fluid bonded for 4 years. Runic Wolf hasn't had any LTR's in the last 10 years. He doesn't want any kids outside of our marriage and the few women he's dated don't want kids at this point in their lives either. He's seen it fuck up our friend's life when his SO had an affair and got pregnant by the other guy while he was recovering from spinal surgery. So he doesn't take that risk. Sure, we could have "the talk" but we don't need to because we actually do know each other well enough to expect that.
 
I don't find it being coy. . . we're all grown ups, we all know the risks, Runic Wolf and I have been together for 15 years, Wendigo and his wife have been together for 20 years. I am the first outside relationship he's had in 17 years, I can't get pregnant. We've been fluid bonded for 4 years. Runic Wolf hasn't had any LTR's in the last 10 years. He doesn't want any kids outside of our marriage and the few women he's dated don't want kids at this point in their lives either. He's seen it fuck up our friend's life when his SO had an affair and got pregnant by the other guy while he was recovering from spinal surgery. So he doesn't take that risk. Sure, we could have "the talk" but we don't need to because we actually do know each other well enough to expect that.

Just curious, then does Wendingo have outside relationships besides you?
 
It's an unspoken rule because, for us, because it's common sense. We are at the age of raising teenagers, not children. None of us wants anymore children and with anyone outside of the group, there is no proof that they are on birth control. So condoms it is.

Out of curiosity, have any of you considered vasectomy or tubal ligation? If you did, would it put an end to the 'unspoken rule'?
 
I am very surprised that some people aren't using condoms! I am not only worried about pregnancy and sti's but then theres the bacterial and yeast infections. I am allergic to the antibiotics that treat a bacterial infections and let me tell you, not fun. If I ever came across a lover mine or his that refused to use them, they would no longer be in our world. I just can't believe it. Fluid bonding? Ugh, maybe I'm just a prude here but I can bond sexually without the fluid exchange. No thanks.

I'm not on the 'fluid-bonding' train either. My husband would love to safely do that, but it's not even a possibility on my radar. Thanks for saying so; I feel loss odd ;)
 
To answer your questions, no, Wendigo doesn't have any outside relationships besides me. (He has one very long distance online D/s relationship, but they've never met in person and there are no plans for them to meet in person.)

I've thought about getting a tubal, but that would mean I'd get my period back and I NEVER want that back. I am on year 4 of my second IUD (9 years total) and have had 2 periods since getting put on the Depo shot when Runic Wolf and my son was 6 weeks old. If I'm getting fixed, it damn well better be the whole shebang. Even if Runic Wolf were to get fixed, he would still want to wear protection with any outside sexual partners because he doesn't want any STD's. Wendigo's wife would very much appreciate that she not catch something b/c of his relationship with us and did make that clear when she decided to stop being sexual with Runic Wolf and I (she decided she was mono 2 years ago).
 
I'm not on the 'fluid-bonding' train either. My husband would love to safely do that, but it's not even a possibility on my radar. Thanks for saying so; I feel loss odd ;)


I'm allergic to so many things it isn't even funny. I can tolerate latex, but am allergic to lube and spermacide, so condoms have always resulted in me breaking out in hives down there, which makes sex no fun at all. That means that I have to be more choosy and careful and Runic Wolf knows that since we spent our first 3 months dating (before I was on birth control) trying to figure out what condoms gave me the least reaction (or at least not an instant reaction) so that we could have all the sex we wanted before he left for basic training.
 
It's true, no one ever goes "OMG you gave me strep throat you whore". But even if someone was tested they could STILL carry the plague and not know it. There are such things as False Negative results & viruses do mutate. I'm not making this up; I am also not having sex with you, you, or you.

You know, the funniest thing about this statement is that, on my first go 'round with the husband in a rolling mess of polyamory, he DID give me strep throat. Again and again and again until the only course of action was a tonsillectomy because I had exhausted the various kinds of antibiotics I could be on, including that anti-anthrax one.

Of course, I didn't find out until later, until everything was over, that he could be a non-affected carrier.

Oh well. Carry on.
 
Out of curiosity, have any of you considered vasectomy or tubal ligation? If you did, would it put an end to the 'unspoken rule'?

I had a tubal ligation almost 7 years ago.

November imagine my surprise to find myself pregnant. It was a tubal pregnancy that required emergency surgery. It was my boyfriends baby.

So any birth control can fail even permanent ones. As my doctor says the human body has a habit of finding ways to heal itself or make something happen. He says he knows of vasectomies that have failed after a decade same thing with tubal ligation.
 
I had a tubal ligation almost 7 years ago.

November imagine my surprise to find myself pregnant. It was a tubal pregnancy that required emergency surgery. It was my boyfriends baby.

So any birth control can fail even permanent ones. As my doctor says the human body has a habit of finding ways to heal itself or make something happen. He says he knows of vasectomies that have failed after a decade same thing with tubal ligation.

Oy, the biological imperative rears its head.

I have a vasectomy myself, and would say that the risk of causing a pregnancy has diminished enough that it is not a factor with my fluid bonding choices, though I am only fluid bonded with my spouse at this point.

It's all a question of what risks are acceptable. I am surprised that some of the posters don't get tested for STDs. Just as many accept the requirement of condoms with those they partner with, I have an agreement with my partners to regularly test-- or there have to be barriers with oral sex as well.
 
Out of curiosity, have any of you considered vasectomy or tubal ligation? If you did, would it put an end to the 'unspoken rule'?

I had a tubal, Prof had a vasectomy, we test regularly and don't use condoms. He does not use condoms with S but they both do with other partners. ( there haven't been any others for a while) If that changes I would happily go back to condoms.

Kip has not been snipped. But again, we test regularly. He does not have any other partners. We don't use condoms.

I always used condoms with Yo.

At our age, none of us are interested in having more kids.
 
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What posters don't have regular std tests?
 
Our group has been sexually closed for over a year (mainly due to not having time or the people we are seeing having a rule in place from another partner for no sex) so since the last time we all tested negative on a full panel I don't think any of us have been tested (probably been about 6 months). That would change if a new sexual partner was to be added. Particularly if they are open sexually.
 
Wendigo doesn't get tested and I saw no need in making him since Pretty Lady had been his only partner for at least 15 years when we got together. I got tested in November for EVERYTHING, as they were trying to find out what was wrong with me - I ended up being allergic to wheat and corn and clean for everything else. I don't think Runic Wolf has been tested since he got out of the military 10 years ago. *shrugs* I only see the point in getting tested (outside my regular testing at the gyn) if there is a condom oops with one of Runic Wolf's other partners, but they get tested regularly and are clean.
 
I'm allergic to so many things it isn't even funny. I can tolerate latex, but am allergic to lube and spermacide, so condoms have always resulted in me breaking out in hives down there, which makes sex no fun at all.

Well, there are non-lubricated condoms... And "lube" is a very broad term. Have you tested any of the hypoallergenic alternatives? A good sex shop will carry a few. You can usually try them out in the store, on the back of your hand, to see if you react. But that's all assuming there's a reason to go through the trouble. If your life arrangement doesn't require it, I can fully understand why you wouldn't want to bother.

What posters don't have regular std tests?

I don't get them regularly. I had some done last year when I decided to get a full blood work-up. I've been with the same partners the whole time, and they haven't been with any new partners, so there's not a lot of reason.
 
If anyone new is a possibility-we get tested. But there hasn't been any new dates to meet people-much less possible liaisons in over a year. So we haven't been tested this year.
When one or another of us is actively looking-we test every 6 months.
 
What posters don't have regular std tests?

Definitely not here. However, thats because at this stage none of us have had time to really step outside our quad. Closed by the dreaded 24 hour a day limitation has removed our current need for active testing
 
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