Feeling rather encouraged and positive about the guy I started seeing last month. I had been wondering if he was still interested in seeing me. He and I had gotten together a few times, and then haven't seen each other for the last few weeks due to our schedules not meshing. There was a text here and there, without making plans, and then I suggested that I come over to his apartment and give him a massage. He told me he liked that idea but the trick would be to figure out when we could do that. I said, "Okay, let me know what works for you," and then I didn't hear from him for almost a week. In that message, he said he wouldn't be available until the coming week, and the way he worded it made me think he would let me know which night I could stop by.
Another week passed without hearing anything. I began to wonder if he was giving me the brush-off. After all, I had offered him a massage (and he knows I used to do bodywork professionally) but he didn't jump at the chance! I felt that sending another text just to say hello and inform him of my availability would be lame and make me appear desperate.
So, yesterday morning I sent him an email to let him know that I was feeling a bit confused by his having expressed interest and yet not contacting me for over a week. I told him that I don't need constant contact and know he is stressed and very busy -- and that I don't want to add to his stresses -- but I didn't know what to do because I didn't know if he wanted me to keep reaching out to him. I told him that I like him, enjoy his company, and want to keep things light and easy but that I also would like the chance for us to get closer.
Well, I am so glad I communicated that all to him. It can be tricky to let someone know what you want in the beginning of a relationship, when you are still just getting to know each other. I decided to just be direct. Turns out we are pretty much on the same page in terms of what we have time and energy for. He responded last night, which tells me he was sensitive to my concerns enough to get back to me on the same day, and he let me know has been super busy and super stressed but yes, would like to see me again and he has enjoyed my company every time we'd gotten together. He laid the truth out there, telling me what he level of involvement he feels emotionally ready and available for. And it is exactly on par with what I want.
So, yay for the newly budding relationship!
Edit:
I just re-read the message he sent me last night and am even more appreciative of his response, especially knowing the stresses he's been dealing with, and how exhausted he's been. Still, he took the time to write back and explain where he's been and tell me what he doesn't want to happen in a relationship - "resentments and bad feelings." He told me that, if it's okay with me, he'd like to keep things between us "light and easy-going," which is what I really was hoping for. After I sent my initial email, I was a little afraid that his answer would be something like, "Sorry, I don't have the time or energy for these kinds of questions and talking about relationships, so I'd rather we both move on." I wouldn't have liked that, but of course would have accepted and respected it. What has happened a lot in my dating life recently is that a guy will assume I want more entanglement than he can give, and he backs away before we've even had a chance to talk about what we want - they just believe all women want things to lead to The Committed Partnership. After the most recent one happened, I realized that when I go on dates, I need to be upfront about what I am looking for much sooner than I have been wanting to do it. Usually I just want to enjoy someone's company without any relationship talk.
Anyway, I replied to him a little while ago, and now I feel really good about the fact that I brought up the topic of "where we're at," so to speak. It is normally something I would rather do in person, but since we haven't seen each other in about three weeks and I had no idea when we would see each other, I was feeling like I needed some clarity. So glad I sent that email.
Hmm, next problem... giving him an alias here.